Dr. Connie Omari
Hello, hello, hello and welcome to the black Marriage and Family Therapy matters podcast where we are breaking toxic relationships in the black community. Today’s guest is Miss Stephanie. Hi, Stephanie. Hey, how are you? I’m good. How are you? I’m great. Good, good. Good. Well, I would love to introduce our audience to you. Is that okay? Perfect. Perfect. All right. So Steph Jones is is from Boston, Massachusetts. And she discovered the importance of self care early in life through regular family trips to the beach, you got to tell us about that.
Stephanie Jones
Early on, she discovered her gift of being a good listener, which is essential for her practice. She is a minister, therapist and mindfulness life coach whose life’s mission is to assist people back to the road of peace, wholeness and wellness. She encourages full expression of emotions, open, honest conversations, and using meditation to help others find their true selves. Outside of work, she enjoys reading, worshiping God, and watching a good movie. Yay. That’s me.
Dr. Connie Omari
Yes, so I love to learn about how things started. And you shared with us that they started with you with going to the beach. So maybe this is a little naive. I don’t know why people will go to the beach.
Stephanie Jones
Listen, oh, my gosh. I love the beach.
Dr. Connie Omari
So my family, but growing up during our time is that was that comment?
Stephanie Jones
So for us? Well, like our family? Yes. And a lot of black people that I saw. So I’m in Boston, right. And so like, I grew up going to Martha’s Vineyard all the time. Like that was just a thing. You know what I mean? It changed your perspective. You see a whole different side of black culture, right? So we would go to the inkwell, we would go to the beaches there, we will go to onset Nantasket. Those are beaches that are around. My mother and father would pack us up, we’d get tapioca we get to know turkey sandwiches, there was five of us would cram in the car. We would all go you know what I mean?
Dr. Connie Omari
So we laugh. That’s why that surprises me. So okay, so how far are you from the beach? Or growing up?
Stephanie Jones
I mean, maybe 30 minutes. 30 minutes,
Dr. Connie Omari
So, you live close to it. Okay. Yeah, we were about an hour away. My dad used to do stuff like that, too. But it was always, I don’t know, it still wasn’t a lot of us doing it. Can you swim? Oh, yes. Oh, okay, out of the water. We worry about getting your hair wet.
Stephanie Jones
But you know, not really, you know, we will just keep it in braids in the summer. That’s gonna be chartway Just keep it moving. I love the water. It’s where I find my, my rest my peace. I hear from God of the water. So that’s where I live.
Dr. Connie Omari
My dream is to take my daughter. And it’s my goal. By the end of this year snorkeling is the most amazing thing. And the interesting thing is, as you can see our classes, but when I’m underwater, I have like 2020 vision I cannot so.
Stephanie Jones
Amazing. That’s amazing. So beautiful. Yeah. Yeah.
Dr. Connie Omari
So Wow. So we have that in common. And, yeah, and so talk to us more about it. Because I know you’re into the mindfulness and the meditation and spirituality and, and God, tell me how all of that works together.
Stephanie Jones
Yeah, you know, it’s a beautiful intersectionality. And it all comes you don’t have to have things divided. It’s like that Venn diagram. It all fits into one place, right? So grew up in the church, literally born and raised in the church. And you know, when you get older, and you start to see things, and you start to even recognize patterns going on in your family that you don’t want to repeat, right, certain cycles. The only thing that I could do to help me was to meditate, right? And a lot of people, especially in the church, and this is why I got into therapy, or that kind of helping field because I recognize there was so much trauma in the church. And no one wanted to acknowledge it. Were you shoving everything under the rug. Don’t say anything, be quiet, keep this down. And it’s like, okay, that traumatized someone and then re traumatizing someone when you have to be quiet. So what I realized is that multiple times in the Bible, we are mandated to meditate. They would say you meditate a day and night. Yeah, early in the morning, late at night. think on these things whatsoever is good and true and lovely. I could quote you down. A lot of people shun it because I think at some guru on a mountain with a lot of smoke and he has billowing you know clothes on a cloak on. We miss it. We miss it when we close our mind off to the things that can really help us and we’re going to meditate. Anyway. I’ve been saying this for a long time now. Everyone meditates it You thinking on a negative thought, over and over, you’re ruminating on
Dr. Connie Omari
meditation, just kind of thoughts.
