Welcome to the black Marriage and Family Therapy matters podcast where we connect black families to black therapist. On Mondays, you will receive direct therapeutic support from a licensed therapist or professional connected to the mental health field. They will provide therapeutic and educational resources to help you have a healthier relationship with your family members. On Wednesdays, you will receive direct tips and resources to help you get through the stuck places that prevent many people from having relationships with their families and significant others that they desire. On Fridays, we want you to visit our blog which can be found at WWW dot black MFT matters.com which holds additional resources and action steps that you can begin implementing immediately to improve your relationships. This is necessary because we love that you are listening. But we want you to take action to while you are there. Please grab our A to Z relationship bootcamp and be provided with the skills you need to immediately communicate better within your relationships. Please note that while the therapists on podcasts are therapists, they do not serve as your therapist unless you have signed a confidential agreement with them confirming that relationship. Thank you in advance for listening, and we hope you are inspired. All right. It’s time for the show. Here is your host, Dr. Connie Omari.
Dr. Connie Omari
Hello, and welcome to the black Marriage and Family Therapy matters podcast where we connect black families to black therapists. Today we have an awesome guest, Dr. Eric Williams. Hi, Dr. William.
Dr. Eric Williams
Hello. Hello. It is a pleasure to be here.
Dr. Connie Omari
Thank you. It’s a pleasure to have you. If you don’t mind. I’m gonna give my audience just a little bit of information about you then we’ll get right started. Okay. Absolutely. Go for it. All right. Dr. Amy Williams is a Christian husband of 14 years and father of 11 year old identical twin boys diagnosed with autism and a three year old neurotypical daughter. He is credentialed as both a licensed professional counselor, supervisor and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist right here in Fayetteville, North Carolina. He is also a veteran, a veteran paratrooper of the 82nd Airborne Division. He works on Fort Bragg as a military and family life counselor. In his private practice, coastal Family Services PLLC right off of Morgenson wrote and serves as an online adjunct faculty member at both Teru University worldwide and Huntington University. He branded himself as a relationship expert, specializing in couples and marriage issues with an emphasis on African American relationships. He also has a social media presence on Facebook, known as the coastal Family Services and thriving love for new lovers and on Instagram, at purpose and hope Diller. He blogs for various media outlets, and has been featured on major sites like Pop Sugar, Yahoo, and Psychcentral. He recently published an online course for couples titled soulmate connection, loving living and winning together for those looking to excel at relationships and enabling them to build a healthy village. Well, Dr. Williams That is impressive. What it is, do you have anything you want to add to that?
Dr. Eric Williams
You know, I think that is really the biggest thing is that I really have. I realized that when I work with individuals, I work with couples, that is just something that has really jumped out for me, just to give you a little bit of background about my history. And how interesting this has been for me, when I grew up, I didn’t necessarily come from a two parent home. My parents divorced when I was 13. And so the couples I saw around me, were not they weren’t married either. So I didn’t have the model. So when God spoke to me, and said, Hey, this is what you’re going to be doing. I I jumped on it. And it’s been ever it’s been great ever since. So for me the idea that I’m even working with couples, sometimes it amazes me because I didn’t. But to be able to give it back and see that God is working through me to do it. It’s been nothing more than nothing short of a blessing for me. And hopefully a blessing for the couples I work with.
Dr. Connie Omari
That’s awesome. That is awesome. It’s nothing like using our own pain, to connect with people and being able to create opportunities for others to have what we what we were lacking ourselves. So I think that’s awesome. Yes, yeah. And I know a lot about your work so I can’t wait to get into some of that as well because you do do a really good job. In what you do, yeah, thank you. You’re welcome. You’re welcome. And kind of, you know, really what I’d like to bring this direction take us to the direction of is toxic masculinity for today? Yeah, because it’s such a big issue, especially in the African American community. Exactly. I think especially in situations like yourself, when it sounds like you did not grow up with a male figure in the home. And so it sounds like, what will just tell me like, What do you have any thoughts about what toxic masculinity means and how that might be influenced by growing up without it outside of a two parent home.
