Welcome to the black Marriage and Family Therapy matters podcast where we connect black families to black therapist. On Mondays, you will receive direct therapeutic support from a licensed therapist or professional connected to the mental health field. They will provide therapeutic and educational resources to help you have a healthier relationship with your family members. On Wednesdays, you will receive direct tips and resources to help you get through the stuck places that prevent many people from having relationships with their families and significant others that they desire. On Fridays, we want you to visit our blog which can be found at WWW dot black MFT matters.com which holds additional resources and action steps that you can begin implementing immediately to improve your relationships. This is necessary because we love that you are listening. But we want you to take action to while you are there. Please grab our A to Z relationship bootcamp and be provided with the skills you need to immediately communicate better within your relationships. Please note that while the therapists on podcasts are therapists, they do not serve as your therapist unless you have signed a confidential agreement with them confirming that relationship. Thank you in advance for listening. And we hope you are inspired. All right. It’s time for the show. Here is your host, Dr. Connie Omari.
Dr. Connie Omari
Hey, Hey, and welcome to the black Marriage and Family Therapy matters podcast where we connect black families to black therapist. Today’s guest is Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
Hi, Dr. Jefferson.
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
Hey, how are you?
Dr. Connie Omari
I’m good. How are you?
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
I’m doing amazing.
Dr. Connie Omari
Good.
Unknown Speaker
Dr. Connie Omari
Well, let me take a moment to introduce you to our audience. Is that okay?
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
Sure.
Dr. Connie Omari
All right. Dr. Jefferson is an international marriage and family therapist registered in Finland, Norway, England, and South Africa. She is a certified family life educator in the United States, who is a trained facilitator for those seeking professional licensure in the United States. And in many fields of the helping profession, as well as the owner of familial bonds, international trauma, and professional Competency Center for therapists. She is the owner of familial bond psychotherapy, in consultation services, operating primarily out of Atlanta, Georgia, in the United States. She is a social justice app advocate, clinician, mentor, and public figure speaks on a host of topics internationally around systems frameworks, and as the process is in is in the process of releasing her first official theory for treatment providers who are integrated practitioners in the helping field. That is a lot. Dr. Jefferson. Read it out? Yes. I mean, your hands are just full. They have to be.
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
Yeah, so most days, I’m really good with the time management component. I kind of maximize that element of things. Yes, I’m a real, real big on scheduling and kind of where I fit went in to play.
Dr. Connie Omari
Awesome. Well, I mean, you have to be started as a medical doctor, you transitioned into the mental health field, can you tell us a little bit more about how you’ve been able to do that?
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
Well, I started off. I was in the United States Army. I retired after 2020 years and eight months or so. Wow. And, um, when I retired during what we call terminal leave, it’s like this space and time where you have all this user moves, you don’t lose that anyway. Right. I decided to start my education to become a mental health practitioner, and to finish up that component because I figured I didn’t want to become and practice medicine in the United States because of the way the pharmaceutical companies are set up and medicine is just a little bit different on this and medical degree were University of Wisconsin.
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
So the military paid for that. Oh, also out there reimbursement, tuition reimbursement, tuition assistance programs, okay. And I’ve studied also abroad in China. So Chinese medicine is a huge component, I think to the whole understanding holistic approach is understanding how the human body works and responds to homeopathic medicine and that kind of thing. So I was definitely grateful for that experience, because when I did decide to become an integrative practitioner and kind of work with some folks says Amen Clinics here in the United States. It helps to tie things and kind of in the direction that I wanted to go, because I’m really, really big into higher beta, helping people heal and reveal different layers of themselves that they tend to suppress when we are in very distressful situations and things like that in a natural way that doesn’t cause side effects and imbalances or further imbalances in the brain. So, yeah,
Dr. Connie Omari
That is impressive. Wow. Wow. Well, I think that’s really important information to have, especially as we transition into kind of what our topic is today. And we’re gonna be talking about Trump finding your life purpose. And I thought, no, there was no better person that can help us do that, then you got to Jefferson, just because of the way that you have clearly done that. I mean, it sounds like you know, you are not afraid to jump out there and really go for whatever it is that you want at a life. And we’ve got listeners who would love to have this type ofbackground or experience or just dried. So I guess what I want to go from here is how you certainly have had that you can’t get this far without having some level of resistance. So what is it about your resistance or your personality or whatever, that helps you to kind of persevere?
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
I would probably say, I was reared in a way that, you know, it was kind of outcome based. My father is extremely, he was out an outcomes based person. And even now, in a space where he’s no longer with us physically, his spirit lives on. And it continues to kind of press me to persevere in situations that look difficult or seemingly impossible in the moment. And I think that one of the biggest things that he taught me is that when you do decide, or commit yourself to something, it’s really important that you follow through. And for me, the follow through the outcome has been, I guess what, what has driven me up to this point before now. And that’s just how I am I kind of set up the end game. And then I allow myself to kind of have some grace and, you know, have some space and permission given to take my time with setting up the objectives as I’m moving along that process. And so it has a lot of lot to do with kind of introspect or digging deep within and looking within to see what what is going to prevent you from achieving that outcome. And then, of course, after you are honest with yourself, you look at some of the things that you’re like, Okay, I definitely want to change this. So realigning some of your energy, making sure you got the right kind of energy centered around you. And that means that sometimes you have to eliminate some of the people that you’ve gotten calls to in your life, because as you move on through the different phases and stages of life, some of the people that you were with in your previous experiences are not meant to be in your ladder experiences in life in the same way. So repositioning energy and understanding and tethering yourself to the right types of, of energy and your passions. That curiosity component has a lot to do with it.