Stephanie Jones
No matter what, no matter what you’re going to meditate, you might as well direct what you’re going to meditate on. You’re gonna meditate no matter what, you have anxiety, you, your bills are piling up your child’s in jail, you’re going to be thinking about that you’re meditating. That’s what the Bible instructs us meditate on these things. He knew we were going to be meditating on something here. Let me give you something to meditate on. Let me find something, right. Let me find some positive thoughts, something that’s going to edify my soul, my spirit. So I’m just going to fill me up so I can help someone else. That’s where that all came from, in a quick short story, when I was five, and it still brings my mother’s chagrin now, but it’s fine. I was five years old. We were living on the street that I grew up in. And my mother couldn’t find me for some hours, right? Sometimes you come to find out I was with my neighbor. She’s She was about a 45 year old woman. And she was talking to me over a cup of tea. That was my first client ever. First client ever. And my mother came frantically banging on the door. She said, Miss us, do you know what Stephanie is? And then she looked around there. And then she got that black mother face on like,
Dr. Connie Omari
I know that face,
Stephanie Jones
you probably made it you see that you made it grabbed me off that barstool and took me out of that. And now that I think about it, I’m like, people have always felt comfortable talking to me, sharing with me, and revealing things to me. So I feel like I was always made to be in this field, know what I’m doing? And here I am.
Dr. Connie Omari
Here you are, wow, I can tell you’re great with it. First of all, thank you for that story. It’s really good to know where our amazing therapists are coming from others to things that kind of have piqued my interest. And I know we’re going to touch on it. And just for one, it is the impact of of the church, because like you said, there has been a lot of what we call church hurt, and it’s influenced our community. And a lot of times as a result of that, we don’t trust the church, and we don’t go to the church. And one of the things I said to you when I first met you, as I said, you know, look like a pastor, and that was you perceive that as positive. And I And that’s I did mean it in that way because of us were sensitive that to that. I think we both are. I wanted to ask you, what were your thoughts on? Well, several things like like you said, you’re going to meditate anyway. I think we kind of pick and choose what we’re going to deal with and what we’re not because a lot of us stay in relationships that are no good. We keep around no good family members who are toxic and just drain out. Yes, you know, whatever. But then the pastor say something wrong, or somebody rubs me the wrong way in church, are you ready to discount the whole religion, the whole face, you know, whatever. And I’m just, you know, I’m not judging, I get it when you’re hurt. It hurts. But we have to assume that hurt people hurt people in our black church is made up of the same trauma, and pain and stuff that we’re going through. And all I’m wanting to do is see if we can be open to considering the possibility, you know, that the enemy is using a tool. Absolutely has been very effective in Oh, our community to the next level. And it’s making us feel like they’re the problem. Yep. Because his job is to steal, kill and destroy.
Stephanie Jones
That’s working overtime. Overtime. 80 plus hours.
Dr. Connie Omari
We followed for we like Yeah. And meanwhile, I don’t know. Yeah. So I wanted to I wanted to touch on that with you and just kind of see like, what were your thoughts on that like, and, again, I’m not blaming our people, I guess. You know, the church has done some serious damage to me. Yeah. So yeah.
Stephanie Jones
Yeah, that’s major. I have a best friend who I went to college with. He’s a pastor in Miami. And we have escalated the term church hurt to spiritual abuse, because that’s what it is, right? Yes, it’s abuse. You have taken your spiritual authority, and you’ve used it as a sledgehammer and you’ve crashed people with it, right? So now there’s a lot of people walking around with a limp or a broken arm. That’s how we look at the spirit. And what happens when you don’t reset an arm? It doesn’t grow back, right? So a lot of people have broken bones, but did not go to the healer, right? Did not go and get healed from God, not from the pastor not from this, to go right to the source.
Dr. Connie Omari
And that’s where that meditation piece you’re talking about. God has connect
Stephanie Jones
right, right back that connect right back. A lot of us have put our stock and put our plugs. We’ve tried to plug up our cellphones into humans. And that’s not the way that church was ever supposed to be set up. Even going way back. It’s never the way it was supposed to be set up. And here’s the thing. There’s always going to be trauma in the black church and until there is a rectifying in the black church. Look how the black church was born in this country specifically. And we know that Christianity did not just start in America, you know what I mean?
Dr. Connie Omari
Didn’t that because, you know,
Stephanie Jones
because I’m like, the white man’s religion. Surely that’s a whole different topic.
