Episode #49: The Power of Vulnerability

Dr. Connie Omari
Hi, I’m Dr. Connie Omari, Chief Executive Officer and founder of Tech Talk therapy, where we provide Person Centered counseling through the use of technology.

Today I’m here to talk to you about the power of vulnerability. Why do I want to talk to you about vulnerability? I believe in ESPN as my experience as a psychotherapist, and also a person who interacts within relationships, that one of the biggest barriers to connecting with other people is that a lot of times we don’t feel comfortable being vulnerable.

And I know specifically for women. And I will go as far as to say, women from adverse backgrounds, specifically, in this case, I’m referring to African American backgrounds, we have a tendency to be a little bit uncomfortable with being vulnerable, just because of some of the experiences that we’ve that we’ve had. That makes it hard for us to develop long lasting and meaningful relationships with other people. But if we take a moment to just look at these few tips, we can find strength in being vulnerable, which the truth is, we all are potentially vulnerable from time to time. And we’ll find strength in that and we’ll learn that it’s something that is not to be afraid of.

So before we begin, let’s talk about what vulnerability actually is. So vulnerability is The quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally. Now, a lot of people don’t want to put themselves in a position to be vulnerable, because they don’t want to be harmed physically or emotionally. For that reason, being being vulnerable is an unsafe place for them.

However, what you don’t realize is if you don’t put yourself in the position for those types of things to happen, that you don’t get an opportunity to receive from the other person, an opportunity for them not to treat you that way.

So being vulnerable is not the absence of being in situations where such things like that will happen. But instead is putting yourself in a situation where things like that could happen in developing a sense of closeness a connection to a person because they choose not to. When I think about this example, I think about something like a fist.

So if you look at my fist, you can see that it’s closed, extremely tight. So in return, it means that I can’t really, there’s not a lot of wiggle room to get anything in or out. So by me not letting anything come in, like love, human interaction, connection relationship, I also can’t allow anything to go out, because I’m holding it so tight. So being vulnerable is about opening that fist and putting yourself in a situation to where things can happen, that are less than ideal, and trusting and hoping that the other person won’t hurt you and won’t make those things that you don’t want to happen to come true.

So why is being vulnerable, a good one, it can build intimacy in relationships. Intimacy is so important because it allows you to connect to another person, it keeps us from living in an isolated shell by ourselves. So being intimate is not something that we should fear and right intimacy. I’m not talking about exclusively sexual intimacy, although that is part of it as well. But emotional intimacy, psychological intimacy is so incredibly important in our relationships.

And the only way we can get there is if we do actively participate in being vulnerable and allowing other people to hurt us. And trusting again, that they will also increase self worth, what better way to connect with another person, then being able to feel confident in your old self, or being vulnerable with another person will give you the opportunity to feel confident in yourself, it raises your value. If you’re only around relationships that are safe, or you know that no one’s going to hurt you, and you’re just playing it by ear, then you’re going to constantly be in a situation where you’re not at your maximum potential.

And when you know that you’re not your maximum potential, guess what other people know it as well. So you want to make sure that you are putting yourself in a situation where your self worth can be stretched, and can be maximized by being vulnerable, because it says a lot about yourself and increases all the other relationships that you will be getting. It provokes compassion.

All right, compassion is incredibly important as well because it lets you know that not only will you be vulnerable, but it teaches you how to be vulnerable for other people. And when you’re able to have a relationship that has a reciprocal amount of vulnerability within it, the quality of the really Ship increases substantially. And you’re not really holding back you, you’re transparent enough to where you can see each other for who each other really is. And that increases relationships and connection.

And finally, it calls for accountability, because you know what it’s like to be exposed. And so it helps you to be a bit in a better position to allow other people to be vulnerable and exposed towards you. So these are just a few tips and a few reasons why being vulnerable is such a great quality to have. And being vulnerable where easy, a lot more people would be able to do it.