Dr. Connie Omari
Very good. I just want to piggyback off with something that you said and see if we can, if you can speak a little bit more clearly on that. Um, I think a lot of times we grew up thinking that the people who are external to us are going to have the biggest influence on us. So you know, maybe the mailman or the corner store, you know, person, but do you find that sometimes it’s the people that are the closest to you, they have the biggest impact, especially when they express some level of you doubt and your ability to be successful. In other words, you mentioned your dad, your dad seemed to be encouraging for you. But imagine he wasn’t Imagine if he said, You know what, you can never become a doctor. Would that have a bigger influence on you are with the person at the nail salon, that you don’t know, really have a bigger impact on you?
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
I think for me, my father had a greater impact. And he was an attorney. And I come from a long line of attorneys. And so it wasn’t he wasn’t very supportive of what I saw for myself. He was more supportive of what he saw from me. And he made he was like, Okay, well, before you become this, you have to do this. So it’s up to you how you make that happen. And so that’s probably what built more resiliency in me, maybe he didn’t know when then. Okay, but yeah,
Dr. Connie Omari
Okay. Yeah, I just want to Why didn’t ask him he want you to become an attorney. Oh, yeah. Okay, just curious. You’re all being, you know, obviously became very, very successful. And the point I was making, and I hope that the audience is able to take from this is that, you know, a lot of times we are not prepared for the inner critic that’s in our circle. Right? Because you know, we always think the stranger danger, peace. But the people who typically influence us the most are the people closest to us. So like you were saying, Dr. Jeff Hussey, you want to be careful with who you bring into your space, as you can read the wrong person that tells you you can’t do it. And that’s how you’ll start to believe it.
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
Yeah, and you know, the realities around that are, you know, it, you have to have healthy energy. Right. So, I think one of the things for me, one of the greatest things was like, for my father, he was just like, you know, we were smart in this way, you know, or the fact that you’re a woman, because like, in my country, in Finland, everything’s around gender roles by preparing a person for their purpose. And their purpose, essentially, is about culture. And we’re very culture driven, folks. So it’s like, you know, women have to do this, and men have to do that. So for me, I was always one that was curious. And attempting to defy the odds, I came up during a heavily segregated time period in the world. And that’s why my parents were separated. So these are things I think that built a certain level of resiliency. Because I was like, Well, you know, what, yeah, I’m a woman, but you know, I’m gonna do what I want. I’m gonna accomplish these things. And yet one day, I’ll rest in my femininity and allow my man to leave. But I’ll still have this because this is what I want to know, I want to help people, and it’ll look like this. I think that over the course of my lifespan, however, because I have always been really curious, I learned that helping people can look different ways. Absolutely. Yes, yes. And so you go from one element. And the transition was because I felt I saw more of the harm. And in the profession as I was seated, and so I decided, okay, well, yeah, if I’m not doing this to the capacity, the fullest capacity, where my Spirit is leading me to only manifest the great components of health and wellness, then I don’t want to do it at all. So for the more freedom component, the more flexibility component, then I pursued psychotherapy. And I felt like it was a way more impactful thing at this here. And now, you know, I mean, so absolutely.
Dr. Connie Omari
Yeah, we do appreciate your service and your transition in your in your ability to work through so you can do this.
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
Awesome. Thank you.
Dr. Connie Omari
You’re welcome. What’s the one thing that you wish black families knew about pursuing your goals?
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
Well, I think the the one thing that I wish that black families knew in general, it’s probably that the sky is the limit, what you set out for yourself is is what you can you have the capability to accomplish, and your perception will sometimes cloud your ability to be able to step into your purpose. So realigning yourself with the right energy within that allows you to expand your capacity to function and to be successful means that sometimes you have to look at things for what they are in life. But also be more specific about what those things mean for you. And make that thing a positive thing, whatever the experience is, because lots of negative experiences can happen over a lifespan. But it doesn’t mean that it has to be negative for us negative experiences can yield positive lessons. Taking the lessons from experiences is what matters, in the grand scheme of things because we have to move into a place of emotional maturation, where we’re recognizing the lessons and we’re utilizing them to our fullest capacity to succeed in life. And so I always tell people, my one of my main themes is, growth is inevitable. But maturation is a choice. We have to choose to mature through the experiences that life feels to us appropriately.
Dr. Connie Omari
I love it. I love it. I want to know a little bit more if you can speak to our audience about growing up in Norway. Finland, Finland, sorry, in Finland, and being in a did you say it was racial unrest? I’m trying to think of the words that you use.
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
Yeah. racially divided when I came to America.
Dr. Connie Omari
Oh, yeah. So that so you didn’t have that experience in Finland. You didn’t You didn’t give it to me came here. Wow. Yeah.