Dr. Connie Omari
I’ll tell you that Jesus was black. We that’s a whole nother conversation.
Stephanie Jones
The Bible says it skin like bronze hill like
Dr. Connie Omari
well. We’ve been given these white people been taking all this credit, but whatever.
Stephanie Jones
Religion No, it actually belongs to us. But that’s fine. Because colonizers are gonna do a colonizers are gonna do what I’m saying, yes. It’s going to take and steal, and mimic and then reshape and reform and then regurgitate and produce something that looks like theirs. But it’s actually ours.
Dr. Connie Omari
And we believe in it. Yeah, we will keep. Absolutely, that’s
Stephanie Jones
why this is good. Absolutely. And the awakening is so important, right? Look at how our black church started in trauma in this country. Yeah, the Bible was used as a, I guess, as a color.
Dr. Connie Omari
Master,
Stephanie Jones
under your master, you know, my dad, he showed me, he showed me the Bible that was given to slaves. And this is a small tangent, and then we’ll get right back on he showed me the Bible that was given to slaves. How many verses and chapters were removed from it? That is spiritual abuse. So when we look at all that, and how it’s trickled down, right, the post traumatic slave disorder, right, if we’re talking about that, if we’re talking about being stuck in that rut, we don’t have to blame the church, we need to look at where our energy should be directed. We should be all coming together and fellowship, right. And if our hopes and if our dreams if our eyes are placed on where they need to be, I put no Pastor on a pedestal. I put no Deacon on a pedestal. I put no evangelists, an elder on a pedestal, because they have flesh and a human just like me. And so I’m like, sometimes we cause our own spiritual abuse, because we have put our stock in everybody else. But God, we have plugged our charges, we have put all our energy here, there and everywhere. So when we’re looking at that, I’ve had to navigate a lot of spiritual abuse to write. But I realized that I want my relationship with God, in that a cat kept hanging on anyone else. And I have to forgive and after not so much move on, but navigate in a wiser way so that I’m not spiritually abused over and over again, if one person is doing this, and I’m seeing the same pattern. And like you mentioned, we ignore some things and we stay in these relationships, not far longer than we need to we ignore our feelings. This is what I started saying. Feelings are like jealous lovers. What happens with a jealous lover, if you ignore them, they pop up in places you don’t want them to be absolutely process, every feeling, feel it, acknowledge it, don’t stuff it down, because I think, you know, come up like a Jack in the Box. That’s what we do in church. Jesus will fix it and he will just pray over it and you can but what else do you need to do? Do you need to go see someone? Do you need to go talk to someone? And I don’t just mean the therapy or the the pastoral counseling that pastors give who will not clinically trained, go see somebody who went through a grueling program? Yes. We went through a grueling program, okay. We had to put in the work, papers, this this dissertations here that internships, experiences, let us earn our key. Yes. Don’t go to someone who’s not trained, even in the church. That’s why I got into this business. I want to really help the church do this.
Dr. Connie Omari
I love it. And I really love it when it comes from somebody who is on both sides. Because yes, people think that I think a lot of times we think that, like you said, we have to go through the church. So I’m glad to hear you say that, you know, the spiritual perspective was you also know the science and the evidence based perspective. Yes, they both are valuable. They both I’m very transparent about, you know, my conviction. So I’ve talked with you about it before you came on. But what people may or may not realize is that when you’re under investigation, everything is gay, including your mental health records. And one of the really strong pieces of evidence in my case, was the fact that the the government flaked on the case, like they had all this evidence about, you know, me making false statements and stuff like that. Well, they never understood that it was because the paperwork was messed up. So of course, in therapy, I had been like, ah, can you believe this, you know, you know, just really having a ball with my therapist. Then it got to a point where they wanted to have access to my records. So we had to fight to keep them out of that. But then I feared going to therapy because as you know, when you’re on telehealth, you get the reminders and all of that and FBI, I mean, they can just go into that stuff, or I was afraid that they would so When I had to transition, I was in the the most stress in my entire life. But I couldn’t use the one tool that I always relied on, which was, Oh, get through it. But let me tell you how God showed up. Because just like you’re saying, it was that wellness meditation piece that I tapped into, with every ounce of my being, and I pray, I would pray for hours and meditate. I don’t know, if you want to call it prayer, meditate, whatever. But yes, all of that. And I was just like, God, turn a Situ nation around for me, you know, in giving it to, but I just saw God in His most vulnerable position, and I am so I hate that part of my life, but love that part of my life, all the same, because it gave me something that I would have never, I don’t think I could have ever tapped into God like that without it. So I just share that because, you know, God put me in a situation where I had to rely on God, like it was, you know, I couldn’t go to therapy. And so, so that’s so so therapy is great. But what I like about your approach for some for some people can’t afford therapy. Some people don’t know how to access a therapist, some people don’t know how to, are still struggling to believe in their way how much I say it, you say whatever, you know, so they still so so let’s talk about the meditation and the wellness piece of how that can complement therapy or, you know, be used as a tool in addition to therapy.
