Welcome to the black Marriage and Family Therapy matters podcast where we connect black families to black therapist. On Mondays, you will receive direct therapeutic support from a licensed therapist or professional connected to the mental health field. They will provide therapeutic and educational resources to help you have a healthier relationship with your family members. On Wednesdays, you will receive direct tips and resources to help you get through the stuck places that prevent many people from having relationships with their families and significant others that they desire. On Fridays, we want you to visit our blog which can be found at WWW dot black MFT matters.com which holds additional resources and action steps that you can begin implementing immediately to improve your relationships. This is necessary because we love that you are listening. But we want you to take action to while you are there. Please grab our A to Z relationship bootcamp and be provided with the skills you need to immediately communicate better within your relationships. Please note that while the therapists on podcasts are therapists, they do not serve as your therapist unless you have signed a confidential agreement with them confirming that relationship. Thank you in advance for listening. And we hope you are inspired. All right. It’s time for the show. Here is your host, Dr. Connie Omari.
Dr. Connie Omari
Hello, hello, hello, this is Dr. O. So let’s talk about something that y’all please don’t send me no hate mail, okay. About this video, but I’ve got to keep it real. And the best way to do that is give you all the truth. Okay.
And the truth is, all right, I’ve noticed this 2021 I know we are free to do what we want to do with our lives with our bodies and with our sexual interactions. But this hookup culture has got to go. Okay, and here’s why. Now listen, sidebar. I don’t have a heaven or hell to send you to, I don’t have any. I just don’t have that’s not what I do. Okay, but what I do like to do is give you all as much information as possible, so that you can make the best decisions for your life. So I have some things I want to share with you.
Okay, first, the research consistently, like not once, not twice, but on a regular basis, okay? shows that the more sexual partners that you have the least satisfaction you’re going to have in your sexual relationships once you decide to get in committed relationships. So that’s interesting, because a lot of people I think, in this day and age think that having multiple sexual partners is a predecessor for commitment, right?
You gotta go ahead and, and have more more sex, so that you know when the right one comes along, you kind of be ready to commit but it’s actually the exact opposite. Sex and commitment really is about the best way that you get good at that is having sex and commitment, right, because having sex casually brings all other things that can kind of contaminate commitment. Right. And we’ll talk about some of those things right now.
For one, okay, women were engaging in this to the man having sex with some of them were having sex with members, some of them were having sex with women. Well, casual sex typically puts less of a focus on women’s pleasure. In fact, one study found that found that 80% of men who engage in casual sex have orgasms compared to only 40% for women.
So in other words, you’re getting out there having sex with these men who don’t care about you, because you just casual, vegan, there’s no they don’t care if you finish, they don’t care if you’re having a good enough time. And I kind of like to think you’re worth more more than that. Right? You’re valued at more than that. Another really, really bad outcome that we’re seeing that does affect later on commitment, right, is that men have an unrealistic expectation to meet these toxic standards.
Men are supposed to just crave sex and want to be like dogs and want to have sex like all the time. What about men who are asexual? What about men who have low sex drives? What about men who are poor For to have sex and go figure a committed relationship. What about men who just don’t want to be have the confidence, they don’t want to initiate a lot of sexual interactions, they’re seen as less manly. So on the one hand, we want a man to be respectful towards us, we want a man to be committed to us, we want a man to value us as the, you know, as their one and only their main check. But then we have these we engage in these behaviors that say, Well, if men are not doing this, that’s something must be really, really wrong.
Another problem, okay with the hookup culture, is that the heavy drinking, plus the minimal communication equals rape culture, when I try to put nobody on blast, but if you have been watching the news lately, people getting arrested for this stuff. All right. So we’re sitting here thinking and not only the people who are getting caught in the media, what are one of the people that everyday world that this just gets swept under the rug? I mean, most of us would agree that rape is wrong, that you don’t put your hands on anybody, okay, without their consent. But if they’re drinking, if they can’t talk, or they’re not doing a lot of talking, and their judgment is impaired, because they’re under the influence of alcohol, that’s not with their consent. All right.
And so we are creating this, this, this this environment that says it’s okay to take advantage of people’s bodies, because truth be told, if they’re too drunk to drive, they’re too drunk to say, hey, let’s have sex. And that’s what’s happening a lot. Okay, within this hookup culture. Also, the way that men often discuss women who participate in this hookup culture with them is very double standard ish. They hoes they sluts. That’s it. Okay, you know, all these types that got that was they say that hoe over there? See, I’m keeping up with the newest terminologies and things like that. But those are things that are insulting primarily to women. We don’t have all those things about men, you know.
So I’m saying that to say we’re looking at rate, I’m sorry, as, as hookup culture as if it’s like a disempowering thing that we’re free to express our sexual freedom, the way that we want to. And a lot of times, that’s not what’s happening. We’re actually setting traps for ourselves. So be mindful, the hookup culture. I guess it has its benefits. Some people like swear by it, but just know the risk. Okay, that go along with that behavior. We’re not going to talk about the possibility of STDs or unwanted pregnancies, okay, that we often see coming along with that. All right.
So these are some of the risks associated with the hookup culture and why I personally think it has to go. But I understand that it’s very, very hard to make these decisions, especially in a day and time where sex is just everywhere. Okay, and it’s in a day and time where we’re getting married at later times in life, or we’re getting committed late and we’re trying to get our careers on it, we still have the same. Well that concludes our episode for today. Thank you so much for listening, peace and blessings.
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