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
It’s like in other countries, and I’ve lived in the vast majority of countries for length of time, but in other countries, it’s not the same as here. Everybody, I think, in America has this idea that that racism is something that started in was wounded and booted in America then to spread everywhere, but the idea of race only exists here, we don’t have black or white or none of that. We are culture base. And other countries also culture base. So it doesn’t matter what your skin tone is. And black people think that every black person comes from Africa. You know, there are no white people that come from Africa innately and things like that. And a lot of those myths, I think, have to be removed. Because there are people of every shade and color that live and grow in are from originally from all parts of the world, and they look different ways. So I think that for me, when I was exposed to racism, and, you know, my father explained that to me, as I was growing up, you know, he was just like, you know, this is the reason your birth mother is not around, this is what she looks like, this is what this is, this is what our relationship was like. And, you know, I was visiting a friend in America, and we hooked up. And when she said she was pregnant, because of my grandparents are mixed her father, he had some racial racial biases against white people. And just your mother white. My mom is a black woman, but her grant, her dad was my grandfather is the son of a slave and a slave owner. Oh, it’s a lot of history, and a lot of I think, negative, impactful history, but for him, then that kind of shaped his views. And, um, he was a protective thing. So my mom just thought that the worst, right, if he finds out, I’m pregnant by white guy, you know, all bets are off. And so that disappointment component? And what will he do think, you know, because there was a lot of ways things were different.
Dr. Connie Omari
Absolutely, absolutely. Um, you know, and I’m glad you’re bringing this perception perspective up. My husband’s actually from from Ghana. And, you know, I just the way even the way he looks at success is very different than where it is here. To a point where, what am I trying to say? It’s, he doesn’t think about barriers in ways that we do. Right? And then and then though, and then though, what he has been committed to, has been very, very well, because they haven’t paid for everything like they have are screaming.
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
Oh, yeah.
Dr. Connie Omari
School free here, and you can’t stop. You don’t want to go to school in the morning. What do you mean?
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
Yeah, there is no government assistance, or housing programs and things like that. We don’t have any of that everything is very community center. Everything is very, I like to say individualistic, but also collectivism. As far as the the mindsets of the people, we all band together to help out people that are in unfortunate circumstances, even though we have like jobs in the city and things like that, if things were developing more, you would still be very much tethered to your family’s farmland and things like that, because you still somebody started cultivate that land, right? So I think, duplicity in roles and things like that think those ideals I was already raised with, and also roles in that system was a huge component for myself. So I think that in America, a lot of black people are missing that link that ties them to their true purpose and their true culture.
Dr. Connie Omari
You can speak to this as someone who works in trauma, community or individual, whatever has been traumatized, you begin to doubt the senses that are that are blown within you, like when so when you say Ouch, that hurts. And you’re taught that you can’t say that you can’t feel that you can’t believe that. And you start to believe that you can’t so you lose touch with your person. That’s that’s essentially what I think trauma is one of the biggest trauma is and you know, so it’s refreshing to talk to someone who’s, you know, been in spaces where, you know, they they’ve constantly been encouraged to fight well, I don’t know, tell me, we’re, like, helping bridge this. How can a person who’s been through something traumatic, and we can we’ve done other episodes on trauma? I think a lot of people don’t even understand that. But what you just described is trauma. When a group of people grow up not knowing who they are, are not knowing how to connect with you they are of the type of racial barriers as you describe that be that narratively how many of us when I was in high school, I knew One black principle, and that was 101. We didn’t have a Paula was not President yet, you know, I never say, never thought a black person would be in that White House. And let’s say we’re cleaning it right now.
I there were no black doctors in my neighborhood and like, no headaches, I never again, I had some in my family, but in terms of me having access to them, and that’s and I will admit that that has helped me to see like doctors to see black attorneys. But I recognize a lot of the blacks that I grew up around did not have that. So when you take into consideration the trauma of a community that just doesn’t have access to these resources, and meaning to find your purpose, but not thinking that not knowing how to connect to it because the society society that you live in, makes that pursuit more challenging. I don’t know. I feel like I’m rambling now. Can you help me out a little more?
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
No, sometimes sometimes we are in sometimes we’re in situations. So I say that perception is reality, right? So when we talk about the neuroscience and neuro cognition of people, humanity, what makes us and drives us as human beings like what shapes our personalities and things like that has a lot to do with not only our perception, but perception of the people that imprinted themselves on us. So our parents caregivers during attachment. And so if they believe and move and think in a certain way, then So shall we, until we learn and move in thinking a different way, because we’ve been impacted differently by our society and environment, the way that our culture now shapes us, outside appearing caregiver. So if a lot of times, black culture, American culture, I’m gonna say that American culture cultivates a sense of inferiority and superiority and people before they know they’ve done that. Through the education system, and I, you know, I hear a lot of black people complain about the education system, oftentimes, but I don’t see them doing anything different. And then like, I know, there are a lot of people that are clinicians, I hear them ask all the time, like, how do you do that? How do you manage to homeschool your kids? Because I’m a mom of many kids. 11 kids total? You know, seven of them are now adults.