Stephanie Jones
Yeah, I think it’s so important for people to find their own way, right. And sometimes we’re like, oh, this person’s doing it this way. So this works best. You have to find your own formula. And if it’s prayer and meditation, and prayer is a form of meditation, your mind is focused on one thing, the more I realized, and the deeper I get into this, the more I realize we meditate all day, like, like I was saying all day on something. It is up to us to direct where we want our meditation to go. And it’s as simple as taking one thought, I’m an affirmation list is what I call myself. I love affirmations to write. You could take one thought I am loved. You could you could meditate on that one thought I am loved. And you know, most people think, well, I can’t meditate, especially people with diagnosis of ADHD and ADD, that’s what I hear all the time. I can’t meditate. You know, I love those doctor, oh, come and tell me you can’t meditate. Love that. can’t meditate. I will prove you wrong every time. Because a lot of people are like, when I meditate. All my thoughts come rushing in. So people like I gotta shut off my brain impossible. Now you’re working against something you can’t do. It’s not about shutting off your brain. It’s about welcoming your thoughts in you acknowledge your thoughts. And then I see them as waves of the ocean you welcome them right back out. If I’m meditating on I Am Love and that’s what I’m sitting in. The thoughts of I am not loved and my mother never loved me and my father never loved me will come in no matter what. This person didn’t love me and they didn’t acknowledge me. They’ll come in, you welcome them in you say come on in. And then you push them back out because the only thought you want right with you is I Am Love. Anything else that’s coming contrary to that or something you don’t want to think about? What do I need to buy groceries for? Where do I need to go? What are those things are your thoughts, they’re welcomed, but they’re not welcome at the moment. So you can shelve them, you can welcome them back out. But I want to focus on I am loved. That is the candle flame that I’m focused on. Other things are trying to come and they’ll set flame out or you know, move that and flicker that flame around. Come on in, but go on out in the same in the same breath. And so when you begin to focus in thinking meditate, you’re literally making your mind circled around one thing, we do it anyway. Let’s focus what we’re going to do. And it’s a beautiful tool to use for those even who aren’t ready for therapy. Because you can do it in your own home. You can do it in traffic and it’s truth be told, more of us should be doing in traffic, we wouldn’t have as much road rage.
Dr. Connie Omari
I love that part.
Stephanie Jones
Then I utilize a lot of music or utilize soap. It’s called soaking music. So it’s so soaking like you soak something in something like soaking. Like I’m soaking in this music, okay. And it is very calming.
Dr. Connie Omari
It is anxiety reducing it sits and
soaking music.
Stephanie Jones
How can we so there’s a there’s, it’s called soaking in heavenly sounds. That’s what I follow on YouTube. I want you to soaking in heavily soaking in heavenly sounds. And it is beautiful. And I’ve cried for some because it’s just like gorgeous. And you just I played in my office. I’m a school counselor at a high school. I played on my office and the kids come in, they’re like, Oh, the vibe in here is so chill. Come on in, you know, you know, because that’s what we have to do. Now we have to introduce things that people are kind of turned off to. So we have to introduce it in a way that they can accept it. And when you use the meditation people like, I can breathe, I breathe for the first time in a long time breathing exercises, those are my best friends, because I use it on myself. How can we tell someone to do something that we haven’t used? Then it becomes hypocritical. Yeah, the same thing when I’m preaching. If I have not lived this message, then I really can’t preach it. Same thing with meditation and therapy, we can give it and we can say we’re big proponents for it, because we live this thing.