Unknown Speaker
You know, the interesting thing about toxic masculinity is even even when we describe as toxic, every bodies or every males, sense of masculinity, they have their their their similarities, but they all see them a little bit differently. So even when we talk about masculinity, there’s a difference in how, how many of them look at it, and some of them believe that believe they’re being very unique, and what they do, and it turns out to be that a lot of them are embracing some of the same things. So I work quite a bit with with couples, and sometimes I have general, you know, just males coming into counseling, what I realized is that they their sense of masculinity, instead of for me, I don’t necessarily call it toxic, I soften the blow a little bit to kind of keep me engaged, but it’s really more so I’m so underdeveloped since. And, and when we peel back the layers and realize where they derive this from, oftentimes, their stories are very similar to mine, where you didn’t go with the best model, or you may not have grown up with a model at all, and kind of develop it as you go or you develop, develop it from other people, maybe appears to me not know, either. So toxic masculinity just looks like it’s almost like self preservation kind of say, well, I want to be what I think I should be to fit into a certain situation that doesn’t necessarily play out very well. And it becomes a mix a toxic relationship as a result.
Dr. Connie Omari
Wow. Wow, I love that. And I don’t think I’ve ever heard it put that way. And it makes good, it makes a lot of sense. Because when I think it’s such a toxic, I think of it as poisonous, or almost like a combination of something really bad. But growing up without a dad, like that’s not really bad. You know, that’s, that’s, that’s underneath that, like we’re underdeveloped, we’re missing something from our developmental stage, which impacts how we show up in the world.
Unknown Speaker
Absolutely. And so what happens is, you know, we to just actually just live it more is nice, and then we start listening to the music or we think our ideas about you know, maybe certain celebrities, the brava central of identity from that, and that, you know, in a sense, it’s not that I think people strive to have a toxic sense of masculinity, it becomes toxic, really, in the way that it plays out in their everyday life. And that’s where we want to be toxic. It’s just that it manifests toxic based on the relationships that I have with the rest of the larger society so and help people realize that it was really kind of what I enjoy doing.
Dr. Connie Omari
Wow, that’s awesome. Dr. Williams, and I, you know, I, I just think it’s so natural for us to kind of go into go into this, because you just told something to me that I didn’t even know, which was that your father actually wasn’t in the home. And you recall at the end of 2018 was a very difficult time, I think for both of us. I lost my dad in October, and we he also was not a major part of my life. And it’s just because you reached out to me and you sent your condolences and I said, thank you very much. And I think maybe a month later, or so, I found that you lost your dad.
Unknown Speaker
Absolutely. So I’m glad you brought that up, because that’s something that I really don’t share a lot and very few people know but the relationship I had with my dad was one where before my parents separated before they divorced, I could not stand my dad at all and there was plenty to say that to my mom because of the nature of their relationship is very much alcoholism, just not there emotionally and you know, in in the family so so I just kind of grew up kind of repeating a good deal until I was about 13. Well, the divorce we had a better relationship after they divorced and where I would see my dad go visit because we live across town he’s still gonna visit in a relationship became better as we got older. So so but that was for me. There was still those old wounds that have never really healed But it’s something that I’ve never really talked about, really with anyone. And I realized what a lot of guys, that is very much our story where have these wounds when these paths relate themselves and we don’t necessarily seek out, excuse me help. And it it, it drives how we interact with our own kids and drugs, spouses or any other words that women have. So this is, you know, I’m glad you brought that up. Because I think in a lot of ways, whether you have a father in the home or not, you can still pick up some underdeveloped ideas. Be a man what it means to be a father and I see that.
Dr. Connie Omari
Yeah, yeah, I bet. Um, and I know, this is about, you know, toxic masculinity or underdeveloped masculinity. And also, you know, you’re speaking from a male’s perspective, but I just You hit on so many things, as well, as a female, that I think we because we, I guess, you know, growing up in a household without a father, my situation was very similar. But, you know, I think it had, I think I attracted to, for a very, very long time, a certain type of man that said, that narrative. And I’m wondering, do you see that a lot of your practice as well?
