Dr. Connie Omari
Hello, hello hello and welcome to the black marriage of family therapy matters podcast, where we are breaking generational curses in the black community. Today’s guest is Dr. Candace. I got to cupola.
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
Hi, how are you doing, doctor? Oh,
Dr. Connie Omari
I am good. I am good. We are honored to have
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
you here today. Yeah, that’s right, and I’m so honored to be here. I really appreciate you considering me for this. I’m excited. Of
Dr. Connie Omari
course. Can I take a moment to introduce our audience to you? Sure. Ray. Dr. Koop Love is a white mother and native of Buffalo, New York. Dr. Koop Love is a licensed marriage and family therapist and a SECT-certified sex therapist who has a post-traumatic growth perspective from a transpersonal psychology perspective. She is also a consultant, writer, and MFT clinical fellow and approved supervisor. Dr. Coulla has over 15 years of experience working with individuals, couples, and families. She is the owner and CEO of a new creation, psychotherapy services LLC, a holistic group practice in Fayetteville, Georgia, as well as tantric MFT LLC, which is a tantric spiritual healing practice. Additionally, she is a mental health and empowerment speaker and has been speaking for over 15 years at national conferences, panels, workshops, radio, podcasts, and television. Wow. And we are honored to have her speak with us today.
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
Yes, thank you so much. I really appreciate it. As I said, I’m excited about today. And you know, the topic at hand is very passionate about the work that we do as clinicians as well as for our community.
Dr. Connie Omari
Very good. Well, first of all, on behalf of the community, I’d like to really thank you because you’re getting out there and making some big moves.
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
Yes, thank you. I appreciate that. For sure. You know, I had to put myself out there, but it was worth it to know that, you know, to be a pillar or one of the pillars for our community because afternoon is easy. I like
Dr. Connie Omari
a lot. Yeah, lots of it. Lots of that today. So thank you. Yes, definitely. Before we get started, I don’t know if I’ve ever asked any of the therapists this before, but I’m just curious. You know, we are trying typically to do therapy and to be in a therapy room to just do this counseling, which is great and awesome. There are so many other ways to connect to our communities. Tell me how you just got into extending your practice outside of your work.
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
Absolutely, yeah. So I felt it was important to not only address, you know, our issues as a community, because even on my websites that were dedicated to the liberation of, you know, black people across the diaspora, you know, and so I definitely, you know, not to say it turns away anyone who isn’t from my community, but just seeing what we stand for as a practice as a group practice. And so, you know, I found it to be very beneficial. You know, I got the reading done some years ago by a priestess, and as she told me, I was operating as my true self as a healer. So I’m like, Well, I’m a therapist; I don’t know how much more healing than that I could go on a solo search within myself to figure out what the missing piece is.” And so that’s where I started, you know, finding things or messages that kept coming to me that made me want to look more into tantric practices. You know, when I think about contracts and energy healing, particularly contracts, I just think about sex and how you’d have sexual hours with a partner. I didn’t know anything about the healing component of that or the energy work behind it. Okay.
Dr. Connie Omari
Okay. So, we were talking about transpersonal psychology; that’s what we’re going to go into, but you just said yes; else that really got, I’m sure, my attention, and anybody else would you say having sex for hours and that’s the tantric practice. That’s what
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
how people will look at it at face value. So the transpersonal element comes in because, you know, transpersonal psychology is, you know, healing the mind and body, and the spirit is more or less looking at human beings highest potential with the recognition, understanding, and realization of intuitive spiritual and transcendent states of consciousness. So toxic killing practices do that. And so it has a lot to do with things like shadow work and inner child work, where you’re really facing some of the things that you’ve been carrying in your life. So it brings those things to the forefront. So the whole concept of tantric healing practice for a practitioner is to release pain through questions. But at first, it is not fun. Because people have blockages, they have trouble. People have pain that inhibits them from experiencing Pleasure.
Dr. Connie Omari
Pleasure—we’re talking about sexual pleasure.
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
Yeah, so it’s like Kundalini, and Kundalini is sexual energy. But that’s one of the many energies that we utilize. Though it sounds complicated,
Dr. Connie Omari
It sounds complicated, but
interesting. I mean,
not as energy. Yeah, you know? So yeah, you’re saying I don’t want to get too far off of that. You know, people understand, so how does our body store sexual energy? What is?
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
Well, it’s more or less like our body stores pain and trauma, right? So you think about that book. Dapple is by, but it keeps score. Yes. So it’s kind of like a somatic therapy if you want to look at it from a more traditional lens, some more somatic somatic, so it’s kind of like a form of bodywork but with little to no touch. So basically, there’s a bar, right?
Dr. Connie Omari
You know about
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
exactly the same, except we’re utilizing a different energy. And you know, like I said, the Kundalini energy is a sexual energy. So it does bring about pleasure, but in bringing about the pleasure, you’re releasing the pain. And so it’s like, sometimes, pulling pain out and pushing pressure.