Dr. Connie Omari
Absolutely. Absolutely. Well, I love what you’ve done about making it nice and easy, because I think many people feel overwhelmed by meditation. Yes. So what I’ve heard you say already is you’re meditating anyway. So you might as well make it positive Hello. And then it can be as simple as I am loved. So So let’s so help us help help us kind of I’m a visual person. So yeah, I am loved and then go to YouTube and type in soaking music and just kind of what, keep that up like I am loved. I am.
Stephanie Jones
Absolutely. Okay. Yeah. So so I’ll walk you through a whole process. Right, please. So So what I typically do, even for myself, but then for clients as well, right. I just go and put the music on just to set the atmosphere. If there’s anything we’re thinking of, we bring 1000 thoughts into a session into any conversation. We’re just have stocks circulating all the time. So I bring the music in. And I invite us to just take deep breaths and breathe. And what I believe is when you inhale in, you’re taking in what you need. And when you exhale, you’re releasing the things that no longer serve you. So if we’re talking about I am loved, when I’m inhaling, I’m taking in that love that acceptance that affirmation. And when I’m exhaling, I’m exhaling, all that insecurity, all the, you know, abandonment, all the rejection, those things that will negate that I have loved, right. So I have that music playing and I ask people to breathe in and breathe out nice and slow. And then I just start and say, let’s focus on the thought I am loved. And I want you to think about the thoughts that are coming to combat I am loved. That’s what meditation is your, your focus on one thought, and then you’re combating the things that are going to come to destroy your meditation. So I am loved. And think about how that makes you feel. When you say I am loved, do you automatically reject it? Or do you receive it like a do? Does it just sit and settle over you? These are the things you want to be where I want people to be aware of their bodies. When you when you say I am loved your body tense up? Does your heart, maybe palpitate? A little harder because you don’t really feel that? Does your breathing become a little shallow? Or does it speed up? Do you begin to sweat does your pulse increase? Awareness is key, especially meditation. Be focused, be aware of exactly how you’re feeling and what you’re doing. I am loved. And you say it until you begin to believe it if you haven’t believed it before. And you say it until you can stop those rejecting feelings and I’m not love. Remember when they told you you were anything remember that all those things are gonna come up. But you stick with I am loved. And if you’re in a tough situation, you just say I am loved. I am loved. I am loved. My pastor said that our words shape our world. Absolutely. We are putting that out there. We’re inviting the atmosphere around us to say hey, love is right here. I am loved and everything I do. I speak love, I breathe love. I live love. I eat nourishment of love. That’s what I put on my plate. And when you meditate, I keep that thought. And you create that thought around you like a tornado, but it’s not destructive. It’s, you know what I’m saying you keep that cycle around that cyclone. I am loving it keeps going up and down. And you make the atmosphere around you be what you meditating on. Again, you’re gonna meditate anyway. And you watch it atmosphere, it is what you meditate on. It is what you surround yourself with. Surround yourself with love, surround yourself with what you want, that thing will come right back to you. It’ll be reciprocal, you give it out, it comes back and it just keeps going like a cycle.
Dr. Connie Omari
Thank you. Thank you for that wonderful explanation. For those of you who prefer the science way. That’s the law of attraction. Like that’s just what she just saw off the tracks is that it started with you with biblical scripture. But you know, the science comes in they absolutely the visa stuff, but it started with what you’re talking about. That’s that’s what happens you start to show up as what you are saying about yourself, or you are claiming and what you are. Yeah, absolutely. I believe that 100 And I’ve seen it happen so many times. It’s proven
Stephanie Jones
it’s it’s it’s good and bad. Law of Attraction, you know, people, people put the positive connotation. It’s negative to if you’re thinking negative thoughts if you’re surrounding yourself with toxic people, and this is that the third and the posture of your heart is one full of jealousy and envy and hate. That thing is coming back on you like a boomerang
Dr. Connie Omari
It kills me when, you know, when we think about relationships and stuff, people just, I mean, you know, I just think all men cheat and all men are gonna hurt them and all men or whatever you want all the men that they have in their life meet that.
Stephanie Jones
That’s called them to you.