Unknown Speaker
Yeah, you know, and it’s interesting, I just had a couple, just last night that we brought this up. So one of the Ask initially is, you know, for couples is, when you first came into this relationship, or just in general, what is your idea of a relationship? What is your idea of what a husband and a wife should do? And then once you get it from the, the female that I was talking to last night, actually mentioned that she was looking for someone that was more like her dad. One, and in return, I hear oftentimes, a lot of guys are saying in that same dynamic, they don’t feel like they measure up because that that person, that image that the you know, the female or the wife may be looking for, isn’t that awesome, too, because they didn’t grow up seeing it, whereas she may have. And I think, you know, what you just mentioned, there’s something very key that a lot of females, they do grow up with, I think for, for me, being a father, of a daughter of my three year old. I think about it, how do I not make the same mistake? My daughter’s narrative to be, didn’t have that relationship. So I do hear that what you just mentioned, and that is something that oftentimes, couples, I try to let them know that the work that we do is not about just getting you to to be in a better place. The legacy I’m thinking about your kids, and I don’t share the same narrative that you’re sharing today. We didn’t see that example from your parents or other elders, I don’t want that to be their story, too. So the work we save important for their sake as well.
Dr. Connie Omari
Very good. Very, very good. Well, thank you for that. So we’re gonna kind of change the, the title of this different toxic masculinity to underdeveloped masculinity, just in light of the wisdom that you’ve just shared with all of us. So what is the one thing that you wish black families knew? Like, I know, there’s a lot and you’ve been doing this for a while. But if you could just pick one thing? What do you wish we knew about underdeveloped masculinity?
Unknown Speaker
I think when I’m a kind of brain is from a couple standpoint, and again, it’s kind of my mind is always thinking in relation to so. So one of the things I always think about is when males, and I’m gonna kind of go from both sides, but for a lot of males that come into this, their own their sense of adulthood, this sense of being a man, to be aware that who you are, and how great you are, as a man, it’s not something that I guess for both sides. It’s not something that you can self proclaim, and say, Look, you know, I’m the greatest man in the world, I can be, you know, I’m the best Husband, husband of the year, or there’s no better husband than me, because that is a title that can only be granted to you based on the feedback you get from your partner. So everything going to a relationship is very relational. So you can have a million great ideas. But the one idea to hold on to is that it’s not so much if a grid is the idea, a great idea is more so does this work for us. So that’d be the one thing and for both male and female, really is you can have great ideas, but the real question is, does this work for my relationship with does it not work? And that means really closely scrutinizing everything, every detail that you’ve ever learned about what it means to be in a healthy relationship, when he wants to feel he listened to you listen to Brene Brown whomever the real question is, bring it back to my relationship. Does this work? versus does it not work? More so than is it right? Or is it wrong?
Dr. Connie Omari
Very good. And, you know, just piggybacking off of that, because I know I’ve been very guilty of like, going to the experts, you know, like, all those people that you just mentioned, I have it as easy to do, because, you know, when you haven’t had it, you’re searching for that connection, somebody reads, tell me, but sometimes even that doesn’t work. Yeah. So like, like, if it doesn’t work for for my relationship? You know?
Unknown Speaker
Yeah, exactly. And a lot of times when we look to these experts, because I feel the pressure, when couples come in and see me, they, we look to these experts, because we want someone and a lot of ways to verify that what I’m saying is true, when I’m doing it, and this is what you need to be doing. So you can be better. And reality a lot of times is these experts have a lot of great ideas. But like, a lot of times I like to say, well, the expert has great ideas, but they don’t know your relationship. And so the idea is take the information, bring it back to the relationship, and then see if it works, having this information more so than just implementing it without the other person that’s actually co signing on it. So that’s always try to really, you know, look at, I don’t want to sign experts, because I guess in some way, you know, you and I as counselors, they look at us first.