Dr. Connie Omari
Oh, I love this. Okay.
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
Yes, yes.
Dr. Connie Omari
Excuse me, if I’m just ignorant, are your orgasms not that
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
tight. They can get to that point. High-level orgasm is caused by touching orgasm, so with that, the point is to have a lifestyle of bliss. If so, what happens at the table? Because it’s in your life? Okay, so if I can reach my love for orgasm in my life, The thing is, think about high-level orgasm. It’s not just an experience. It’s the state of high-level orgasm when I experience that things taste better, like they look better. Beautiful.
Dr. Connie Omari
You realize you ain’t lying, okay? Okay, so yeah, it’s more of a state of being.
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
versus a state of mind, a state of happiness So it’s a lifestyle of bliss. So the table work is just table work. But what’s supposed to happen is that it’s supposed to translate into your everyday life. Are you teaching?
Dr. Connie Omari
your clients to do this for themselves? Or is it something that you’re doing first?
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
Yeah, the lifestyle is bliss; I am teaching them that because it’s a concept. It’s a conceptual thing. You know, it’s a philosophical thing. So with the table work now, not all of my clients do it, but I do have some clients who are also doing it. So you know, an integration of both helps so much because it uncovers so much. So there will be times, like I said, when people don’t look at it from a sexual perspective. And that is really a slice of pie. A huge part of it is about
Dr. Connie Omari
Saying that word, you just take it out, like, Just say no, and we’ll talk about the sex. We’ll talk about it.
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
That’s why, like, Oh, I feel good. I feel so good. Sometimes I’ve had people boohoo crying, like, uncontrollably, uncontrollably, I’m sorry. Because you know, especially with my male clients, they will boohoo cry, like, you know, they go back to that little boy, like it says a lot of inner child work. So it was like, then at that point, I’m led to be that mother for me, given that nurture and given that true love, you know, so it’s about love because I always say torture begins with that. So I do a lot of hard work, you know what I mean, but in the heart we carry our inner child, we carry our sorrows, and you carry our pain and have already killed it. So now doing this work makes me more empathic; I was already impacted. Well, I can literally feel what’s going on in people’s hearts. And it’s heartbreaking. So I’m crying because what they’re carrying is what I’m releasing for them so that they feel lighter. So I’ll use two different systems. So I use his or her integration system and the Todra system. So you know, it’s very much a spiritual
Dr. Connie Omari
Well, I just want to thank you because people are people and our community in general is hard to talk about. But it’s so hard for us. And I just want to thank you for finding a way to reach us because, from what I’m hearing, some of this healing can take place without even really having a talk.
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
No talking at all. Yeah, just lay it on the table or ask him to do it from this system or this person to ask for it. I was able to do a session.
Dr. Connie Omari
I asked you if you could do it online.
Speaker 3
Oh, yeah. Oh, energy is, you know, energy. So it can go anywhere.
Dr. Connie Omari
Absolutely. Oh my gosh. So for anyone listening, we’re going to make sure we get your contact information or
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
for sure. This is definitely true, but it has to uncover a lot of things.
Dr. Connie Omari
What I really like about the way you describe this, and I think this might have been before I hit the core button, is that I want to revisit it. Is that what you are practicing in more indigenous ways? Yes.
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
Yes, definitely, definitely. So the form of tantra that I studied was shamanistic in nature. So shamans are people who are shamans in indigenous cultures all over the world, but they also incorporate the spiritual. So you have certain energies and certain things that assist in the healing of the person that you’re working with. So I call on any of the energy lighters in the Netherlands who are healers who were, you know, shamans who were warriors who are willing healers. You know, I do a lot of space healing for women, especially because we all not only face trauma in our lives but also care to reach space travel. So if I tell myself, I heal the women who came before me, and I heal the women who will come back. Definitely,
Dr. Connie Omari
principle that I think is so important today. Look, I tell my daughter all the time, Your mommy’s not a baby. But you actually started in GT, which is your grandmother, because you don’t want a girl to be born yet. So whatever my model was through eight years of learning before I was even put on this earth, it is my daughter’s carrying.
Speaker 3
Exactly. And that’s where so much happens. Yeah, yeah, definitely.
Dr. Connie Omari
If I just talk about that one generation removed, my mom was in a time of Jim Crow, going to school, you know, things like that. So, like, that was so long ago, we’re like, nope, yeah,
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
Absolutely, absolutely is real. And you can, you can fill it, like I said, energetically. And like I said, I’m tapping the spirit in that I am clairvoyant as well. So I get a lot of messages about the person before they even get a chance. So I already know what’s happening. I already know what they’ve been through, you know, just by being able to work with them to see what’s going on. And so that opens the door on the therapy side, because we’ve gotten to that deep level where we can now process these things.
Dr. Connie Omari
Okay, transpersonal psychology is the actual theme. Right? Yeah, yeah. How did you?
