Episode #88: Breaking Stereotypes: Empowering Single Black Moms

Dr. Connie Omari:

Hello, and welcome to the black Marriage and Family Therapy matters podcast where we are breaking the toxic relationship cycles in the black community. Today, I want to talk to you about something that I think is very, very important. And that is, first of all, honoring our single black mothers. If no one has told you recently, you’re doing an amazing job. And I salute you, I don’t think that we give enough credit to single mothers for all the work that they’ll do. I know I’ll speak even for myself, so I am married. But every once in a while my husband goes to Africa, or even when he isn’t traveling, sometimes he’ll be here, but being the person who’s working outside of the home, and let’s be honest, being a male, I still get a brunt of the work. And I still have him to fall back on worst case scenario, if I need to run to the store. Or if I just need time for myself, I always have an outlet. So I can’t imagine what it’s like. And I get a better idea of what it’s like when he actually leaves and travels. I can’t imagine what it’s like to are single mothers.

So again, I want to let you know that I see you, I respect you. And again, I salute you, I’m gonna give you a few quick tips to rewrite the narratives of single motherhood. And I think this is going to be especially important for the single mothers who are feeling a little down or are not getting the support that they need or being judged or feeling criticized. Okay, single mothers, this one is for you celebrate your strengths. I don’t know what led to your single motherhood, maybe it was a divorce, maybe it was just a toxic relationship. Maybe you were never even in a relationship to begin with. I don’t know. And it’s not my place to judge you. But what I do want to say is there’s something special inside of you. I don’t know what it is, because I don’t know you. But you do. And I’m asking you to tap into that. So that you can feel strong and secure in who you are and what you represent. This is important not only for you, but for the amazing child or children that you are inspire and mentor, the tough reality is you’re not the only one 70% of black women have babies, where they are actually not in a least a marital relationship, which technically still means that you’re single.

So if 70% of these women are doing this, there’s somebody out there who’s just as afraid and just as scared as you are just as insecure and feeling just as judged as you feel, mentor them, and let them know how to work through the hoops. You know it because you’re doing it, teach one, the same goes each one teach one. Do that and see how much better you feel about yourself as as a single challenge stereotypes. I know they say that single mothers want to be single, and they’re aggressive, and they’re violent, and they want to be on welfare, and they don’t make money and they’re promiscuous, and they’re, you know, you name it, they have said it, there’s been some very ugly things to him and said about my people. But what I’m saying to you today is you can break that only you have the power to break how people perceive you.

So put people’s perceptions of you out of your mind and you break, embrace and walk into your own authenticity, own your own single motherhood, irrespective of the stereotypes about promote financial empowerment. One of the drawbacks of being single is that you’re going to more than likely have a single parent household. But that doesn’t mean that you have to live poor, there are ways that you can learn to manage your money and allow that money to stretch so that you can financially support other areas of your life. I’m going to give you a link and I’m going to leave the link in the bio to another channel that I have where I teach about financial empowerment. That channel is called the Black wealth channel. It’s very useful for people who need to learn how to manage what they have, so that they can live a life of an advocate for policy change. Nobody knows the struggles and the burdens and the difficulties of being a single black mother more than you so advocate for more resources that help you not only get utilize the system, but a lot of times we get stuck on the system.

What are some ways that we can learn to get off of the system so that we can be independent and not have to rely on resources that are government funded but in stead resources that are community funded, crowdfunded, just within ourselves to make single motherhood more conducive, and more effective for all of the people who are involved. create art and media use art and literature and resources to show case what it’s like. Okay, you can do this.

Alright, that’s all I have for you today, I’m not going to hold you much longer. I think that these are enough tips to get you started on rethinking how you can change the narrative of black single. Before we go, I want to make sure that you look in the description and grab a link to the A to Z bootcamp. In this bootcamp, you’re going to learn a to z different communication skills and techniques that will take your relationships to the next level. This isn’t just the relationship that you have with a significant other. This can be the relationships that you have with your children, the relationships that you have with your parents, the relationships you have it works your friend, any relationship that you can have will definitely benefit from the ABC bootcamp and it’s delivered right to your email, so please click the link in the bio. If you haven’t done so yet. Please comment, like and subscribe so that we can stay in touch and so that we can officially welcome you as a member of our community. Alright, that’s all I have for you today. Thank you so much for your time. Peace and blessings. Dr. O.