Dr. Connie Omari
Just read your bio and your opinion Popsugar Psychcentral, you are an expert.
Unknown Speaker
Yeah, so the idea is just to make sure that people look take this information home, don’t do because I said it, do it because you feel like it works for you. And that’s kind of the way, you know, a lot of couples, that’s the biggest advice I have. The one thing I’ve been missing?
Dr. Connie Omari
Well, that’s good. I think that’s very humble of you. Because a lot of times, you know, being the expert in things, it’s easy for us to say this is the solution. You know, and I know even in business being in business is you know, people want results. People want to know what will work. But I think there’s just so true and authentic of you to, to bring in the importance of, you know, just, let’s see if this works for you. And if it doesn’t, that’s okay. Absolutely. Is there a specific area around this, that she would say blacks, just really black families that you work with are black marriages that you work with, but they’re really struggling?
Unknown Speaker
You know, the, this is gonna sound kind of weird, but I think the one focus that I like to look, what I like to get couples to get to, especially for for black COUPLES IS, it’s okay to say I don’t know what I’m doing. Because people can get to that place in relationship, then we can grow. Both people believe or one person really believes I know what I’m doing. And you just got to come around this thing. That’s my way, as we peel back the layers, as we talked about before, so how you know what, what you saw the kid growing up the ideas about what a healthy relationship was or what you did not see. And then we start talking about how you develop your own sense of what you’re supposed to be as a man or a woman. Realize that, hey, you know what, I really didn’t have anything. I said, once you get in front of the GRE, I really don’t know, you know, some of us on TV, some of it I just, you know, just thought up, then I’ll I’ll get both of them to relax and say, hey, you know, what? Is it fair to say that you really don’t know how to be the husband or the wife that this person needs to be? And they both agree that wow, they’re Alright, great. Now we’re gonna start because, yeah, we can get to that place. We can move on. I think both people just have to be humble enough and wise enough to say, look, I don’t know what I’m doing. And I want to get some help. And I want to be able to be the best husband or wife, I can be for you.
Dr. Connie Omari
Wow, awesome. I’m wondering, a lot of times when I when I hear about things that like this that come up now, I wonder how much of that might play into our history? Because I can imagine, if you would get with, you know, you better know something, you know about how to sell something or whatever, if that was the consequence.
Unknown Speaker
Absolutely, especially for a male just kind of go back to the whole being a man and, you know, just for man to say, I don’t know anything. Like, I don’t know how to do this. By nature. We’re all men, you know, for us. Most of us at least, have been socialized to the you know, fix it.
Dr. Connie Omari
Oh, yeah. Well, we got to fix this.
Unknown Speaker
So I don’t really care what you don’t be telling me even if you say, I just needed to listen to me. I’m trying to fix that problem. And that may not be what you need. And so, or I’ve heard many times where the idea is, this is just what you know, I just do what you know me and do. The problem that I’m not open to the idea of listening Because I must have identified with the general role of what a man should be, or what a black man should be more so than I did of what a husband to my spouse. So we’re trying to shift that paradigm a little bit as a black man. I’m a husband to, you know, my wife and my husband to you know, so I think that’s the biggest thing.
Dr. Connie Omari
And like you said, a lot of us are simply just growing up in households where that wasn’t there. Yeah, no, you know, you don’t have anybody to teach you. You don’t have anybody to show you. And it’s hard.
Unknown Speaker
It is. And it’s okay to just, you know, on one hand, we like to say, yes, you know, especially the black community. Yeah, that’s where I came from. And initially see this, you know, I’m kind of, you know, I kind of came up through, you know, had a rough childhood was tough love. This place. Now, you know, I kind of, you know, pick myself up, pull myself up on bootstraps, and that’s great. To an extent, but relationships, you’re really only as good as your spouse loves, and so sometimes only as good as your weakest link.
Dr. Connie Omari
Yeah, yeah. I’ve always wondered, you know, and and I’m not perfect myself. But when you pull one of your partners down, yeah, call yourself. Yeah.