Dr. Connie Omari
I love it. Well, listen, I want to make sure I know. I’m gonna respectful of your time. I told you I had two things, areas. One is another area wanted to talk with you. But I don’t know if you can talk about what this about much about this. But you talked about how our church start in America started in a very in slavery. But one of the things my husband’s African. And so one of the beautiful things that I have about still having such a strong connection to the African culture is seeing a lot of the creativity and a lot of spirituality. And I think coming to the US, for our people has kind of diminished a lot of that because we’ve done a lot of Eurocentric principles. Can you speak on that? And do you know of ways that we can get more back to our indigenous roots in terms of I mean, that is so natural to meditate in some places? Like my husband meditates three times, at least a day. So it you know, he’s blown away by the fact that here it’s like, weird to do that. We don’t really Yeah. Oh, he knows.
Stephanie Jones
So it’s a stigma here. Yeah. You bring up such a good point, you know, when we came over here, our traditions, our cultures, and, and all the things the customs that that kept us close to God, right. connected to our spirit. Were called witchcraft and voodoo and NA, you know, and, and really had a bad tank put on them. So getting back to that, I mean, there’s been I’ll say it like this. There’s been so many layers in such a coat in a tank over us, especially being in this country, over sexualized things in the media, capitalistic mindset, everything is materials and how can I gain this and the Fendi bag and the Gucci and the amazing and all that and it’s great to have great stuff, do that, right. But that that creates a coat and a really a hardened layer over our spirits. And so a lot of us have to be washed. A lot of us have to be washed in order to we’re spiritual people. And I mean, we, the African diaspora, we are the chosen ones. We are the ones connected whether it’s us, we’re connected to God in a way that other people just cannot be. Everyone has it inside of us. It’s just what have we put over it? What have we cemented over? What what doors have we closed so that we’re not as spiritual? And so getting back to that is really important. Like I burned incense. I love incense. I think it’s such a beautiful thing. I love the smell. No, I’m not burning it to any foreign god. Hello, candles. It’s a scent thing. An incense was burned in the Bible and the Bible and it was a sweet smell like you know, we have to get back to those today.
Dr. Connie Omari
This one’s patchouli, this one’s frankincense. What’s your favorite?
Stephanie Jones
So I have one called um, it’s called. It’s called Man either, and I hate it right? I know. My ex boyfriend, his best friend makes them just because our relationship didn’t work out doesn’t mean that I had to quit.
Dr. Connie Omari
Yeah.
Stephanie Jones
There’s also one called heavenly it’s their way over there. But I’ve heard what happened. Heavenly. I love frankincense. Definitely. Yeah, black coconut is one that I just love. It’s just
Dr. Connie Omari
like the more herbal stuff I send people I love fruity stuff. And I don’t I don’t like those. Yes.
Stephanie Jones
And Doctor Oh, I wear body oils right too. And it’s like, well, we need to connect like platform. I wear body oils and I it’s the same way I like the earthy Musk type of thing. Because that smell reminds me of the earth. an earth sign that reminds me of the earth I’m grounded I’m rooted and that is the thing to rooting and grounding going to put your feet on the earth your bare feet on the earth literally.
Dr. Connie Omari
Yeah.
Stephanie Jones
Again, it’s not like we’re opening up God made the earth the Most High created all of this got put your feet on that Earth go put your feet on that ground to be reconnected. That’s what I mean by the Washington go do that. Go you know get a Your music that like we’ve forgotten all of these customs, and we’ve said, it’s this and it’s wicked. And then we end up being in complete turmoil and anxiety has a weigh in, and stress and all that stuff comes on us. And then we have to watch how we exist in our families. Right? boundaries have to be set up. Yes, they do. Because that that spiritual as well, right. That’s very spiritual. Well, we have learned customs and traditions in our family that we don’t want to take into our families that we’ve created. We want to take into our futures, setting up that boundary putting up that’s that’s great spiritual practice, life is spiritual. I listen to an apostle, Dr. Josh, Apostle Joshua Selman, he says, life is spiritual. And it is, and allowing toxic family members and allowing our boundaries to be trampled over is a spiritual abuse to ourselves. Be kind to yourself. So you, yourself
Dr. Connie Omari
said that because we’ll say, my mom’s emotionally unavailable, or my dad’s abusive, but it’s like, you’re being abusive, because you’re allowing I mean, as a child, you know, you have you have to write, but there’s a time where, stop allowing it to happen.