Dr. Connie Omari
And so you or not, you have 11 children? Yeah. She is why I was even surprised that she has been in the Navy for like 20 years or something. I’m like, she does not love throwing you.
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
I’m telling my gosh, it’s it’s I think it was interesting. I was taking a picture yesterday, and I wasn’t taking the picture myself, like my other half is taking the picture. And he was like, Oh, I got the picture above. And I was like, No, I don’t want everybody knowing that a million kids. Like, I was like, we’re gonna crop that out. Oh, my goodness. No, like, you know, I think I think what what happens is, my kids, though they have they have taught me what it looks like to have children that are raised in certain cultures versus American culture. My older kids, the oldest six, you know, there are three sets of twins.
Dr. Connie Omari
So I’m sorry. So your oldest six were both the three sets of twins at Twin and then another twin and another one.
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
And it’s a little bit of distance between them. So the oldest ones are 31, then 26, almost 27. And then 21. So, though, you know, for me, I was able to see them come up different agents, apparently, you know, different friends and society was changing a little bit. But they were able to come up in like Germany, Finland, Norway, Japan, you know what I mean? They got like various exposures in Africa and things like that. Now, the younger kids even though they had like some exposure to these countries, they were I was phasing out and moving more towards America. As far as like my movements, preparing for, you know, retirement, things like that. And so their life experiences are a lot different. Oh, they’re they’re very, I say American eyes. They’re very different and their personality shapes and things like that. And I think all of them are but in a different way. So American school system, I probably put maybe three of my kids through an American school system for maybe a couple of years. And after that, I was like, yeah, no. Wow. And they were. Yeah, because they kept trying to skip them three grades ahead. Things like that, because I teach at home first and then introduced into the school system and American schools and you don’t have to pay for it. So right, right. And I’m on let’s see what happens. But but they were there, they just were not being challenged and a lot of the things that they were learning, I needed them to unlearn because those things started to reduce their capacity for seeing themselves in their purpose and being as driven as the older kids. So wow, yeah. So we went back to the home field.
Dr. Connie Omari
So you basically have like, firsthand lived experience, just give me your children based on what we Yeah,
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
So I’m able to Yeah, I’m able to see the differences and, and they’ve been a lot of my research, my little guinea pigs, if you will, like when I come back, and now that I think about what their lives, what their lives were like, and what life’s experiences yielded for them separately, because we converse a lot. We’re a communication type family. And so they give me a lot about their experiences and stuff like that. And I’m really grateful for that, because they were able to share on that on that level with me. But I think that the most impactful thing is resiliency factors are built not necessarily out of the trauma in and of itself, but perceptual. So the way that we receive the world around us, I think, sometimes like black people say to themselves, like, Well, I’ve been conditioned to think that I am lesser than my ancestors were. So so am I. And there are a lot of things that were missing from American history books and things like that, you know. And so I think that, in buying into that, that narrative, it creates a space where cognitively, and everything starts in your brain, right? telling yourself that, you know, you are lesser than because your predecessors were less than and they really weren’t, you know, black American people when I was introduced to the United States. And as I was coming up, we’re very prideful folks with a very rich culture of slavery did not make them feel less. No, it didn’t, it empowered them. And post slavery, there was some of the greater folks to be around because they were so successful. In building, you know, a lot of people don’t know the world before Black Wall Street left, because they tried to raise that, and I’m happy now that, you know, through advocacy and things like that they’re trying to finally reveal and so people know what really happened there. Because I think that black people need to know where they really come from. And I think that will empower them to move to a place where they’re more resilient, and they feel more driven, because I think that if you condition yourself that society that is against you, or perceived experiences, right, will be very negative until somebody else proves you wrong. So you’re holding somebody else accountable for your own growth. You know, I saw them the series on was that HBO max or Netflix? Have you seen it? No, prime?
Dr. Connie Omari
I think it’s called them?
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
Uh huh. I have not seen it. A lot of my a lot of other clinicians that are black clinicians, and white clinicians have told me that they were extremely triggered when they watched it. Right. So what that tells me is that I mentioned that I’m an outcomes based person, right? Absolutely. Uh, huh. I’m like, where is this going? But having some of the experience and having witnessed some of those experiences firsthand, it was actually eye opening, to see somebody portraying this story in the way that they did, because he did a really good job of showing what the black experience has evolved into and how black American could come out of the mindsets that are there currently is like, yeah, in the very beginning, you do see some things that are very disturbing. Because reality is sometimes hard to see. But I think it’s essential to understanding how far we’ve come right? And having a certain level of appreciation for the full circle of things. And if you see it in the end, if you see it all the way through because most people just start watching they’re like, I’m not watching I can’t watch it past two episodes. Third episode is a no go.
Dr. Connie Omari
I know I’m gonna watch it though. You got my interest.
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
Yeah, so gotta watch the ATM. Yes, I’m gonna watch it and you got to watch it through okay. Um, watch the whole thing I promise whole thing you know and don’t Don’t be in there like most classes diagnose and like having a whole psychotic break, you know, it’s, it’s rare. It’s more empowering than not. If you watch it and you can, you can kind of see the storyline unveiling as it kind of moves past, I think that third or fourth episode, but it’s a great, it’s a great watch. It is it is and see things come full circle, I think can be very empowering for the black community. So I feel like that’s one thing that can help build resiliency in us, I think seeing ourselves for what we truly are and for our greatness, I think people can benefit from that we can start reshaping some of the perceptions and the vicarious traumas that we’re handing down innately.