Unknown Speaker
Absolutely. I was horrible. In a husband. I was talking about I’m like, Yeah, I did that was I had to learn, like, what does it mean to really be, you know, a husband, but I didn’t know. That was, you know, just time in both my head and I realized going to counseling to maybe throw this in there, too, that I think, like couples and black means to know is that yeah, we do. Do we need to go to counseling? Yes. No, like, I wouldn’t counsel to learn, you know.
Dr. Connie Omari
Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. It’s funny because this you gave your vulnerable moment. I’ll share you’ll probably think this is so funny. I used to get nothing. But like drug dealers, like straight out like, really tough like gigs. Man, and I’m not knocking those man, I love my black people. But to me, that was I guess toxic. masculinity. Let’s not even adjective what it was masculinity, like they were taught, they were respected, even though it was feared respect. They had money and thought that was living.
Unknown Speaker
You know, and that’s it, like, honestly. So I mean, I have spent time with, you know, like, brothers have sold drugs. And I’ve just been around a lot of people that are probably Cinnabon around that. If I had stayed in that setting, I probably would not be on this podcast right now. There probably be some Docu series on Netflix at some point. But I think that’s kind of the what you were saying, you know, is, we come from these places, because this is kind of what we know, is what we see. We know. And I think a lot of times what I hear when I see couples come in, I see these young guys coming to counseling, I’m looking at him like, man, you know, you could really be so much more, but I get the context in which your life is in right. To try to work a lot of us. I mean, I can judge any person that ever came and go, I’m like, Yeah, I got to I know that. But that’s absolutely.
Dr. Connie Omari
Yeah. Yes. Wow. Awesome. Um, are there any resources that will be tangible? You mentioned experts, of course, we’re gonna talk a little bit about your practice and your course if it is, but are there any themes that I don’t know you, you know, maybe a Netflix series or, or a scripture verse, or anything that you could see, you know, that families could rely on when they’re, when they’re going through a tough time?
You know, I’m gonna try to keep this as short as possible, cuz I know sometimes I’m trying to get I get Animated Talking about these topics. At relationship topic, I’m like, Yeah, I could talk about that. I could do that. So I’m gonna try to talk about a couple of things. I’m probably going to leave some things out because my mind is just kind of slipping through it all right now but I think one of the the biggest things that there was a resource I would ask people to really look at it’s gonna sound kind of weird. It’s that read, you know, just get into audiobooks. And just to an array of Bose I listened from Brene Brown, The Millionaire Next Door are mine. I’ve listened to social justice, a lot of different things, Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell, like, there’s a lot of information that is out here. And what you find is that the more you expand the way you think the more you read about, about these, with these different tags in the way you think. And once you expand the way you think it really shapes how you interact. And I’ve looked at five to myself that I’ve learned that, you know, Malcolm Gladwell and outliers was talking about which he got from somebody else, but he was talking about the 10,000 hours, think that’s 10,000 hours of practice, before you become very proficient at something. Will the psychologist click to expand on that a little bit more, it says not only is it just 10,000 hours of practice, but 10,000 hours of effective practice. Something will really teach to be more now there’s some some limitations to that. But obviously, like if Mikey was sat right now, try to practice basketball, I will never be, you know, let’s say LeBron or anything. When it comes to relationships, followed, by practice communicating over and over again, I get better that often. implication is, if I’m only married for a year, and I feel like hey, you know what, this is not working for me, I get out that you haven’t practiced being married, married long enough to get better at this. So don’t give up just because, you know, 1000 2000 hours of this is not really working for you. And a lot of times we want to give up on marriage. So expand it a little bit more, take more time, don’t give up, go to counseling, learn how to practice communication skills, practice, setting your own boundaries, you got to be you have to do this consistently become better at it. So that’s just one thing that just reading that’s not even a book on relationships. It’s a book about outliers and society that’s in there that you can bring back to your relationship. So yeah, so that’d be one was just read just, you know, book by that I read.