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
Yeah, so that kind of came as a result of all the learnings and teachings about energy work. And, you know, one of my dear friends who was also one of my colleagues in the tantric practitioner world has shared that he was like, You know, what do you do in the transpersonal? Psychology, right? So I’m like, So he’s like, you already incorporate spirituality because I always talk about spirituality with my clients. I talked about just different things that they can do with regard to how to increase their spiritual walk, which is what they did, because I believe in ancestors; some people don’t, and you know, it’s in the Bible, but I won’t, I will, I will not digress. But what I recognized was something that I was already doing, but I just didn’t really have a name for until I started studying transpersonal psychology, where you put in, like I said before, integration of spirit, and not because, like you said, there are Facebook papers and therapists out there, but they are coming from a Christian lens. I don’t come from a Christian family; does that come from their spiritual lens, where oftentimes we look outside of ourselves? I forgot, again, that God is out there. But what about the goddess? We don’t develop the goddess in ourselves. Because we’re so focused on the one off here, we look out here, and they get our pants, as they are supposed to answer our own prayers, because we can do that. Yes, we can. You know what I’m saying? So when I started learning and studying that more and more, especially with the inner child work into shadow work, that’s transpersonal psychology. Carl Jung went over to Africa and came back with these ideas.
Dr. Connie Omari
Yup.
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
Yes
Dr. Connie Omari
I did. Yes. Because even when you said it earlier, I was something just got off because I was getting all this credit for all because they’ve done a lot of harm at the same time, you know, for our community. And I didn’t know this.
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
yesterday. Yep. Yep.
Dr. Connie Omari
Know that our principles came over here.
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
Psychology. Exactly. Exactly. Even when this whole thing was the medicine for zation and breathwork. Is this it? I forgot. I’m not going this far. But white men studied in Africa. Now he had this huge business on breathwork that was very similar to the work I do on energy work, and that Africa,
Dr. Connie Omari
just the perspective I hold as well because, you know, my husband’s African. And so I’m constantly faced with more of the cultural and artistic in whatever way of life, and part of my struggle has been, you know, being in America and seeing how we’ve been more westernized and more colonized, basically, but I just want to thank you because I feel like, you know, with the transatlantic slave trade and innovation in general, it’s taking that. But yet, and still, I see here, you and these famous philosophers and psychologists that you referred to starting air to bring here to West Western,
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
westernized. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. And that’s why I learned that, you know, and I’m one of my friends, because he’s very much, I’ll say, in the psychology field where he doesn’t want to deal with it. But he was like, you know, for a headset himself, I’m simply assuming, Oh, I’ve never seen that cool. Well, okay. You know what I mean; it’s all there, but they took some of those concepts and kind of twisted them around. And so my goal was to bring that back—the stuff that we did lose—and I know that’s impossible. You can’t know. But I can allow and lead on Spirit to guide me and to some of those indigenous principles, those things that kept our ancestors going during difficult times, you know, and so as we integrate, and so I’ve talked to people about, you know, it’s very orthodox, some of it like, you know, since my best friend, for Jay’s transition, she was a Master Herbalist, right, and so now I’ve gotten all herbs. So now, when I find that my girl needs some herbs, So I’ll make some herbs and pouches for some of my clients, you know what I mean? We talk about different things that they can do in regards to healing, like, Okay, you need to sleep with a tourmaline. And it’s a million next to base, and you just have to have it. So it’s very integrated. works. And that’s what’s very efficient. Yeah, absolutely. So it’s therapy, but it’s just a different kind of therapy with a little twist.
Dr. Connie Omari
it. So I want people to know that this stuff is out there, because I still think that we only work with crazy people. And if you do come to us, you’re going to have to sit down, lay down on the couch, and cover yourself with all these dramatic things that, you know, are different. People can access therapeutic services and, you know, much more. We could reach the black community if we let them.
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
Respond. Yeah, definitely. And if we could keep an open mind, and I say, I understand that my views are very orthodox, which is not a Christian view, But I do believe in God very much. So. perspective, you know, but the thing is, that’s not my goal to impose. My goal is to make sure that your life is optimized in the best way that you see fit. And even when it comes to this spirituality stuff. I did my own research, and I had an understanding for myself and for you. So that’s why I always tell people to have an understanding of themselves. Just don’t take something and run with it. Understanding why you believe what you believe Why do you practice what you practice? Why do you believe the way you do? You know, I just had a session last week on my privacy for a couple years, and she was like, Girl, don’t download the best session we ever did. I can tell you no, but it was all about her, you know, as this sense of self-flagellation, familiar term where, and most of our
Dr. Connie Omari
I’m sorry; I had to catch you on this, okay? And
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
I’m sure it’s like, We beat ourselves. So like, I think I’ll just remember growing up Christian, which I did, you know, this sense of beating myself up, like, I’m not worthy of God’s love, I’m not worthy of God’s compassion. I’m a sinner; I’m less than, and in doing that, I lack compassion for myself. And that’s why a lot of people are self-centered with each other and with themselves. Now, a lot of people say, Maybe, but if I think it’s still me, I’m a sinner. I’m not worthy of God’s love for His grace. But wow, wow, that made us in there, me. So those are the things, you know, and even with purity, culture, women, and sexuality, because that’s what my female sexuality is, and I have some clients of mine who are virgins, this whole sense of purity, and this is that, but it’s like, God made us for pleasure. Not only pleasure, but we have to look at context and the Bible that was just texted to teenagers. I’m 30 years old and trying to hold on. Hello. Yeah, yeah. I’m blaming myself for experiencing pleasure for an hour and a half. So that’s a whole other thing.