Dr. Connie Omari
You know, not necessarily intentionally, right. Yeah, it’s subconsciously, we don’t even know we’re doing it.
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
Exactly.
Dr. Connie Omari
How do you I want to ask a quick question on this, okay. Because, you know, I’ve been trying to think of the best way to go about this without Allison, as a black woman who was born in America, I take a lot of pride in my culture, I will take a lot of pride in even what we’re doing today. Like, I love that our the way that we dance, I love the way that we have rhythm. I love the way that we can participate in sports. And of course, I love the intellect and all of the things that we do, I’m amazed by, but you know, there’s every once in a while, I’ll just turn on the radio, and I’ll just be like, I just cannot believe, you know, they just said, yeah. Me, it’s just like, and so it just what I hear you talk about, you know, just kind of, I mean, our legacy, you know, all the potential we have, we have all these great gifts, all these talents. And some times just how do you make sense of basically how strong our history is, like, like with slaves? You’re right, if they didn’t meet their spirit, I don’t know how it could. But you know, there’s tons of various, I think there is levels to it.
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
I think that we have to first be strong enough to explore the true understanding of slavery and its own right. Your husband is from Ghana, so he’s not far from where these things began in its own right. Comes from his grandparent. Yeah, this is yeah.
Dr. Connie Omari
So many, he might not would like hearing this, but he doesn’t have any strong. That’s another piece. He’s also detached from it. Um, he literally right down the street from where the salacious was in, always been there a handful of times.
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
Yeah, but see, the thing is in Africa, in various African nations, there’s a lot of rich history about the beginning and the formation of slavery after slavery wasn’t something that was forced on Africans, oftentimes, that’s what most people are forced to believe. But they, they had, they had slavery already in existence before colonizers came to them for assistance. And the idea of Yeah, so a lot of people who left Africa as slaves, they left with the notion already that they would be and set different standards for their, you know, kids and their grandkids to come. Because they wanted to one day be out of it. Right. And in Africa, back then, there was no out of it. So it was a form of punishment. And so when you break laws and things like that, I think they definitely have made some headway, but I think there’s still a long way to go. And it’s even worse in so many different parts of Africa now, like, when I was there are some areas of undeveloped that areas in Africa, and there is a lot of bad things that go on there. You know, and most people in the world don’t know about it, because they don’t have access to Wi Fi or internet or power, you know, even now, and it’s it’s just crazy to me somehow, you know, sometimes how far removed people can be from the realities of the world that we still live in. But but, you know, I think that’s what it is. It was a normative thing. So they are not negatively impacted, because apparently that means his line of people are more powerful. Well, yeah, but they’re upstanding.
Dr. Connie Omari
I had to bring it to his attention that he sounds like white people, you know, who say, What’s the big deal? You know, I mean, he’s, but the irony is, then he came here, where he was black like us.
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
And he had an opportunity to see what it’s like, what it’s like.
Dr. Connie Omari
Exactly, exactly. That humbled him significantly. Yeah. But I think for the people who are listening, you know, we should know that, you know, our experience is unique. But it’s up to us to figure out how we want to progress and grow from, right.
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
We have to look at the fact that things could be a lot worse. And I know that’s a terrible way to kind of say it, but it’s the reality of it. There are lines of people that are Heritage’s that were that were gone into their legacies into there, because they worked their fingers to the bone. And they had no kids and their slavery line ended in Africa, it didn’t come here to a land where they could one day be free. People here are descendants of greatness. And so we have to give ourselves grace and permission given to explore those traumatized areas of ancestors with a different lens. And when we do that, we can be empowered, because we can see what they really became from that. And so and what they really became as financially stable people with a really, really good eye for mathematics. They very charismatic and intelligent, like people, great sense of style, you understand it was a lot, there’s a lot to be admired. And I feel like we have declined in culture, because those types of you know, grandparents that handed down the legacy and handed down the truth of the lines, the lineage of what it means to be an African American back then those people died without having given enough of the story impact to their kids and grandkids and things like that.
Dr. Connie Omari
So I think that was outlaws like me, you get in trouble talking about you know, like, especially communicating and teaching the language and stuff like that, like, you could be punished for doing that.
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
Well, when immediately following slavery, and I say immediately following slavery, because it took a while for it to actually end here. Correct. Um, so in about 1910, to about because my grandfather was born 1920 1816, something like that. Between then, right, so about maybe 1910, to about 1935, there was a serious transition that took place, and that’s where Black Wall Street was formed. So a lot of that has a lot to do with the successes of black culture after slavery actually ended and what that transition really looked like. So sharing in their culture was not out loud that time. That’s, that’s a that’s a fallacy that we’ve been given to believe, because that was it was outlawed when slavery was in existence. Correct. But when there when there was space and time for folks to really develop themselves, and it took their land opportunities that were given to them, they made a very good investment. They built their community.