Unknown Speaker
What’s your name’s Michelle Obama’s book, great book, great. recommend that to anybody who thinks that their relationship is difficult, or your spouse works too much, or the woman you give them your identity to support him? Like, read it? It’s a great, great way to really kind of look at perspective on relationships, too.
Dr. Connie Omari
So you mentioned something, I just want to expand upon it a little bit. It’s audio books, right? Yes, that’s right. I thought that, you know, it’s like, how do people have time to read? Like, how do people get this stuff done? Audiobooks is like change audible, so audible, it has changed the industry for me. And it’s like a prescription of what, like 14, something I didn’t get paid to endorse them or anything, but 14 Something a month, and you can get a certain amount of credits, and you can get a new book. Oh, my gosh, when I’m dropping my kids off in the morning to school, when I’m going out, you know, with my friends are doing drop up with the grandparents, I just have that on in the car. And I’m done with the whole book.
Unknown Speaker
Yes, that’s been a game changer for me. And I’ll tell you that recommends a book. The first question is that I find that I’m driving consistently and I have but I like reading. I like new information. So I think being able to hear it while I’m driving is really, really helpful. So for those who find themselves be very busy, like competing with why I’m busy with school, to sit down and read a book, I get it. Yeah,
Dr. Connie Omari
exactly. And another thing you said too, is it does I mean, great to do relationships and experts, but you can listen to fun things. You know, you can listen to mysteries or documentaries or whatever it is all of that like feature break. You know, it stimulates you and gets you thinking a different way.
Unknown Speaker
About exactly and even more. So now you have something else to connect with your spouse on, you can say, hey, you know, this is something great today, you can have a dialogue and sometimes people thought they had to go out and spend a whole lot of money to connect with your spouse.
Dr. Connie Omari
You can do it right here.
Unknown Speaker
Together will live together or we can come back and talk about it do our own little in house book club. Yeah.
Dr. Connie Omari
Cool, awesome. Any other resources that you could think of? So
Unknown Speaker
that was definitely one I would also say if you do nothing else, some people say look, I don’t have to worry. I don’t worry, you know, a book. I just want to you know, take the quickest way possible. I said, Look, just take the five love languages quiz. So if you get it go online and just typing a five love languages, quiz or a file.com. Put that in, take the quiz. And then something I like to help couples do is you know after you see what you’re learning what it is or what you’re Top score is because fibers ones. Right? I’m gonna see the paper says, Look, I feel most loved when and then based on that love language for you be very specific and then just write that down so that we know you kind of create a cheat sheet. Again, this cost you nothing at all, you just go online and almost create a cheat sheet.
Dr. Connie Omari
I’m gonna see if I can find out online and put that in the show notes. I’ve never done that. So I think that’s awesome. Absolutely. Awesome. Awesome.
Dr. Eric Williams
Because right now, I could probably list more, but, but I don’t wanna take over the podcast talking about resources.
Dr. Connie Omari
Oh, no, no, not at all. No, we are really grateful for your feedback, you’ve got a lot to offer. I do want to shift our direction. Now. It’s a segment of the show that we call what’s good. So good is a part of the show where we apply this information into what will be a real life scenario for our listeners. Are you ready? Yeah, I’m ready. Okay, meet Johnny. Johnny is a single African American man who is 34 years old. He has a successful career as an entertainment lawyer, and is in a jazz band that he works with on the weekend. While he enjoys his line of work, and the life of an artist, he recognizes that he’s missing something in his life. He wants a partner to share his life with and grow old with. The problem is, he’s never had a stable relationship that lasted more than six months. He has a very active sex life. When I’ve slept with over 30 Women in one month. He brags about that record off. Yet his previous girlfriend of three months dumped him. Because she said he was not emotionally available. It was too quick to get angry. He dumped the girlfriend before that, because he was cheated and did not want to keep lying. He fears getting into another relationship, because he does not want to introduce the same pattern of behavior, but thinks if he gets professional counseling, it’s a threat to his manhood. Do you have any advice for John?
I changed the name but I do 30 flippin in one month.
