Dr. Connie Omari
Hey, hey Hey and welcome to the black Marriage and Family Therapy matters podcast where we connect black families to black therapists. Today’s guest is Miss Shana Trimble.
Hey, Shana. How are you doing?
May I tell our guests a little bit about you,
Shana Trimble, LMFT
Please.
Dr. Connie Omari
Awesome. Shana tremble is a licensed marriage and family therapist in the state of Georgia and the owner of imperfect and balance LLC, which is a psychotherapy practice dedicated to the systemic view of the person and the impact it has on relationships across multiple entities. She is passionate about the health of the whole person. She has extensive experience assisting individuals, adolescents, couples, families, and marriages suffering with or without mental illness. Her focus in strength is strength based modalities allow her allows her to help many manage and overcome concerns related to psychological disorders, relationship issues, communication and much more. Mrs tremble also has extensive experience within the human capital industry. Combining the knowledge of both she helps businesses improve internal relations and develop a healthy culture that retains valuable staff and increases profit. With Miss tremble. You will see her desire to help within her community as a board member of the Tyro, Atlanta at the City of Refuge. Within this role, she dedicates time to youth advocacy as it pertains to youth empowerment, and useful skill building as well as assisting families reunite with loved ones with previous who had been previously sentenced to jail. Mrs. Shana tremble can be found on Psychology Today, the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy marriage.com, Facebook, Instagram, and by assessing her website, which is www dot imperfect balance.com. And I’m going to leave that link in the show notes so that you can find her. That’s awesome. Shana. That’s amazing.
Shana Trimble, LMFT
Just listening to that. I’m like, wow.
Dr. Connie Omari
How’d you do it? You know what?
Shana Trimble, LMFT
It took some time? Of course, you know, but I think passion was the driver.
Dr. Connie Omari
Mm hmm.
Shana Trimble, LMFT
I think moving in our passion moving in our purpose, right. I think that that kind of led the way and before I knew it, I was like, Well, I’m here.
Dr. Connie Omari
Exactly. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. Well, you know, the topic of our, our conversation today is really about leaving an impact. I think, and you can correct me on this. But I think especially in our community, in our black community, a lot of us a lot of is about existing. Um, I can’t speak for you. But I’m interested to learn a little bit more. With myself, I was taught a lot about education, not knocking at both of us, or, you know, higher education people. But there’s a difference between education and purpose. It is. And I find, just for instance, I’ve I’ve had a lot of clients who were attorneys. And my, I don’t know if it’s just me, but all of my attorney clients is I no longer attorneys, why they became lawyers. And I know what happened. I’m like, Why do I have all these lawyers who just try this? So maybe that’s just like, unique to me. But I do think you have something about the wanting to leave an impact. And the general consensus of at least what I’ve seen is that a lot of times they will study law, because it’s a prestigious degree. It has a long ability, it has a lot of status, a lot of money, but the impact that they’re looking to leave that’s like authentic and like within them. I don’t think they that law was the best way to do it. Again, I’m not saying that it’s not for some people, but I’ve run into a lot of people who have had that experience. So tell me, what does it mean, to focus on leaving an impact?