Dr. Connie Omari
You know, they had to happen, like, what would you say? I mean, I’ve got people who will celebrate every January, Martin Luther King holiday because they don’t have to go to school or work, but couldn’t tell you who the man was.
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
You know, it’s your life to battle. Yeah. Yeah.
Dr. Connie Omari
How do we connect?
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
Like, you know what I mean? Like, how do the school? Yeah, he said, the school is not teaching us, ya know, they’re teaching us the, you know, the version that make them look not too bad.
Dr. Connie Omari
You know, I said it, but they’re not giving us the facts. So how do you have any suggestions?
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
My suggestion is for black people to do their own research and start to get it get a little bit more acquainted with the unsolved. So the folks that we’re not talking about as much in history, to expand the palette of education and the thirst for knowledge, right, around black culture and successes, I think that there is a lot to be rendered. Here recently, they started to dig up and to let people into some of the information they tried to hide about Tulsa and the burning down of Black Wall Street. So I think that that’s a great opportunity for black people to step into their grace. Finally, I think that people need to grab on to that knowledge, and continue to allow that to flourish, allow that insight from that time to flourish, not the detriment of the massacre. Because there were some great successes, that during that, during that week, even though it’s a terrible thing, a lot of lives were lost both black and white. There, there was some great successes in that event in of itself. So great takeaway, you know, to see what
Dr. Connie Omari
I am, I’m embarrassed to say, I’m not totally familiar even with what you’re talking about. I mean, I have heard of it. But I don’t know the details either. So do you have a suggestion of where we can kind of go to get some more information about it?
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
Well, right now, it’s a huge thing. Since about 98 or so, I know myself and a whole group of advocates. We’ve been fighting for this information to be released from the public. So what happened is back in love was in 1922. I think it was May 31 1920. It started everything and it kind of cycle this young man on the elevator with a white woman. And like I said, this is post slavery, right? But it’s during. I call it integrated segregation. Okay. So it’s a time because black people after slavery didn’t want anything to do with white people. No, of course not. people, black people had their own government. And whites had their own government as they moved into a place of trying to create safety. You know, because a lot of people think they Oh, we weren’t given our 40 acres. And that’s a lie, too. They live in that space. And they went to build in this space, near Tulsa, Oklahoma. That’s where most people migrated, you have some that went to like California, some went to New York to work and Chicago to work. But this was like the centralized place for black success. And so this is where you had all of the black engineers coming up and rail wall rail wall, rail wall, rail way workers, things like that, right? You had them coming up in a space where they could actually excel in have apprentices that will also black to create success in lines, banking, all of that finances all of that. And they were so successful. They had laws that banned blacks and whites from have inhabiting residences, purchasing land, where 25% More 30% More with the other race. Oh, wow. So this was a protective factor, because of course, you know, post slavery, you had trust issues. And so they wanted a chance to really build something. And I think they did a really, really good job. They had their stores, they had their farmers markets, they had their houses, they had their construction agencies, businesses, finances, banks, and things like that. And they were very doing very well, you know, but you also had a lot of sundown towns to get to them. Okay, and so they were so successful in their plight, this one encounter spirals, angry mobs of white people because this, this encounter with this young black man was on the front end on the elevator with this white woman. She was startled to say the lease, she wrote, I think two or three floors, down on an elevator with him. And when he got off the elevator, he ran out. And she was like, had this stale look on her face. And she never gave a statement saying that he assaulted her or did anything to her. I think it’s just the fact that she was shocked to be in the same space in the same time, like, man, you know what I mean? Right. And he was two, equally startled. But the Sheriff of the town was a white guy. And he had a compact with the Black Caucus, and the Black Caucus happened to be like black leadership. So it was like those black people that fought in the war, World War One. And they were very well respected people. And they had their own way of managing engaging the black community. So he went and he arrested this guy. So he could protect provide protection. Because you got to understand blacks and whites to live in the same neighborhood. And he wanted to prevent anything from happening, because there were a lot of white people asking, because it was a white bale guy. Oh, this so of course, you know, it’s gonna work, it’s gonna get back. So he broke, he provided protection for this that whole time he was locked up, and they provided protection for him after he called the Black Caucus to help. Because the crowd was growing outside trying to get them in, they wanted to hang it. Wow, they were convinced that he had done something to her, even though she’s denying it, denied it to the police denied it to them. And so they were like, he did something he did something. And in that, that space, that chaos, there was something some words exchanged between one of the Black Caucus members because they had their little gang and I think it was maybe like 200 or 300. And you think about the growing amount of the whites, you know, coming up, though, it was maybe over 900. So my grandfather says because he was small during this time, and the fight broke out, a gun was fired. And then after that, you know, gunfire on both ends of it, trying to clean it up, they still protected this guy. Nobody ever got inside of the jail. You know, National Guard was called to help assist you know, and fight off the angry mob and things like that. But there were a lot of people who lost their lives that day. In the aftermath of When they were trying to protect the blacks and put them in concentration camps like to remove them from their home so that nothing could happen to them overnight. That ended up being a bad idea as well, because their city was then burned down. Wow, you see what I’m saying. So it’s a lot that came with that in the aftermath. And when he was released from jail, he left town because he felt like he was the start of all of it. And then you also have like a lot of blacks after leaving the camps, they left town to because indenture territory, they didn’t want to have to rebuild. And it didn’t, it just left a very sour impact on a lot of those people. So a lot of them traveled south started to rebuild family members in different places and stuff like that. But Black Wall Street as we knew it back then ceased to exist again, after that you have Black Panther Party, try and come back and revamp it. Because some of the people who were a part of that experience migrated to the northern states. And they couldn’t do it because they tried to hide the stories. They removed it from the newspapers, the clippings and things like that. So now, you have people who own land in these spaces where they dug the shallow graves. And so now it’s all being unveiled. So Congress is now looking into a Dave on earth over I think it was 200 300 bout bodies. Why, in the last year, yeah Coronavirus has been going on. So it hasn’t been the centralized theme anymore. But they’re still on earthing body using and they want to get proper burials and graves and you know, things like that. So it’s a lot to it. So I urge the people that are listening that are from either community, because I think that it creates a sense of understanding of where we really come from as people and how we’ve evolved as a nation. And it definitely helped me understand my grandfather’s sentiments and things like that when I came and I got to know him around 11 years old or so. And I think that we we have to be people that are resilient because our ancestors wanted a different outcome. It’s not about the journey of becoming, it’s about where you end up. So you can’t stay in the trauma, you know, what I mean? finding your purpose, it’s about being resilient. Finding strengths and, and negative experiences and continuing to persevere because you know that the outcome is worth it. I love it.