Wow. So you know, the one of the things that I hear a lot in this story, which I want to explore with him to really understand what is the function behind a lot of what he does, because he’s not, he’s a very, very busy guy. And he stayed and busy and a lot of ways I mean, working relationally sexually so busy, that there’s something behind why he, he stays so busy. Which, I mean, even on the weekends, he works full time in a day, I mean, throughout the weekend and sedated and you know, he finds time for relationships and and then the point about him having not being emotionally present that jumped out. So come into counseling, which I can I could get, I don’t even know you fit it into his schedule, really. But, but what I would say is for him to really take inventory of really, and this is something that it’s almost like coaching, so to speak, but rather to take inventory. So look, you know, when I look at, you know, who I am, and my values, it’s two things, you know, one, what do I value? As a man like what really meet me? And and then the other thing is, what is the legacy that I want to leave behind? And I think for him to really begin to envision both of those I will you know, my values, obviously, music is important. It sounds like the you know, the thing you say he’s a lawyer, lawyer, yes.
Unknown Speaker
So those things need to be there. But you know, I almost wonder and it sounds bad to put in his context. But almost wonder if the women that he’s having these relations with are being just used to help cope with something else. And in some way, he’s actually using these females to not help him to become whatever you call it, his his vision is for for later on. So to really, really help him to really just sit down to like, what do I really want to do? What do I really want to become? What’s the legacy I want to leave behind to really focus in on that, and I think sometimes, him being as busy as he is, it doesn’t get enough time to really focus and really bring that into to a healthy picture that he can actually see. I think he’s just kind of live kind of coping and that can be very difficult now,
Dr. Connie Omari
is there anything that can be done to get Johnny to take the initiative or getting help? Like maybe any stereotypes he might have that he needs to get past or?
Unknown Speaker
Yeah, you know, I think sometimes the idea that counseling undermines the, the the man who or the masculinity is oftentimes a challenging one to overcome. And I think well, a lot of guys, that’s just the nature of it. But you know, there are also situations or opportunities where, when males are able to, and this is a no way to, you know, to make him become a better person. But I think sometimes when I can think outside of myself, sometimes if I’m attached to something bigger than me that says, hey, you know, I’m a value to other people, somebody like John may feel better if he was, you know, attached to maybe helping somebody else out. So he was, you know, a mentor for another maybe perhaps a kid or a mentor for another professional, but in a way, that’s something that really keeps me grounded, Scholastic connected. And so sometimes that becomes a reason me instead of, to really make sure I’m good sort of work for somebody else. And so for him, I always say, you know, what, it’s, it’s to really help him really connect with something else, and Nestle to help him realize that, hey, you know, what, me being connected, and my life really mattering to, you know, whomever or to wherever entity, now becomes even more reason to want to seek out help. And in accounting at that point becomes more So naming, counseling, maybe it’s just more coaching, maybe he’s not for counseling right now, he may be just in a place for coaching, and then maybe, initially, and then maybe some coaching, he can probably find out that, hey, you know what, maybe counseling may uncover some things.
Dr. Connie Omari
Very good. Very good. I like that. And I’ve learned that too, by doing counseling and coaching, sometimes people are just more comfortable with coaching, it’s less of a stigma. You know, we’ve had coaches our whole life in high school, you know, on the sports team and in different areas. So I think, yeah, I love that. I love that. Well, Dr. Williams, you know, I can’t let you go without telling us all the work you do. So where can my listeners find you?
Unknown Speaker
Sure. So I’m on. Well, yeah, I’m all over the place.
Dr. Connie Omari
So my, to work with you? And then where can they find you online about that.