Shana Trimble, LMFT
For me when I say think about leaving the impact and kind of like how I approach that issue with my clients is living life on purpose. I think sometimes and I think for the most of us at some point or another, we have gotten to the point where we’re kind of idle pilot. And that means that you know, it’s about surviving, right? It’s about surviving, it’s about going to work. It’s about paying bills. It’s about being you know, being where I need to be on time, you know, and getting into a routine. And that routine allows us to remove being intentional on the things that we’re doing, right? To really sit back and say, Okay, why am I doing this? You know, so leaving an impact not just on ourselves, but being conscious that who we are, and who we create leaves? Has some has some type of impact on the people around us? Absolutely. It has an impact on our kids, it has an impact on our job, our co workers, our employees, the person that I be at the grocery store who’s checking me out, right? So who I am and what I represent the conversations that I have, they all have some type of impact on the the other receiving end. So how can we purposely develop ourselves, so that we are conscious that we want to leave some type of positive impact? Right? And I think that that would like control a lot of our behaviors, right? If that was the first thought on my mind, you know, and not to exclude ourselves? Because often we say, Okay, I’m thinking about the impact that I leave on everybody else. But we also have to remember what is the impact that I am leaving on myself? What legacy Am I leaving? And who do I allow to invite in to make some type of impact on me,
Dr. Connie Omari
I love it. I love it. Because a lot of times we you just said a word. Because I see it happens a lot in our community. When when when relationships separate, whether it’s boyfriend, girlfriend, fiance, marriage, whatever, a lot of times we blame the other person. Yeah. And we don’t take responsibility for the fact that you invited that person and in your life, that you said, Tony, have an impact on you, and especially gets me when it’s been like 1015 20 years. You stay with a person for 20 years. And and the only problem is them. You know, you’re not you’re not looking at your responsibility and inviting them in.
Shana Trimble, LMFT
Right. You know, and that’s that’s the I think that comes from the educational part of therapy. Right? So it’s the idea that you cannot be a participant in a relationship and not play a part in the end result? Absolutely. There’s, there’s no way, right. So just as I give out as just as I receive, I do. And often we want to say, Oh, well, no, it’s all their fault, you know. And then when we leave with that mindset, then what we do is we repeat all our negative in the new relationship. And then we think that somehow it’s supposed to have a new result, because we’re with someone new, but yet we haven’t
Dr. Connie Omari
Haven’t changed. So then we’re, you know, wondering why all men are dogs. We haven’t realized that what’s the common denominator?
Shana Trimble, LMFT
Ignite because I have the power, right. And I talked to talk about that as well. I have the power to influence someone else’s behavior, right, based on something that I do, right, I have the power to attack you, and therefore making beyond defense all the time, and then respond in that, in that nature. I have the power to love you in a way and help you learn how to love me, right? So I have that influence in a relationship. And a lot of times we like I said that impact. We just don’t think about it. We just don’t we just don’t think about.
Dr. Connie Omari
Shana. Thank you, thank you so much for that, and you know, you’re talking to obviously, black people, men and women, but we’ll hear a lot of a lot of women are listening to us and, you know, learning from us, and you know, we have a lot of stereotypes, men and women, but um, you know, the angry black woman, especially like the the workforce, and things like that. And so you think about impact, and it’s like how, you know, how do you work around that, like, knowing that it’s a risk, you know, for you to get maybe angry or for you to, you know, whatever it is that you’re doing? Um, how can you best leave an impact in the face of when you have things maybe against you?
Shana Trimble, LMFT
Okay, so, when I think about that, I definitely tap into myself, right, we are not anomalies, to the fact that, you know, we have experienced American women, right, just because we’re therapists and we teach things that doesn’t make us anti human. Absolutely. Right. And I think when we’re talking about developing self and we talked about dealing with emotions, versus the behavior that comes from an emotion, I think that there’s a separation there. Emotions are serve a purpose. I think a lot of times when people say, Oh, I was angry, I was mad, I was sad. I was whatever, whatever the what’s considered the negative emotion. I believe that emotions are there for a reason. They guide us they teach us they tell us not To repeat things, they show us what we like and what we dislike. Right. So there’s a purpose for them. But the responses the behavior to that emotion. And as we talked about leaving an impact and being, being present, and being ourselves and being human and feeling emotions, but yet, being okay with our responses, is really knowing like how to balance the two, right? I don’t think I don’t think that we can feel an emotion as African American woman, and somehow not be able to control it. And so it’s an appropriate place and appropriate time, I know how to put you in your place without cussing you out.
Dr. Connie Omari
That part ..
Shana Trimble, LMFT
so it’s learning how to attach an appropriate behavior to an emotion that is very much human. Right, very good. Just kind of dealing with it in that stance.