Dr. Connie Omari
Yeah. Is there a myth that you’d like to debunk for black families about finding your purpose?
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
Yeah, the white man is preventing you from stepping into a place of greatness. I love it. Find them? Where? Yeah. Can we get? Can we get a drawing, okay. You know, nothing can stop you from reaching your goals. Nothing, unless it’s you, everything is inside of you. So, like I said earlier, perception is reality, if you want it bad enough, you will achieve it. I mean, we see a lot of young man going out here. And they’re very intentional in eliminating one another’s lives. Okay. In the black community, we take and turn a blind eye to that. But I say we can look at the experiences, right? We can look at how resilient they are in trying to kill each other in these gang wars. And we can ask them to repurpose that energy towards building their brand, building a business contributing to the community giving back putting the guns down, taking a stance against violence, right, and helping people to find their common ground so they can move forward in a purpose driven way, you know, that doesn’t lead to the exile of our people.
Love it. Why have you said that? Because um, I recently interviewed recently was actually few years ago, several years ago actually interacted with someone who sold drugs. And I was curious, actually, okay, this is an ex boyfriend. Trying to be basketball, let me just be vulnerable. And when I High School, and he was explaining to me, I was curious. I said, How do you do this? By the time he had explained like, that is a sophisticated crowd you Exactly. Why don’t you just use that and go to jail. I was your waist. Exactly, exactly.
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
I’m telling you, like, when I tell you I meet some of the most, you know, you hear a lot of negative thoughts and a lot of negative regards about people and what we call hybridized neighborhoods. But the reality is, people are using the system to get to where they need to be and set them up, okay, set themselves up. We all we all know the plan, we know the plot, we know the system, we know that the process, okay. And I understand if you have a healthy ends to your me, I’m 100% for you, but make sure you use it to its fullest capacity. You know, make sure your while you have in that time, excuse me often working, help your kids cultivate greatness and shape, brightness and purpose out of their lives. Okay, don’t have them going out here, lean into the streets, because that’s not going to get a long term goal. You know, you don’t want your kids to become a hashtag. We talk about police brutality and violence and targeting black America, we have to ask ourselves, what is it in our culture? That creates a sense of we’re a threat theory? Because we’re not back in the 50s and 60s, right? No, we’re not. We’re not. And I think that we use that as a crutch to you know, okay, our patterns of behaviors that are negative, and we feel like we don’t have, you know, the power to change, but we do, we have the power to teach and preach and show these kids that there are other ways to resolve your issues. You know, you know, I just those are, those are my things, I just think that we could do so much as a culture, you know, we could do so much better. But we’re in our way.
Dr. Connie Omari
Absolutely. We’re in our own way.
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
Yeah, we got to get out of our own way, and allow our greatness to truly shine. You know, we’re very, very smart people. very resourceful.
Dr. Connie Omari
We wouldn’t have been able to make it through what we’ve made it through.
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
Exactly, exactly. These young guys selling drugs. Yeah. They have some solid business. Get your LLC get you? You know, I mean? Yeah, I’m telling you, they have a lot of potential. But I feel like it’s just untapped. You know, and they’re looking for support in the wrong places, you have to sometimes look with the end, because the answers you have them nobody else does. You’re that guys.
Dr. Connie Omari
And and and ladies, you know, it’s it’s, you know, we want to say, Well, my dad wasn’t there, he’s in jail, my mom did this. And those things might be true. And I’m sure they are, end of the day, there’s something in you that you have to tap into to take you to the next level.