Dr. Connie Omari
I’m thinking about Shimira, and while you’re talking about her, she uses your mouth. She’s a sexologist; she does really great work, but I was looking at some of her May I Shimira. If you watch this, she’s been on the show before, but she was making reference to the clitoris. and that is your sole purpose. Okay. Just do one thing: God gave it to you. Yeah. Help me understand why we acted like that because that was the experience. Yeah.
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
Exactly. Exactly. And even without pleasure, you know, they look at this as, Oh, yeah. You know, I wash up, and when I go to the bathroom, know, baby a great experience. And I was so proud of my clients births. And she was like that. I had the best self-pleasure session. I said, You’re proud of you. Because this is this is that, you know, so it’s really not said too much in the spirit that you know that to me, and not to digress into sex and things like that, but sexuality is spiritual. I bring in the divine where I am, and I take her energy exchange.
Dr. Connie Omari
I think it’s important, but I don’t mind sharing that because, you know, I’m a Christian. Who enjoys having sex? You know what I mean? And I think that we have taken a lot of, you know, what? I will explain what’s going on with me. I’m embarrassed, having admitted that, knowing that I shouldn’t, you know what I mean, because the whole book of Solomon is all about sex and pleasure. And there’s actually something I’m not going to go through now, but the Bible makes some references to being fruitful and multiplying, or just being the wife of your youth, and things like that. And so we’re made to feel guilty. And an investment is very, very natural. And, you know, I respect your position on, you know, from my perspective, I think one reason people are turned off from Christianity is because things like sex are like taboo, normal.
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
People, I would rather just say, to get Christianity and
Dr. Connie Omari
Christian faith, you know, as opposed to risky, you know, being offended or whatever, which, of course, is just a farce, a very interesting dynamic. Let’s just put it
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
Oh, yeah, for sure. For sure. And I like to fall. Her name is Armpit; she’s called Armpit. Okay, she has a perspective because she’s pitched him, but she holds by her perspective, which is just, I can
Dr. Connie Omari
Already, we’re probably in the same place. Yeah.
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
She’s on Instagram, Danielle. I forgot her last name. But yeah,
Dr. Connie Omari
she is.
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
You know what? I don’t think she’s just like a pastor yet, but she’s an advocate for the LGBTQ community, so she looks at it from her whole perspective. And then she integrates African spirituality with Christian
Dr. Connie Omari
I love it. I love it. Yeah, definitely. With all types of sinners, you don’t, I mean, and it’s like, we up here, oh, don’t get me started. Don’t get me. Christian marriages that I saw growing up, baby, if that’s what you want. So
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
That’s the thing. And that’s why I’ve recognized that, even in this spiritual journey, I’ve learned more about Jesus than I ever have in my whole life. And his walk and why he was here, and even in reading, you know, certain things. It’s kind of like, you know, because I did the eulogy for her another day. And the first witness to that was that Jesus Himself said, You could do a bit of work at night. So he was here to show us what we can do to meet the miracle; we can follow those things because he showed us that you could do better than the walking on the blog, you know, I’m saying.
Dr. Connie Omari
Yes, thank you, because I totally see what you’re saying. I hadn’t thought of your perspective before. But I received that
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
and I appreciate it absolutely. Absolutely. I mean, I believe that’s why he came down incarnated to show us because it’s a lot like you said, and it’s not, I can’t say that religion. I’m going to tell the people that if we’re really Christians, even though he started the whole thing about Christianity anyway, we should move like that should be out here. The answer appears to be out here: create Americans who are capable. Yes. So it’s just, yeah. And that’s the thing I tell my clients, like, We have a God-given right. We are little guys. That’s also the Bible, and we are Gods. But we have the power to create what we want. And also because it makes us feel like, once again, we’re small, we’re not capable, and we can’t perform miracles. We can’t do these things. But we have God.
Dr. Connie Omari
absolutely capable.
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
So, you know, that’s the thing I tell my clients about. Like I said, it’s not about preaching. It’s not about imposition, because the majority of my clients are Christians, but they look at me. Just kind of like being in the physical world versus the ocean. I take them out of that.
Dr. Connie Omari
Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. So it’s a different type of conversation. You make people feel so safe. Dr. Cooper. Oh, I love that you These are conversations. That’s the time that I think people are just very, you know, hard to talk to.