Dr. Connie Omari
I love that. I love that. And I think that’s very good that you say you know how to put a person in a place without cursing them out. Because for one, I think people think if you’re angry it, you have to curse them out. Right? And but for to win your educators. I know for me, and this is no shade at my husband, but he’s not a therapist. So he doesn’t know how to, you know, maybe work through a cognitive behavioral negative self talk thing in the capacity that I might not be able to. And so I have to be careful when even I’m talking to him. Because he’ll tell me quick fasteners, they’ll be psychoanalyzing me. And I’m not a psycho analysis, but I have because he knows he doesn’t know, but I better not be doing it. But I have to be mindful of, you know, like, leaving my impact recognizing that, okay, you know, when I get behind this computer screen, because I do everything via telehealth, I was doing this before COVID. You know, I’m therapist, Dr. Omari. That’s my impact. But then, you know, when he’s home for dinner, and on the weekends and all that stuff, I’m his wife. Right? And that’s a different impact this, then it is not sure what to do this type of stuff. And I think sometimes you do you agree that sometimes, maybe especially in our community, that we might forget that like, we might?
Shana Trimble, LMFT
Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. I think we have not really been taught or educated on how to effectively divide, you know, without somehow feeling like I need to divide myself, right. So we have different we have different lives, each individual has different lives. So we have a marriage life or a relational life, we have a work life, we have a parent life, you know, and we may be consistent who we are, it’s pretty much stays consistent across all of that. But each one requires something different of us. Right? Correct, right. And so oftentimes, when we start blending it all and giving each place in our lives, the exact same thing that we find that Okay, this looks real chaotic, or someone is not, I’m not getting satisfied out of this relationship, or someone else is not getting satisfied in a relationship, because our impact is now just one dimensional way of thinking right across all of these levels. So it’s really understanding, okay, my husband needs something else, you know, he doesn’t need what my clients need. He needs a wife. He doesn’t he hasn’t signed up for the therapist.
Dr. Connie Omari
No, we don’t have
Shana Trimble, LMFT
you know, same thing, like when I’m a parent, right, so, you know, I talk about raising, raising my daughters, and at no time did they need a therapist, they needed a mom, right?
Dr. Connie Omari
How hard it is to take that hat off. Because sometimes, you know, I remember the other day. You know, my daughter had a chocolate chip cookie. And I was we’re counting so we’re counting the chocolate chips, you know, whatever. And she’s like, Mom, I just want the cookie. Like, no. She’s like, if you don’t give me this cookie. So how do we find that belly like you want to leave the impact, but I don’t want her to think that. She always has a teacher and an educator because you get that at school. It’s not like the girls learn in school. But because I do this, I want you know, I don’t know like, how do you do that?
Shana Trimble, LMFT
You say that because even as I apply it to myself, I had to I have to be open Learning from my kid, right? open to learning that, you know, I’m not in a position where I’m always the instructor that I’m not learning information from you, because information is a two way street when we have relationships, right? So being able to first of all connect with your children, and then being able to kind of learn from them to when they say, Okay, I just want the cookie. So, it easily is able to say, Okay, let me okay. Let me feel that okay, maybe I was doing it wrong, you know, and be open to the fact that Yeah, even though we are considered right, the parents, I consider it the leaders, we are we human, we can make mistakes. Absolutely right. And those mistakes, don’t be gate apology, it doesn’t change the fact that I may need to evaluate it and do something different. Right? To understand what kind of impact I’m having on them by by being more stern, or by being, you know, always in this position, where I’m actually thinking as a therapist, or thinking as an educator and, and leaving that impact on them. So it’s not that we don’t want them to be educated. Right, but we want a good balance. And I think it’s more so about what’s good balance, because balance is important.
Dr. Connie Omari
So um, you know, we have a history in the black community of a very ugly institution of slavery. You know, I was reaching recently watching, I don’t know, if you’re seeing on Amazon, what is it the Underground Railroad? I don’t know if you see it, but it’s just, you know, a, you know, a black man never looked at a white man. And so, you know, if a white man is approaching you, whether it’s on the sidewalk, or definitely during slavery, he was expected that you would look down. And so we have it in us as a that was a survival strategy. You could get killed, if you want the black man in the eye, Tesla Jessie quality? So how do you think that history might affect our ability to feel comfortable, and leaving our impact even today?