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
Exactly. And you have to find that be curious, be vulnerable. You know, don’t be afraid to step into those spaces where your trauma shines through. And it’s difficult because you have to find ways to ground yourself and keep you present in this moment, as you re experienced that trauma through a different lens. I think that when we give ourselves permission to do that. And we go back and we re explore our experiences, and maybe go outside, put your feet in the grass and maybe your toes while you’re reflecting or find yourself in the air finding a focus on breathing and the smells around you. Is there a lot of ways for us to get ourselves there. But we have to do it where we’re grounded, where we can bring ourselves back to the here and now safely when we’re re experiencing those traumatic events and finding out what we could have done a little bit differently. And it’s not the same as a lot of folks say, oh, that’s victim shaming, but it isn’t called victim resonating. So we’re helping people to resonate with their experiences in a different way. So they can take the lessons out so that the lessons are standing out in a guys their next move. You understand more so than looking to blame. We’re looking for just accountability. Why was I really here in this moment where this happened? Wow.
Dr. Connie Omari
Love it. Love it. Yeah. Love it. Dr. Jefferson, you’ve just shared so much. I just wanted to pick your brain for another part of the show. And we’re gonna be wrapping it up soon. This is one of the longer episodes that we’ve done. But I’m just so fascinated by your wisdom and what you have to say. And I know the audience will be as well. Oh, thank you. Yes, yes. So this is this part of episode is called what’s good. And what’s good is just a place where I give you a hypothetical situation and you kind of coached the person through the process. Okay. Okay, Meet Nikita. Nikita is a 14 year old black female from a very rural small place in the United States. She’s smart, she makes good grades, she’s sociable, she has a great intellectual side to her. She’s very involved in school, she’s very involved in sports and clubs and things like that. However, her setting is very limited. None of her parents went to school to went to college, she’s never seen anybody do anything with their life, all of her peers either ended up selling drugs, or having babies right outside of high school and working in local jobs without exploring their territories, how can you advise her to tap into her potential and come out and do something with herself?
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
You said she’s in a very rural space. And she doesn’t have a lot of familiar supports that she has direct access to.
Dr. Connie Omari
Correct? Or the ones that she has. They don’t know anything about what she wants to do.
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
I would say. So find her her thing that makes her tick. Have her spend some time, you know, reflecting kind of on what she sees as her goals in life. And also asking the questions of why did you select something that’s outside of your your connectivity system. So your connectivity system is your your primary, your primary family of origin. So the people that are tethered to you naturally by way of family lines, familiar lines. And oftentimes we are people just being the human race, creatures of habit, we select something for us to do that resonates with what we’ve observed, directly. And that’s typically tied to your system. So your parents job on shop, grandmother shop, uncle’s job somebody calls to you. However, we also have to give credit to media, social and environment, you know, in their experiences that they yield to us. So when we ask the question of why did I select something that I’m interested in, that’s outside of what I’ve been exposed to primarily by my family system, what we’re doing is we’re trying to tap into her potential for greatness. Correct? Every Yeah, every once in a while there is this one, everybody says only have that one kid, that one kid, you know, a lot of folks call them the prodigal sons. They’re not necessarily that’s not necessarily the negative connotation that we give to that thing. The reality is, this person wants to become something greater than what they have seen directly. So something has inspired them to become that greater element, right. And so when we tap into that motivator, that one thing that motivates us to be different, and we allow that to shape our experiences moving forward, that’s the one thing that’s going to keep us grounded in where we’re going, we’re able to clearly define our goals in life. And we’re able to overcome the obstacles that may be presented before us in the future, as well as find the lines of delineation of the lessons that life yields and our experiences right now in our current exposures. And so sometimes they might look like seeing a couple of very traumatizing elements. Like I’ve dealt with kids that, you know, they came home one day and lived in the projects and saw their bodies. Well, why, and made a decision then that I want to be something great. I don’t know what it is. Right? But I want to be something different. That takes me out of this situation, if that were to allow that to guide our interactions in life, we will always find above and we will always remain resilient because we’re looking at what that trauma means for us. Absolutely. Okay. And so yeah, that’s, that’s definitely what I would advise, just look within figure out what that motivator is, and stay tethered to it. Allow that to guide your spirit and your interactions from then on.
Dr. Connie Omari
Love it. Love it. Well, Dr. Jefferson, you had been a wealth of information and insight to our audience today. I’m so grateful that you decided to join us on the show. Before we wrap up, can you let our readers know where they can find you and work with you and Foley if they want to?
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
Okay, well, if you guys are on social media, typically all of my platforms are a doc LQJB LLC LQ j cell phone. What is it facebook.com forward slash el que je put it in the show notes. Awesome. Awesome. And then also I have my own podcasts like this Questions for Dr. Jefferson and also do like videocast and things like that on YouTube, and on Facebook and Twitter, all that good stuff. So just if you type in life discussions with Dr. Jefferson, I should definitely come up.
Dr. Connie Omari
Awesome. Love it, love it. Well, thank you again for your time. I wish you the most of success in what you’re doing and keep inspiring people to live in their purpose. We appreciate you joining us today.
Dr. Laquanda Jefferson.
Awesome. Thank you. And it’s been great talking with you. All right, take care.
Dr. Connie Omari
Have a good day. You too. Bye bye!
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