Episode #51: Are you the Family Scapegoat?

Dr. Connie Omari
Hi, I’m Dr. Connie Omari clinician and owner of Tech Talk therapy, where we provide Person Centered counseling through the use of technology.

My specialty is working with women, children and families affected by trauma, depression and anxiety. Today’s topic is very interesting and dear to my heart, because I find myself being categorized in this group. And that group is called the Family scapegoat.

So today, we’re going to talk about what a scapegoat is, and then try to come up with some strategies or some ideas rather for how you can determine whether or not you that you’re the scapegoat. And my goal is that by the end of this video, you will be able to determine Yes, you are no you’re not are you give determined that about yourself or someone that you care about, and of course, provide you with a resource for the ways that you can make sense of it.

Okay, so let’s talk about the family scapegoat. And I’m going to talk to you by using an example from the Bible. Yay, one of my favorite topics. And, you know, let me just start with this disclaimer, for those of you that are already clients of mine or considering being a client of mine. I do occasionally incorporate Judeo Christian values, in my work with clients whether or not they’re Christian or not, that you don’t necessarily have to be a Christian, to benefit for some of the principles.

And I’d like for you to just give me a little bit of an opportunity to demonstrate that now. So in Leviticus spelt, I believe it I see us I think that’s correct. But I will definitely spell it correctly. In the writings, it’s Leviticus 1610. There is a story about how people in the community for no reason other than just wanting to relieve themselves of the sin themselves decided that they were going to just place their sins on a go now to you and I that makes absolutely no sense. But at that time, people even whether it made sense to them or not, I don’t know I wasn’t there. But they decided to do it because they just didn’t want to deal with their own stuff. And that’s essentially where the name scapegoat came from.

So some of you are probably using the word and didn’t even know it came from actually the Bible. But that’s what a scapegoat was, people just didn’t want to deal with their own sins, they didn’t want to be responsible for it and be bound to hellfire. So they took this innocent girl that obviously did not have the capacity to understand human behavior, or relationships, or any of the stuff that these people were doing. But they just cast it their sin onto them. And in their eyes, they were forgiven under the eyes of God, because this, this goat now how to carry on their sin. Makes no sense. But that’s what they did. So why is that important now, right? Because I want you to take a moment to think about your life or the life of someone that you might care about that you think could be the family scapegoat. Are they potentially people that just are are taking on stuff that’s not necessarily theirs? Like, are they consistently being blamed for things? Whether it makes sense or not? And take a moment to just go over this list with me and let’s see kind of where this person fits in.

So number one, are things blamed on you. And I’m not talking about whether or not you stayed out late and you legitimately did or whether or not you know, you stole something he legitimately did, I’m just talking about, in general, like, are you considered this thought person that is maybe selfish, because really what you want to do is empower yourself, but other people are threatened by that. So therefore, rather than seeing the strength in you by being strong and courageous and willing to empower yourself, they’ll call you selfish or maybe ungrateful. That might be a sign that you’re escaped goat.

Are you one of the number two? Are you one of the stronger members of your family? When I think about this goat example, they couldn’t take a weak goat carry on the burdens the sins of other people, they had to take a strong goat that actually could carry it on. So the scapegoat might appear weak because the scape Go is getting blamed on this cake go scapegoat is getting attacked, the scapegoat is getting judged harshly. But that’s because they have the ability really to carry on the things in the family that nobody wants to deal with. People don’t want to deal with their own stuff. So they put it on the scapegoat, because it’s easier to blame them than to have to address their old stuff. Do your family members lack emotional intelligence, and if you haven’t had an opportunity to do so please go to my website, www.techtalktherapy.com I do an entire video about emotional intelligence.

Does your family lack that? Do they have the ability to connect with you on an empathic level? On a level that thinks outside of the box on the on the spearheading thing? Or do they actually lack that and, and if you have that, are they threatened by it, and therefore it’s easier to blame you and judge you and put things down on you. Because again, you don’t want to remind them that you came from the same community as them, yet you’re doing all these awesome things that they’re not quite able to do.

Number four, does your family thrive off of the ability to have dominance and power over people? Are you for whatever reason, maybe poorer than someone else in your family, or maybe not considered as attractive, or maybe not as intellectually smart, but you have all these gifts and talents that people are afraid of ever threatened by. And this is really important, this is the last one.

Number five, is there something just really, really special about you. Just something that people know is unique, that you know, is unique, that you know, is inspirational and powerful and divine, and is really going to take you to the next step.

And if you just get able to access that potential, you’re going to soar. And your family secretly knows that too. And they’re trying to do everything they can to keep you from getting there not because they hate you, or despise you, but they’re afraid of you. They don’t know what to do with you. And again, it reminds them of what they don’t have and what they can’t do.

So it’s easier to try to put you down and it’s easier to find something wrong with you and judge you and blame you then actually say, Wow, we came from the same family, the same neighborhood the same place and look what you’re doing and I’m not. Well, if that’s you or someone that you care about, the chances are very high that the the presence of being a scapegoat is there. It’s not fun. It’s not easy. And it can be confusing sometimes to the person that’s being blamed with things. It’s hard to believe in take on and accept that the people that you love and care about can be the very people that are hurting you and harming you and preventing you from being your best self. But fortunately, I’m trained in that and I’m here to help people who are victims of scapegoats.