Shana Trimble, LMFT
You know, it is such a, you know, when I think about that, and I have a workshop coming on, coming up about racism, and it’s gonna be at mentality, it is like stressing the information, and just how we deal with racism, and our own mentality, right. Because even today, you know, the things that we see the things that we go through, it is difficult to be able to balance that. And I wouldn’t take that from anyone, right. But the idea is to understand in what realm I live in, and be able to prosper in that room. So that means that I can’t use the idea that there is nothing for me to do. If I’m always in a cap, I always have a cap. That means that it is something I have to do that will ensure that cap is removed. Correct? Right. So when we start looking from a perspective of being held back, and I’m still in this position, versus I want to be out of this position, what is it that I need to do? And that changes the impacts that we decided to read?
Dr. Connie Omari
So am I hearing you say it’s a personal decision, it is all day.
Shana Trimble, LMFT
Because every not everybody can do it. Right? Everybody can do it. And we kind of put that expectation on the fact that, okay, we’re African Americans, you know, we are resilient. Without without a doubt, we are definitely resilient. But that everybody is resilient. And that as a strong black woman or a strong black man, we can take those hits, and we can keep going, that is false. Right? That is false, it is not for everybody. So for those ones that are willing to uplift, and leave that impact, that impact allows you to be strong enough to lead and carry someone else with you.
Dr. Connie Omari
I love that. Um, what do you wish black families knew about being able to leave an impact?
Shana Trimble, LMFT
I think for the most part, the open. I think that if we knew more about how to be open to being able to do things in a way that fits us. Not always having to follow but Create, because society doesn’t really open up for that when you’re a minority. It’s all about, okay, what are they doing that looks successful, right? It looks like I need to be doing that, that looks like the day that we’re supposed to be doing. This is what society wants. Society is not us so much as a minority, right? Society tells us that we should be doing this. And then when we come home, we apply those same things, to our homes and our relationships and our families, even though they don’t fit who we are. I think the biggest thing is being open to that home adjustment, that we create what works for us. And we have our own little culture at home to make sure that we thrive. We don’t push ourselves to a place where we really it just really unhealthy for us. Because sometimes adapting what the majority is doing is not good for us.
Dr. Connie Omari
Absolutely, absolutely.
Shana Trimble, LMFT
Yeah. And I think that whole do what you see, regardless of what it does to us, is not a good idea.
Dr. Connie Omari
It is not a good idea. It is not a good idea. What do you wish black families knew about leaving an impact how it affects so many things, right?
Shana Trimble, LMFT
So many things, so many avenues, so many divisions. how the world sees us as a collective, the power it has on our children to do something different in the next generation. If almost like our impact, redesigned our DNA. I love that. I love that. I love that. So eat with each positive impact, we become stronger. We become more resilient, we become more powerful as people. And then we we love the fast sales, right? To ability to stay on top based on your own accord and not because somebody else is holding you ever that depended on the strength of somebody else? I think that makes a difference.
Dr. Connie Omari
It does. Where do you see black families struggling the most in finding their impact?
How’s the expectation?
Huh? Tell me more.
Shana Trimble, LMFT
I think as I run into, like the client, some of the clients that I have some people that I know what our expectations of self sometime our expectation of what our communities in the world is supposed to be doing for us because of something. I think that that impacts our ability to put some of our ability that everybody you know, we don’t use call fallacies, all never. But some of our abilities to push past because I’m expecting something to happen and may not. And so that I don’t put my my full face forward or my 100% foot I’m not actually trying to overcome because I feel like half of it should come from somewhere else.
Dr. Connie Omari
Does this look like I know in my practice, when I’m working with women who have had bad experiences with love and relationships, they might not show up fully for fear that they might get hurt. And in fact, the client recently told me I leave them before they leave me. Is that kind of what you’re talking about?