Stephanie Jones
Stop it. Yeah, that enough is enough. And you learn your voice. Even if that could be a meditative thing. I have a voice, my voice Matt, like, Oh, that. And so you can get yourself prepared to go to therapy. If you’re like, Oh, this is a scary and daunting thing that I’m thinking about what we say to ourself matters, affirm yourself, if you want to find in your childhood, affirm yourself now, we don’t have to keep on the same weights and chains of our family. I believe in deliverance, I believe in breaking generational curses and change and all that. Amen. We’re the generation called to do it. Let’s really do it and not keep saying, Oh, my mom was this that and it’s true, and your feelings are valid. Yeah. What else
Dr. Connie Omari
was? What do you go do? What are you gonna do? I love this. I love this. Real quickly, what is Sal Amin?
Stephanie Jones
Oh, my gosh. It comes from the book of Psalms. And it is it was a musical term that means take a rest. And so when you take a sailor, you’re taking a moment for yourself. And it’s, you’re in contemplative reflection, based on the based on the song you just heard, or the music that was just played or the words that were just said right so we’re in a song and the book of Psalms is literally a book Oh, all songs like David and ASAP and all these people were creating this right. So when it says sailor, it says rest, I even have it on my wrist, the with the rest of the law, say law. Just rest, you know, be silent. Rest. If something just happened, c’est la vie. Think about what just happened. You don’t have to rush into any reaction or say anything, just say law. Contemplate a reflection of what you just heard. What you need to process what just occurred. Okay, hold on. I don’t need to rush into this. And that’s what the That’s what the Bible isn’t sharpness to do. You just heard a bunch of beautiful words to God, or a bunch of beautiful words about a situation. Sit in here that you just heard music, listen to how that feels for you. So it’s called sailor mindset. Resting is a mindset. Being in contemplative reflection is a mindset. Sit. And listen. Don’t make any no one can force you into anything. Don’t make yourself go quickly. Process sit, say luck, and then go so that you can respond in an emotionally healthy way. You don’t have to feel forced or like I’m reacting out of anger anxiety, you se la. Se la se la se la. Just sit because you don’t have to force yourself to rush ahead of time.
Dr. Connie Omari
Love it. Love it. Love it. And you have one more name I want to ask you it becomes just the L lilac Oh yeah, like oh, I’d like to color
Stephanie Jones
reminded me like my so purple is my favorite color. If you can’t tell my parents like all my real body. Okay, it’s everywhere. So my social media name is Lila Calandra lilac being my favorite color. And Calandra being my middle name. I love Caloundra I know it’s Native American. Beautiful. My mother shows it great. You know what I mean? So those are my that’s my like, alias Lila. Caloundra that’s how I’m on social media. So c’est la mindset is the business like Caloundra is how you can find me on social media like purples just it just does it for me. Okay,
Dr. Connie Omari
creative free like yeah, my mom’s favorite
Stephanie Jones
color is purple. Your mom’s a wonderful lady.
Dr. Connie Omari
All right, well, it has been a pleasure having you today you just a wealth of knowledge and positivity to the show. We are so grateful for you. So you just left your links to can you just remind us one more time in case people want to find you and work with you?
Stephanie Jones
Absolutely. So at sailor mindset and my website is being redone that will be up to but it’ll be the same so sailor SC E L, A H and then mindset. Okay, um, that’s on Instagram. That’s tick tock, that’s Facebook. And then Lilach Caloundra is me just on social media, my personal pages and things like that connect with me. We want to like I want to do more groups, where awareness groups where you need to be aware of certain things and you need to bring up certain things. I love group work, I will do that for the rest of my life because there’s a lot of healing that happens there. Yeah. So connect with me and we have some things going. I would love to speak with you discuss things with you and I see all ages, teens, adults, everybody. I’m also imagine family therapists, so if you want premarital counseling, marital counseling, if you’re on the brink of something, you need to talk something out. Let’s do it.
Dr. Connie Omari
I’m here, Massachusetts. Yes,
Stephanie Jones
it is in the state of Massachusetts. Yes.
Dr. Connie Omari
Love it. Love it. Awesome. Well, thank you so much. It’s been a pleasure.
Stephanie Jones
Yeah, this was awesome. Thank you so much, doctor. I appreciate it.
Dr. Connie Omari
You’re very welcome. That concludes our show for today to our amazing guests who have listened and joined and allowed us to join you on your healing journey. We are so grateful. Thank you so much for me for allowing us to be a part of your lives and your healing growth. That’s all we have for you today. Peace and blessings, Doctor out bye