Unknown Speaker
For my website is www dot coastal Family Services, p llc.com. In coastal Family Services, p llc.com. So you go there, that’s where my website is. See, blogs. But also you can see my availability for doing counseling work for people and I’m also on Facebook. So that’s another place where people if for those individuals that are like, You know what, I’m just not ready for counseling right now. I completely get it on, you can find me on Facebook on a coastal services. Join the page, I put a lot of positive inspirational information out there where people can see it. And you know, some people I’ve actually found that people connect through that page as well, they’ll eventually want to come in for counsel. So that’s, that’s another way. And then our private group just have a private group is called thriving love for new lovers is on. It’s also on Facebook. So and now it’s exclusively about couples works I put out just to help people really think about couples or I post questions just kind of generate some dialogue. And what happens is there’s a community of other people in couples, I mean, relationships coming in and talking about their relationship. So just It’s another way of just being able to get out to people to reach people. And it’s his kind of free, free help. So media so this, always follow in taking some tidbits, take it back to relationship bit and see if it works for you. And if it does, great implemented, then.
Dr. Connie Omari
Let’s go to coastal Family Services real quickly. Now that’s located in Fayetteville, but you provide counseling online, correct?
Unknown Speaker
Yes, I do online counseling. And by video for in face to face. So
Dr. Connie Omari
what want to have that as a barrier. I just want to make it very clear. You don’t have to come in the office. Absolutely. drive all the way across the state. Anybody in this state with that with access? Okay.
Unknown Speaker
So, being that we are counselors, licensed in the state of North Carolina, I can see anybody in a state of North Carolina as long as you’re willing to be online or you want to come see me and you live in Asheville, that’s fine too.
Dr. Connie Omari
Oh, let me just be clear, I don’t know if I hope it’s okay if I ask this question, but are you in network of choice here?
Unknown Speaker
I am. So I’m I think Benefiber you just kind of It just kind of have to be so obvious. For for this area, I don’t see a whole lot when I worked in the carry location, but I still track here in the, in the federal area as well as Military OneSource. So, so I’m on that panel as well as Blue Cross Blue Shield.
Dr. Connie Omari
Awesome. Awesome. Very good. And last, but certainly not least, that couples course, soulmate connections, loving living and winning together, please tell our listeners how to find that.
Unknown Speaker
So that course is also and I’ve put a link out on social media quite a bit. So I’ll definitely and I’ll give you a link at the end, okay. Absolutely. We can still Google soulmate connections, or soulmate Academy by Eric Williams, it’ll, it’ll come up that way too. Right now, the web page is still being designed. But the link back to the act of so there’s a landing page.
Dr. Connie Omari
Very good. So we’ll make sure that we have that in the show notes. And I just can’t thank you enough, Dr. Williams, for all the information that you shared with our listeners today. I can imagine it was very down to earth. And it’s very refreshing to have someone who speaks like us who looks like this act like this, to have such amazing wisdom and feedback. So thank you on behalf of all of our listeners for for coming and sharing your wisdom.
Unknown Speaker
You know it no problem at all. I’m just grateful to be here. I’m glad you’ve started platform. I’m happy to be. I look forward to doing future work with you.
Dr. Connie Omari
Sounds great. All right. You take care. Yes, ma’am.
Dr. Eric Williams
You too. All right.
Dr. Connie Omari
Bye bye. Thank you for listening to this episode of The Black Marriage and Family Therapy matters podcast, where we connect black families to black therapists. Since you’ve listened all the way through, come on in and join the family. If you haven’t done so yet, please join our free community where we offer weekly trainings and monthly giveaways. We can be found on Facebook under the black marriage and families matter Facebook group. And since you’re serious about joining our family, we also invite you to join our all ad campaign, which signifies your commitment to go all in not only for yourself, but in helping us reach more people by downloading this podcast wherever you are listening to it, leaving us a review and subscribing to our YouTube channel. This really helps us reach more people and change more lives. After all, Dr. Martin Luther King once said, we can all get more done together than we can apart. With that said, I want to encourage you to share this episode with just three other people who you think might also benefit from our community, and what we are offering with the hopes that all of you can join are all in campaign. When you’re done, simply click the link all in campaign in the bio and receive a free copy of my course entitled goodbye toxicity which is valued at $297. This course will help you to work through some of the difficult experiences that arise in most of our relationships. And it’s completely free to you with your commitment to join are all in campaign. We look forward to connecting with you every Monday and Wednesday. Thanks for listening