Shana Trimble, LMFT
Yeah, pretty much. We have a big when we talk about expectations. We definitely use history. I think as human we use his history not to put our full selves forward. Right, whether we talked about slavery, whether we’re talking about things that’s happening in the current, whether we’re talking about things that’s happened in our relationships, we do use history to somehow create our expectations of what life should be like, versus going in to create what I think life should be like. One good example is you know, I’m a lover of relationships. Right? So that’s, that’s my passion. Yeah, yeah. So when I look at marriages, and we come into a marriage, and we come with our own expectations of what this marriage will look like, but because of that, we don’t often come into the marriage with it. idea that we’re going to design our own. So therefore the expectation that we come with, we’re looking for, for something from that expectation, right? I’m looking for this man to behave like my dad did, or what I seen on TV. And then these are the rewards that our reap from that, right. So if I married this man who has all this money, I’m looking for him to take care of me with this way. When he may not even be a giver in that.
Dr. Connie Omari
Really, definitely.
Shana Trimble, LMFT
Yeah, he might be like, my mind is my way.
Shana Trimble, LMFT
Right, right. Right.
Right. But because there’s something that I’ve seen possibly where, you know, my dad came home, and he kind of took care of my mom, you know? So then that’s kind of expectation when maybe it shouldn’t be. So it’s coming together from the job, right? With either myself or who I’m with to say, Okay, I have these expectations. But then what do I want? How do we bring our expectations together, see what works, see what doesn’t, and then create what we have now.
It’s hard, because, you know, we tend to be like I say, on autopilot, we just go with the flow, we fall in there. We don’t have a real hard conversations with ourselves or with others, you know, and we just hope that it’ll just float down until the issue pops up.
Dr. Connie Omari
Where do you think, again, our history of, of slavery, I think I see this so clearly, and what you’re, what you’re identifying, because, you know, there the time, again, not, not not getting education for one educator to another, there’s value in that we wouldn’t be able to do what we’re doing right now. Without it, we didn’t have it. But there’s more to it. Yeah, if you are unable to demonstrate that, you know, or if you’re unable to find your purpose. It’s like, I like the example I was doing, I think begin with the attorneys that I mean, you don’t get more educated than a law degree, you know, as about what an AI is, you know, fields you can have. So, but that doesn’t mean you have to promise I’m not knocking it. But um, but um, but I’m curious to know your thoughts on how, you know, a couple 100 years ago, we weren’t we were in the field somewhere, we couldn’t even be in nobody’s University. So for the longest time, it’s been all about getting there. Have we as a syst, as a culture? Have we lost some of that angst about being in touch with our identity and are leaving an impact?
Shana Trimble, LMFT
I think so. I don’t think anybody can say that, you know, we’d look at Come on, we look at what hard work meant. But then what hard work looks like now we look at I did to actually, some of us, and I can’t even talk. It’s I just talked about me, right? So I took the traditional way of becoming a therapist, I was in corporate America. In corporate America, where corporate America can kind of make it easy, you know, the idea is to you know, I get a job, I get a decent salary, right? And then I just do what I’m doing, right? Again, getting on that autopilot, going to work coming home, get something to eat, maybe play with your kids, talk to your husband go to bed, same thing every day. Right. And, you know, just the idea that I knew that I wasn’t doing enough. Right. But I was comfortable in what society had now presented to me. You had arrived. Yeah, yeah. And so I didn’t, it didn’t require anything extra of a meeting to live comfortably, right, or to what I thought was comfortable. And even though this inkling because I always wanted to be a therapist, but I was like, I want to go to school, but
Dr. Connie Omari
that part ..
Shana Trimble, LMFT
I want to be studying for this long do I want to do that? You know, so there was that reservation because guess what, that was worked. That was worked. And then so when I decided that, you know what, this itch in me just doesn’t go away? Maybe that is something and then I see myself doing the life coaching in the business because that’s what I started with, right? helping them build up cultures and be able to say, okay, I can reduce my turnover because my managers know how to treat my employees so that we can increase our revenue. And then I noticed, you know, from just the HR perspective that a lot of my employees were having issues outside of work that was impacting work. Right. So I was like, Okay, so there’s something there for me. Right. There’s something there for me. Let me try that. And I think the hesitation was the work that was required to do that, when I’m already comfortable.