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
And not wanting to feel judged or, and that’s the thing I pride myself on, trading in a judgment-free, safe space, even when people, especially with spirituality, especially with sexuality, and all those types of issues that people come in with, to make it a safe space, to talk about the things that are uncomfortable to make them comfortable. You know, and it’s not easy.
Dr. Connie Omari
No, it’s not. And then bless your heart, because when I hear you say that in order for you to help them, you’re taking your own, so I just have your own. Okay.
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
I have a very extensive virtual lab every morning to protect myself. Yeah, for sure. It’s about a five-minute process. Yeah, every morning, I have to do like five or six.
Dr. Connie Omari
Because I think people think I’m here, we’ll have time for self-care. I just heard you say, Five minutes. You know, same thing for me. It’s not like this long-drawn-out, you know, whatever. What is something that prepares me for my day? Yeah, yeah. Yeah,
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
definitely, definitely. And it was something that I wanted to get from She was my best friend’s teacher; her Reiki was comedic, and he was different if he were Gyptian and Florence. So they pull a spirit versus traditional Reiki. But she said to me, You’re not protecting yourself enough. It seems like, as you know, your people are working hard to keep this stuff away. So you’ve got to do ABCDE. So I’ve been doing it every day, every time I have a client, because yeah, that energy is real. It’s neither created nor destroyed. So all it does is transfer. So what was happening was that, at the time, I didn’t understand what I do now; I will start having dreams. Like I had a dream that I was a white woman and my husband’s genome, I said, This ain’t my dream. First of all, it was just kind of like I was taking on some of that energy and those emotions from them and not protecting myself, energetically protecting my aura, protecting my spirit, in a way so that, you know, we don’t see a lot of stuff. But the stuff I’ve seen and experienced is already no joke. So, as the Bible says, we all battle against flesh and blood. And we do not have real power here. So we have to make sure that’s really
Dr. Connie Omari
How did you get into this type of
Unknown Speaker
energy work for the transplant? Oh, yeah,
Dr. Connie Omari
I guess. The one? Yeah. How did you get into this? You started as a therapist that was trained one way, which is, you know, leaving the therapy office.
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
or work? Yeah, you should definitely, definitely. So, you know, like I said, it’s been a couple of years now. But I kept getting pointed in the same direction: I’m not operating in your direction as a healer. And so, you know, even in my dream, I did, you know, a lot of hypnotherapy like past life regression. So I did it all myself. And then what I kept seeing was this person just touching people, healing them, and hugging them. So, my, I still don’t know what this is. So, you know, I encountered someone else. And she was asking me about what I did for liberty. I was like, Going back to school, and I said, No doctrine. I don’t intend on doing that, you know, but, you know, I told her, I was like therapists, and she was like,
Oh, she was like, You need to look into
tantric practices, healing practices That might be because it was a third time over. So that you know what to do, let me look into this some more. And then it was a friend who knew a friend who knew my now-teacher, Mastery. So he sent me to see if I knew anything positive. I said, Sir, I don’t know anything.” I will just lay here because this is what they told me. But the crazy thing about it is that, because I’m so technical, I’m analytical. I picked up on it. I was so focused on technique, but once I got that, it just came so naturally. You know, I’m in one of my classmates, and she said, Girl, you just remember and remember what she was always meant to.
Dr. Connie Omari
Oh, yes. Yes, yeah. Yeah,
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
Yeah, definitely. Yes, you do. Yeah, definitely. Definitely. So that’s where I began to now, if I had to figure out how to rebrand it and integrate this into the mental, because, you know, if my teacher knew, You know, this marries perfectly together, he said, because it was work. People get exposed; your issues come to the forefront if you’ve got mother issues, father issues, sexual abuse, trauma, anything that’s you carrying comes out during those sessions, the energy sector, so then it gives the opportunity to process, so that’s kind of the journey. What
Dr. Connie Omari
is one thing that you wish just black families knew about transpersonal psychology.
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
to not exclude the spirit, that is, the mind. Well, we already exclude the mind as a community; we just look at the body. Yes. So let’s as much as we are, I’m going to say, religious, we lost our way spiritually, because there are a lot of religious people who do not know that. And that’s so, you know, you can know the Bible in and out, but do you have a relationship? Have you experienced that, like, literally experienced that for yourself? I literally can’t even describe the feelings in this.
Dr. Connie Omari
video is. And it’s also a little bit. I mean, I know God knows what He’s doing in terms of showing up.
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
at times. But before
Dr. Connie Omari
I’ll never forget, well, I’ve had several experiences with God where to have a relationship, it’s just like, it’s nothing like, typically we’re in the lowest, most vulnerable, most uncomfortable spaces in our lives. And just to see how God just shows up through it, it’s, unfortunately, almost always telling us we haven’t experienced.
