Hey, Hey, Hey, welcome to the black Marriage and Family Therapy matters Podcast, where we connect black families to black therapists. On today’s episode, we have a topic that I know you’ve been looking for, because I’ve been looking forward to creating it. And our topic today is going to be about 10 ways, or 10 steps rather to protect your vibe during the holidays.
Now as we all know, the holidays serve as a time of year where there’s where they should be going pretty well. We see family we haven’t seen in a long time, we get a chance to practice the gift of giving, we get a chance to receive things, we get an opportunity to take off time from work and vacation from anything that we’re going through. Now, who knows what that’s going to look like during quarantine or what that is looking like at quarantine this year, because we’re all going through something that none of us have experienced before. But nonetheless, we have to know that there will be the inevitable family conflicts that we have to experience, the frustration with not meeting up to people’s expectations, it conflicts, unresolved conflicts with family members, etc. that we are going to have to deal with and unresolved conflicts with ourselves for whatever reason. We might not be where we want to be in life. And so as much as we look forward to this time of year, many, many people will also experience adversity, I’m one of them. And you probably are as well. So let’s talk about the 10 steps, you need to protect your vibe, because my dear You are worth it.
Step number one, let go of things you can’t control. Trust and believe a lot of these conflicts, a lot of these challenges, a lot of these areas of adversity, you’ve been having them since before you ever before you ever even came a part of this. A lot of the conflicts in our family, a lot of the concerns that we have a lot of challenges, it’s nothing new, that people have conflict during the holidays. Okay, so you can’t control it. It’s inevitable. As long as you are connected to people, as long as you know, people as long as you like people. As long as you relate with people, one of the biggest things in this podcast that we’ve been talking about is that there will be trouble. You can’t control it. So let go of the notion that you can.
Number two, avoid comparing yourself to others. Listen, I’m the first one to tell you that everything that glitters isn’t gold. So and so might be married with children, so and so might be able to eat anything she want and have a perfect hourglass figure. But you best believe there’s some things that are going on with them too. That just is not right. It might look good on the outside, but trust me, okay. Everything that looks good on the outside is not necessarily that way internally. It’s not for anyone, it’s not for you. It’s not for me as well.
All right, step number three, keep your faith larger than your fears. I’ll never forget the beginning of my marriage, an adversity that my husband and I were going through was really just coming to overwhelm us. And he said something and it will stay with me forever. He told me to “feed my faith, and my fears will starve to death.” I’ve since learned that that is a common saying that is very common. But the first person I heard it from was him. And it’s so true. So while you’re eating in the holidays and spending time with your holidays, and just feeding yourself all these things, all these lies, okay about things being perfect and things being as pretty as they look, etc. etc. Starve your fears. Starve your fears. Okay, because most of what we fear in general won’t even come true. All right?
Step number four, don’t do anything that doesn’t feel right. Listen, if you know you’ve got family drama, and you’re in a relationship with somebody for the first time that you think is going to be too much for that relationship. Don’t bring them home. That’s simple. Doesn’t matter what mom says. Doesn’t matter what Aunt Pookie say, it don’t even matter what they say if you know within yourself that this is not a good fit, don’t do it. Okay, you will thank yourself and me later on.
Step number five, don’t be afraid to spend time alone. Listen, just because you have people coming over or, or the expectation is that you come over doesn’t mean that you can’t spend time internally. First of all, with everything going on. Hopefully, there’s still some quarantine or social distancing-like measures in place, if that is the case in your area, then use that as an excuse. But even if you cannot, or even if you know you’re wearing mask or you’re comfortable, whatever your position is on that, don’t forget your alone time. Okay? Even if you have children like myself, getting up those early mornings are essential for my household. My daughter, who’s even five years old and can speak knows that this is mommy time. Find a way to get at peace and alone with yourself.