Dr. Connie Omari
Absolutely, yeah. So what do you do? What? How do you how do you do that? Like when you’re making it, you know, because sometimes I do what you want to look at these attorneys. I’m like, so you have this prestigious job, you got all this money? And you know, you, like you have that image? How do you find that courage to decide to choose your impact?
Shana Trimble, LMFT
And say that, I think it becomes more of a challenge for yourself. Right. So when it changes to say, you know, what I have this is burning a hole in my spirit every time and now I it’s impacting how I see this current job, it’s impacting what I’m doing is it’s impacting my desire, right? But I will go back, everybody doesn’t get it. Right, everybody doesn’t have it. So it’s the idea to be able to encourage yourself for one, because on your journey, not everybody will go right people will be like, are you crazy? You know, or are you crazy, and thinking that you should change your life and go do these things that is different, that would maybe not give you the same results, right. But it’s about a personal passion, it’s about a personal challenge. And it has to be personal, because you will end up motivating yourself to do it. You can only rely on yourself to get it done. So it’s really how, I guess how can you do that for yourself? Can you do that for yourself? And that’s something that we have to learn, right? Because a lot of times, we do things, for others for society, for and we get that outside motivation. But it’s learning how to have an internal motivation that pushes you past fears, doubts, all of those things that get in our head to say, No, you know, you’re good. You don’t have to do this.
Dr. Connie Omari
What do we do? Shayna, when we realize that our impact is different from the norm. And if you really are in touch with your impact, it will be different from the norm. Because it’s unique to you. And no, we’ve not seen it done before. We’ve not seen it. You know, we don’t there’s no template for this, because My impact is different from your impact, which is different from the next person’s and, and unfortunately, in the process, we also make mistakes, or us. So how do we get it?
Shana Trimble, LMFT
There’s so much to that. There’s such a broad perspective, right? As we think about humans and who we are, when we think about how we get it and how we do it. I think when you talk about mistakes that resonates with me well, because I think that we can’t leave out the idea that we’re human. And I always say again, I go back to that being open to learning because there is a facet of information that you need in order to be successful. And being able to be okay, what’s happening to information, removing the idea that I’m gonna know it all, and I don’t, I don’t need any help from anybody from any place, right? Being able to know that mistakes will be made. And I’m resilient enough to recover from those. I expect those, I’m looking forward to them. I think allows us to push through, to get it to change it to update it to make it great to make it hours. And knowing the idea that you don’t have to do it exactly like somebody else did. That it’s okay to be different. It’s okay. It’s okay to be different. And often when we’re trying to do things that other people are doing, that come becomes a plane, like, do I be different? Like they’re doing it this way? And they’re, they’re doing good. So should I mimic that in order to be successful? Or make an impact? No,
Dr. Connie Omari
because that’s their journey. And you see their final chapter but you didn’t see chapters one and two. Know what they had to do to be able to get
Shana Trimble, LMFT
there. Yeah, I say that all the time. I make a joke about it to my kids as we talk about social media right and the impact that it has on our society. on how we see the end results to a lot of things where we don’t see the beginning or the middle, like, you know, we see, you know, we don’t see where artists are selling CDs out the trunk of a car, right?
Dr. Connie Omari
We’re not celebrities and like, nearly every time you, you know, you hear an interview with somebody like, No, I went through all this.
Shana Trimble, LMFT
You know, I’ve been in this music industry for 10 years before, you know, you heard that first song hit the radio. So it’s things of that nature, that I think that we need to be more prepared about the reality of things, and how we can make it our own.
Dr. Connie Omari
What happens so when we’re, when we’re in our impact, when we’re when we’re driven to lever impact, we’re going to make mistakes, it is so tempting, and it’s going to be something that is going to make you want to stop. It ain’t gonna be no little something where you can just you know what happened, but it’s gonna be something that’s gonna make you say, I’m done, I’m done. So first, let’s acknowledge that and second, give our listeners what they need to know, to be able to get through it.
