Communication Patterns that Black Women Should Stop Doing Now to Save their Marriages

Communication is hard. Sometimes we don’t even realize what communication barriers we have until it’s too late. Here are some tips which should assist you in making sure that you are making the best communication choices for your relationship with your spouse.

We all know how important it is to communicate effectively in relationships. But sometimes, we are unaware of how to communicate or how what we might be doing harms our communication. If you find yourself constantly bickering with your spouse, but you don’t know what to do about it or what you might be doing wrong, here are a few tips to help.


Nagging. No one likes a nag, and nagging your spouse is one of the number one things you can do to cause tension in the relationship. Everyone wants their way. That’s a natural desire to have. However, sometimes we have to except that we are not going to get it. If you continue to nag your spouse with the expectation that doing so will help you to get you, it is likely that not only will it not be effective, but you might push your partner further away. When this happens, neither of you will win.


Being jealous. It’s normal to want your spouse for yourself, and infidelity is important for any relationship. However, being jealous of your spouse can cause you problems in the long run. The fact of the matter is, your spouse has to want to be committed to you because he wants to. Being jealous of every interaction that he may or may not have with another woman will not answer your problems. Chances are, if you’re feeling jealous of your spouse, it’s a symptom of a much deeper issue than one which might occur as a result of the attraction that your spouse has to other women.


Letting yourself go. Of course we are all about feeling confident no matter what you look like. But sometimes we find ourselves in a rut that causes us not to put our best foot forward. When we don’t put our best foot forward, not only is it unattractive on the outside, but it also influences us on the inside. We can only putout into the world, what we are able  to feed into ourselves. You don’t have to do anything drastic in this area and even small changes will make a big difference. For example, making small changes  as little as exercising 20 minutes a day or drinking 64 oz of water can make a world of difference on how we both look and feel about ourselves.


Not respecting personal space. For some women who are insecure, if their partner requests space, this could feed the negative self-talk that they already tell themselves. But in many cases, simply this assumption is simply incorrect. Many men require isolation as they work through their problems and being denied the opportunity to do that could make the problems even worse. Unlike men, women are encouraged to socialize when they feel trouble and this often includes doing things like crying and venting. For men, it’s often the exact opposite. Many men, will in fact, require space from their spouse, children, and or other relationships in order to organize their thoughts and problem solve. If you intrude on this endeavor, you will likely cause more harm than good. Furthermore, it could encourage your partner to get even further away from you.


Not appreciating your spouse. It’s natural for us to focus on things that are negative in our lives. It serves almost as a protective barrier that keeps us from getting in danger. Think of it like a personal instinct. You have to know what dangers surround you in order to avoid them. However, when we focus on only our spouses negative behavior, it offers a breathing space for contempt and animosity. No one wants to only be reminded of their shortcomings. Think of how you would feel if you worked all the time but you never got a paycheck. People want to feel rewarded for their efforts and when they don’t relationships suffer.


Many communication patterns like the one’s identified here are learned and instinctive. Often times, we don’t know that we are doing them, and if we do know, it’s only after we have done them that we realize these mistakes. It could cause severe damage to our relationships if we are not more careful about this. If you would like support on how to reduce these negative communication patterns, please contact one of our therapists today.


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