We all know that fighting is a part of relationships, but what about when you fight so hard that it’s difficult to stay together?
What do you do when the arguing starts to get out of hand and it becomes difficult for one or both partners to find some common ground?”
Lucky for us there are many ways we can fight and still stay together.
Here are a few:
- Stay calm and avoid yelling. And before you ask questions about this, “yes, this is very possible.” Many people grow up not witnessing healthy anger management strategies. Because of this, one often struggles to understand how to stay calm and avoid yelling in arguments. But with a decision of your mind, you can break this pattern and introduce healthy relationship conflict resolution skills.
- Take a deep breath before you speak. This allows you to inhale positive thoughts, releasing negative ones. It also gives you an opportunity to gather your thoughts and separate from the negative feelings that you have towards your significant other.
- Listen to their point of view without interrupting them. You will want this in return and everyone has the right to express their feelings even when the opposing party disagrees.
- Don’t say anything that will exacerbate the negative feelings of the other person. This often happens when you get off topic in a fight by referring back to previous instances when a person has disappointed you, or when you anticipate future disappointments. Remember, do not lose track of the goalposts and try to stay focused on the topic at hand.
- Avoid saying “you always” or “you never” because it’s not true and makes the other person feel attacked. When a person feels attacked, they won’t want to cooperate or hear your perspective. After all, no matter how difficult situations are, nothing is 100% so classifying your partner’s behavior into categories as if they are always in the wrong will introduce negativity.
Accept responsibility for your own feelings, thoughts, and actions – don’t blame others for what you’re going through. “I statements” are a great way to navigate the skill.
When you’re in a fight, it can be tempting to reach for the nearest weapon. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t another way to solve your problems – and more productive one’s at that. There are plenty of tools and techniques designed specifically for couples who want to work things out without hurting each other or themselves. We have black therapists who are ready and waiting to help you find one that fits with your specific needs.