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
often afterwards because, you know, I am especially caring because, you know, going to church on Sunday I understand it’s a fellowship space. But that goes to determine whether or not, I mean, we don’t know, oh, the guy
Dr. Connie Omari
was going, Oh, every Sunday, I don’t know that. Never know. What you’re doing Monday through Saturday
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
Work has really started, but your life has not changed. And that’s the thing I can say about the Islamic faith. Not to say they’re perfect, but they make their faith a lifestyle as Christians, which doesn’t happen. Salah isn’t on the lifestyle. Exactly. Because even this walk that I’m on is literally a lifestyle. Like it’s things I have to do. For example, starting June 1, I’ve got to do a 15-day retreat because we have a weekend retreat with my spiritual community. I have to do it. I was lying down when they said, You need to do a 15-day fast: vegetables, all remote dairy, no meat, no sugar. No. I’m going to be obedient to the spirit. And you know, it’s not like, you know what I’m saying? And I’m not saying it’s easy, but it’s worth it.
Dr. Connie Omari
Love it. Love it. Love it. So where are we struggling the most, though, in terms of just what do you see in your practice? What is an issue that seems to be recurring that sheds light on it?
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
People feeling defeated. You know, I had this debt once again, inherited from my 20s oracle cards. And it was one thing, you know, that my husband wanted me to do, like the lead form. So more cars kept coming up. And this comes up for a lot of people. My practice is just an example of the bigger picture, where it’s a picture of a woman with nice things to hold back. What it represents is the fact that you feel defeated; all you have to do is stand up. You know, so I find that the biggest struggle for people just like you is not that you just stand up to a wall. So it’s about changing perspective. It’s about perspective, because as I shoot, I always say, You know, we got first order, second order. So first-order kind of behavior Second-order change, okay, from how I think to how I feel, which is how I behave. So I don’t want you to say, you know, people like I’m depressed, I’m anxious, I’m stressed; I want you to say I’m at peace, I’m blue, I’m full of happiness, joy, and love. It is a state of mind versus a state of being.
Dr. Connie Omari
I haven’t seen the picture you’re talking about, but this is, I think, very common: the picture of the elephant or something that’s stuck to this chair. And you know, we asked, Okay, so basically, you just imagine an elephant tied to a rope to a chair and a chair for a minute and a pound or something. But what happens is that when the bet with the elephant is made, the elephant is first tied to the chair as a baby, so he doesn’t have the strength to actually pull more than yeah, leaves that, so then you see this big time. And he’s still stuck to this chair, and he doesn’t move, and you’re like, Why not? You know?
Speaker 3
Exactly, exactly. So it’s like you like to put yourself in your own.
Dr. Connie Omari
Absolutely. Those facts that well, no. One of the things that I know, right? It was so relevant because it was so relevant. I’m sure it’ll come back to me. One, okay, what advice would you give somebody who is wanting to start transpersonal.
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
so, I always say, just like you wonder, my energy work does have an open mind and open heart. That’s all I ask. That’s all I ask for because the mind is the biggest block to what I do, but with spiritual work, the first thing that happens when most of it is done is that I get a major headache. And then I know what’s going away when they’re getting out of their heads when my heart stops. Oh, wow. So is like the head. So is this
Dr. Connie Omari
Is this something you learn? Are you that much affected by it?
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
Well, it was something that I felt like it was a gift that I had been away from for a long time. I was one of those kids that always hurt us with stuff that I did not want to see. So to this day, if I’m by myself, So, yeah, it was one of those gifts that I ran from, and now I finally figured out how to
Dr. Connie Omari
how to use it.
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
Yeah, yeah, definitely. So the empath thing makes it worse. Not such a wonderful gift
Dr. Connie Omari
to have, though. However, it appears to be very heavy.
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
Oh, yeah. It can be like, Yeah, you can experience it; I can feel people. And now, in a way that I’ve never had, like I said, I ran away from it so long because I was afraid. So, you know? Well, I can feel it, and it feels heavy. And even though sometimes I get far more, And even when I do some work on people. I’ve had to deal with people who had curses on them. And that was no joke. So you know, some people are even more sensitive to me. I have a friend. We were talking about our traumas as a group, you know, and she literally had to leave the shoes.
She grew up. She got sick. Because all the stuff made her literally sick. Oh,
Dr. Connie Omari
my goodness.
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
Yeah. Yes, definitely. But yeah, definitely people’s hands, just from an open mind and open heart. That’s all I had. So I mean, it’s simple, but I know for some people it is.
Dr. Connie Omari
right. Is there anything for someone who’s maybe wanting to try this but might be a little bit reserved? Because you’re looking for something to read or listen to that can help prepare them to
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
To do that? Yes, a good question.
Um, because one book that I found to be so helpful, like, even in the way that I help my clients, is called Osho. And he had a documentary on Netflix because he was kind of a controversial character. I was interested when I noticed that gurus in that field, especially managers, get ostracized and scrutinized, and so they get misunderstood. So the supreme understanding is a really great work of trying to understand just a different framework in regards to thinking outside of the box. Because he talks about this whole concept of nothingness. You know, even in our minds, it is impossible to have a quiet mind, but it is possible. By having a still mind that allows God to
Dr. Connie Omari
See, the quiet mind is the thoughts that you have.