Shana Trimble, LMFT
I think for the most part is having your own vision. To understand what your end goal, why are you doing this? What’s your purpose, because you have to rely on that when you are going through all of the pitfalls, that it comes with making things happen. You have to have something to reflect on as to the reason why you’re here in the first place. And I think being able to revert back to that, which is that feel good moment. That reason why I got motivated. The reason why I decided to be here. I think that helps us do that. Yeah. Now, is it quick, quick revert? Not always, sometimes I need two A’s in it.
Dr. Connie Omari
Yeah, yeah.
Shana Trimble, LMFT
But I think tapping back into the purpose, the reason what motivates you what started it? I think that that helps that reflection.
Dr. Connie Omari
Amazing. Amazing. Awesome. Awesome. All right, Shana, we’re at a point in the show that I’d like to call what’s good. And what’s good. It’s just a place where I give a hypothetical situation, okay, in this hypothetical situation, I just, you know, throw scenario out there and then ask you for your political feedback.
Shana Trimble, LMFT
Okay.
Dr. Connie Omari
Okay, so meet Johnny. Johnny is the third child of four. And all of the siblings Johnny is a girl and Johnny’s siblings. Older siblings are a girl in that she has a younger brother. Okay, the younger brother kind of dances to his own tune. But the girls are a little bit more structured, goal oriented and accomplished. And there’s, there’s a little bit of unnecessary competition with Johnny being the younger one has had an opportunity to see the older to make relatively huge mistakes. But Gianni has always looked at as immature or the baby or the one who doesn’t know as much, but in her heart, she’s actually probably the most emotionally mature and the most aware of her purpose. She fears that by speaking of being more assertive, she will bend and step on the toes of her older sisters. What would you recommend Johnny do?
Shana Trimble, LMFT
First of all, we think about fear, right? With me, me as any of our practice things, we’re going to understand two things, we’re going to understand how persisters get communicate. How do they receive information? Right? Because that’s big. Right? When we talk about a fear of telling someone something, we always want to communicate in a way that we’re hurt not hurt.
Dr. Connie Omari
Hmm, that part. I love that I’m gonna repeat that we want to communicate in a way that we are heard does not hurt to.
Shana Trimble, LMFT
Okay. And so what that does is kind of learning that, okay, I can speak up in a way that my sisters understand. And I get my point across without them necessarily knocking down, right. But that is a learning curve often. And so it comes with practicing how to first formulate your thoughts into words when you’ve been dealing with fear so long. And that’s something that obviously you do in therapy right? So we’re gonna practice, whether you practice it writing it down, whether you practice it and speaking, being able to pass the fear that you are initially comfortable with hearing yourself, have a platform, and then adjusting that platform and how I communicate with my siblings to understand that you know what, this, this is me, right? I have my own place outside of you guys. And with that I can communicate ideas with you guys, so they can understand I can communicate my purpose, I can communicate my plan and what I see. And I can be heard and respected from it without any comeback, because I did it in a way that they understood.
Dr. Connie Omari
Absolutely, that was so useful. Thank you for that. I thought that was an amazing way to conclude this podcast. So you’ve given us so much information. I’m sure that our listeners will want to be able to find you to get more articles more. So can you tell us where we can find you? And I’ll lose this information in our show notes.
Shana Trimble, LMFT
Yeah, so of course, so if you go to WWE, that imperfect balance.com. And when I say it’s just the letter in perfect balance.com You can pretty much get any type of access you want to meet. So whether that’s by phone by email, or do like social media, things like that, and private balance at Instagram in perfect balance on Facebook. And you know, very, pretty much responsive in that, regard it love it.
Dr. Connie Omari
All right. Well, thank you so much for your time today. You’ve been such a source of information. Are there any final things you want our audience to know today? Just love yourself as much as you can. Love it. I love it. We’ll do thank you so much for your time. Okay!
Shana Trimble, LMFT
Thank you.
Dr. Connie Omari
Good having to take care. Bye bye