Step number six, avoid gossip and bashing others. Listen, ladies, I for one, love a good story. But having been on the recipient on a few of those stories, I’ve learned how unpleasant it is. And believe it or not, karma is a beast, okay? So if you are going to be doing things to other people, be prepared for it to come back around and bite you in the you know what, okay, I’m trying to curse on this episode. Because it’s so intense. But listen, you give out what you bring in. So if you don’t want to be gossiped about, and this is the same things that we tell our children, etc, you don’t want to do it plus, it just really doesn’t look good. If you the truth is people who laugh at other people and talk about other people and make light of other people, they’re not really happy within themselves. Okay? Keep that in mind.
Step number seven, speak highly of yourself and to other people. So not only do we not want you to gossip and bash others, but we want you to speak life into yourself. You can tear somebody down with your tongue. As a therapist and a coach, all I do is communicate and my words are very, very effective, and I have used them poorly and it’s hurtful to people, okay. And more importantly, it’s hurtful to myself, okay. And I know if it treats me that way, when I’m doing that to other people, or when I’ve done that I tried to be very careful not to do that anymore. But it’s going to hurt other people as well. Because your tongue and the words that you speak, give life and they will dictate the quality of your life. So make sure that you’re using them carefully and wisely.
Step number eight, be yourself. Don’t try to please others. Listen, if you are going home, with your hair natural for the first time and your family can’t deal with it. Stay true to yourself, you know why you’re doing that? Okay, if you’re coming out if you finally have felt comfortable in your skin, and you’re just deciding that you want to date the same sex, and you’re not able to tell your family yet be comfortable in your own skin. You don’t have to do things the way other people say that you do. Okay? You don’t have to live anybody else’s truth. You’re the only one who’s able to who will be held accountable for your behavior. Stay true to it so you can feel proud of yourself and protect your vibe.
Step nine, stay away from people who drain your energy. Period. Point blank period. Enough said. Okay, that crab mentality is real. And with the holidays, you are going to be pressured and tempted to be put in those very spaces of people that you’ve tried to separate yourself from. And when people see that you’re doing your thing. They’re not trying to bring you down. It’s human nature. When people aren’t comfortable in themselves. what do they do? They attack so that other people can feel so they can displace that energy on other people and bring other people down. Don’t let it happen. You can’t protect you can’t control what other people say or do to you. You can only control how you respond. Don’t let other people drain your energy and protect your own vibe.
Finally, but certainly not least, step number 10. Ignore any opinions that don’t enhance your life. Listen, everybody has an opinion. My dad before he died, God rest his whole said “opinions are like assholes. Everybody has one.” By the way. Since then, I’ve also learned that he was not the first person to say that. But it’s the truth. Everybody has an opinion. Some of you will like me, some of you won’t. Okay, this podcast is for those who do and those who appreciate what I have to offer. The same is for what’s going on in your life. You have to separate yourself from people who don’t see your value and don’t see your worth. Okay, their work they’re not everybody who is was once for you doesn’t mean that they will continue to be for you. It doesn’t mean and just because you thought they were for you in the past doesn’t mean that they really were. Many people will leave you with things start to get tough, okay? And their opinions don’t matter because the truth be told, when you’re really living in your purpose, and when you’re really doing what you need to do. nobody knows what’s the right answer for you anyway because Whatever was born in you, whatever gifts and talents you have, it’s within you to figure out what they are and use them. Nobody else’s opinion matters.
Step one, let go of things you can’t control.
Step two, avoid comparing yourself to others.
Step three, keep your faith larger than your fears.
Step Four. Don’t do anything that doesn’t feel right.
Step Five. Don’t be afraid to spend time alone.
Step six. Avoid gossip and bashing others.
Step seven. Speak highly to yourself and to other people.
Step eight. Please yourself before trying to please others.
Step nine. Stay away from people who drain your energy.
Step 10. ignore any opinions that don’t enhance your life.
All right, this is a special podcast just for you to help you protect your vibe. I’m wishing you a wonderful holiday season and a prosperous new year. Stay safe. Be blessed. Peace and blessings. Dr. O