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
Yeah, it’s impossible to have a quiet mind. It’s impossible because we always go home. So it’s still mine.
Still my,
Basically, the way it goes is that now we have thoughts, right? We think about what I always tell my clients and them, and this helps so much, especially with our clients anxiety, that our mind is like the blue in the sky. The clouds are thoughts. So the product you see right now is not the same class, even by five minutes. That’s our thought. So our mind is the host, and the thoughts are seeking to guess. So if I can pay attention to the space in between the thoughts, even if it’s a millisecond, that’s the space of stillness; that’s the space of peace. That’s the space where I can find that within myself. So I tell them to pay attention, like the thoughts aren’t going to be thoughts. I don’t treat the negative or the positive thoughts any differently. It’s similar to having house guests in that house, but I treat everyone the same. So I’m not giving one thought to power; my mind has the power to stop. Because the moment the thoughts take over, my mind is now where it should be. So I tell people to pay attention. I used the house analogy. Pay attention to where your house was, like, that’s the stillness in the piece that might be a millisecond. But the point is to pay attention to this. So that’s just a different framework. Love,
Dr. Connie Omari
I love, love, love your take. Absolutely. Are there any myths about transpersonal psychology that you can debunk? Or the words hearsay—is it Tantra?
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
Yeah. Yeah. It talks about transpersonal time, you know, I mean, it says just the umbrella, tantra, Reiki, all that. Well, that is not, at least not for me. The goal is not to impose. One of my mentors used to say there’s a difference between having a position and not having one, so it’s not to impose, to indoctrinate anyone, or anything like that. Always. Figure out for yourself what this is for you, regardless of your religion or spirituality. But know why you’re doing what you’re doing and have an understanding. So debunking the fact that it’s not an imposition, torture debunking the fact that it’s not just sexual You know, it’s very spiritual. And, you know, honestly, when I did this session, it was funny. So I felt like the Holy Spirit came in here because it did this. You know what I’m saying? We work with that, we work with this man. You know, what I’m saying is to debunk the fact that healing does not always allow us the butterfly analogy, you know what I mean? And literally, when butterflies are in the cocoon, things are dying. So that things come up. So I’d say life is a series of deaths and rebirths. We’re in the spring, going into the summer; this is the season of life right now. In the fall, the winter is the season of death. You’ve got to let things go, and by the time you die, that’s the stuff that’s not so
Dr. Connie Omari
amazing. Ask us to unify me. I just feel like I have my own session. Like, I’ve really been able to absorb it, and I’m not, in fact, like I don’t. But just the way that you can communicate this, the authenticity, I think that’s the best way to build that in any way that you talk about. Appreciate that. Thank you. Yeah, you’re welcome. No, thank you. Seriously, thank you. Because a lot of us run away from our kids. I ran away from the dance. I mean, I have to go. That guy wanted to use me to do this type of work. And one thing or another led me here, so I’m glad. It’s just hard. Sometimes we have to look
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
uncomfortable. Some stuff is yes, you do. Yeah. Because it’s like, What is this? You know, I
didn’t know what to do with it. You know? They tell you,
Dr. Connie Omari
Oh, girl, you’re making stuff up. And maybe today,
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
I might listen, but I know what’s real. Yeah, yeah. But being afraid of being ashamed and embarrassed You don’t want people to think like this. They’re losing their minds or something. So I’ve never really shared that. And then it was kind of like both.
Dr. Connie Omari
Like in certain indigenous cultures in Africa, they paid, you know, like they are now for therapy. But you don’t even need therapy. You just need to have me here. You need both to be here. Yeah. Oh, my witch doctors and stuff like that. Like they know,
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
and people in this fight with anything, or, you know, what any February was like, we have people who utilize it for good. And we have those who use it to eat fat? Absolutely. As you know, there are sorcerers out there, and then there are healers out there. What you do with it You know,
Dr. Connie Omari
We all have to get awesome. Okay. Well, there’s a point now called what’s good, which is basically, I just give you a hypothetical situation, and to get your impact on how right? All right, so meet Yvonne. Yvonne is a 54-year-old black woman who is married to a doctor. They have had a very fulfilling life together as husband and wife. They’ve been married for 34 years. But there’s been some infidelity. And that has important implications for their marriage and their ability to connect. Yvonne has actually never had an orgasm. And she’s also struggling with just forgiving her husband and living with this image. She’s a doctor’s wife, so she certainly doesn’t want to obstruct desks. She’s just carrying all this baggage with her. How can transpersonal psychology kind of help her work through some of this? That’s a really good case. I like that.
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
So you know, there are a couple of things and a lot of places I can pull it from. So first and foremost, that piece about this I say I went through that recovery process because there’s trust in the process. Because the process of building trust involves both parties as much as they trust each other, he has to be trustworthy to begin this process. Yeah, so that forgiveness is on her. He can be a supporter of her during that process. But she has to make the choice to forgive, not necessarily forgive or forget, because we know it’s impossible, but there’s a big difference because it’s like taking a plate thrown on the floor and putting it back together. So we’ll have cracks. It doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. It just says it’s not going to be the same, and that’s okay. Then there’s the healing process, because she didn’t cause the pain. It’s her responsibility. That’s her choice, whether or not you choose to. So that’s one piece of therapy, and then from the transpersonal lens We can look at how we can put together some of those pieces that may have gotten lost in that process, spiritually, energetically, whatever was missing, whatever she needed. In that space, I can provide that, or I can call her husband and probably do a session together with energy work to make them more connected. That’s one second piece she’s never had. Hello guys, I saw something that I want to get, and my girlfriend showed me that I have to match the mind. Absolutely. So by mastering my own pleasure, I can then possess my partner to pleasure me the way that I need to. Because I’ve mastered it for myself. So because a lot of times we blame our partners, who either don’t have orgasms, Honey, have you been giving yourself Yeah. Have you gotten in with someone you have not even met? I was surprised.
Dr. Connie Omari
when I was working with the sexual
Rape crises affect a large number of women, particularly older women.
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
Yeah. Oh, yeah, definitely. You know, like, my work without Yeah, but we don’t have to change that. So it’s just kind of like, you know, teaching her how to learn her sensual and sexual selves. Having a relationship with oneself You know, it’s something called prayer. I’m not going to say the whole word, but in P prayers, where it talks about only your pleasure, when it talks about having a relationship with your own space, your Yoni has a pleasure altar. Create a time for yourself, for pleasure to learn about you and what you like or dislike; therefore, your partner can learn about you, but I’m responsible for your own pleasure. I’m responsible for mastering my own pleasure. So I do breath work. Well, when I got gifted a breath, someone put a spell on me, like, breathe through your heart to your own space.
Dr. Connie Omari
I said, Whoa, this feels too good.
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
But I teach women that they can bring pleasure to the orgasm too. So it’s just kind of like you’ve got a physical
Dr. Connie Omari
book a session with you?
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
Oh, yeah, that will be that piece there.
For her sexual self, we got the infidelity recovery over here with that. And so, like I said, incorporating the spiritual makes sure that even they can be spiritually connected. And so you know, I love my husband because he’s been my guinea pig. And we’ve had some great experiences. Without even, you know, the physical element, it was just literally to interject. And so, you know, having them means that intimacy is on a whole other level of connection. And so doing breathwork together like this is called firebreath. Orgasm work, where you literally look face-to-face, is literally so intimate. You’ve got to sit face-to-face and look at each other. His exhale, you inhale your exhales into his inhale, and you kind of go instantaneously. And then it builds this up to the point where you literally start to kill each other energetically. Oh, so tell. So I would suggest that too. But if they’re really far apart in that way, I will suggest unfaithfulness. So you know, when it’s like that, it starts off with calls on what feels good and what does it, and we’re just touching the rock. And even then, we’re going to integrate some energetic stuff. But see, that’s a skill that you have to learn, but it’s not hard to do. Anyone who can do that will be my treatment. For that, that is so
Dr. Connie Omari
cool. Because, you know, I think you probably made it simple, right? Like, I think that, you know, we see the word transpersonal psychology, and I’m not gonna lie with you, when I first read, especially Tom’s, you know, broken it down into such bite-sized pieces. And so I think for the sake of just making it even more effective, just in terms of how I originally was going to title this transpersonal psychology remedy, some of the terms that you’ve mentioned today, I really want people to be able to take in and understand. So yeah, I want to make sure our listeners know how to get in touch with you, Dr. Cupola. Make sure you send me the links, but what sort of
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
of practices, and how can I? Sure sure. So
So the therapy practices integration, psychotherapy services, and the websites we preach in psychotherapy that Instagram is a new creation, Psy, Twitter, and Facebook have the same handle? The spiritual side is the tantric MFT. Talk to Gamma T. Instagram, Facebook, the topic, and
Dr. Connie Omari
Like I said, make sure I get those links. So for the psychotherapy, you’re serving Georgia.
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
Georgia residents: yes, yes. But we do offer life coaching, which, you know, is life coaching. Yeah, outside
Dr. Connie Omari
for your other practice, or is
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
The coaching life coaching students psychotherapy practice, get some through there, and then also something that’s outside as well. Okay. True, though, that’s anywhere. anywhere in the world. Yeah, because I’ve had clients in other countries. Yeah. So yeah.
Dr. Connie Omari
Awesome. Amazing. Well, thank you so much for your wisdom today. I feel like parent sessions are very full.
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
And I appreciate Yes, thank you for having me and allowing me the space to be able to share.
Dr. Connie Omari
Thank you for joining us. We do appreciate it. Alright, well, that concludes our interview today with Dr. It’s been a pleasure, Doctor.
Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett
Thank you for joining us. Thank you for having me. I appreciate it so much.