Toxic Masculinity or Underdeveloped Masculinity

Black men get a bad rep for demonstrating toxic masculinity, but not with Dr. Eric Williams. He clarifies the harm that this does for black men and their relationships and provides tools and resources to navigate the disparity.

Dr. O.

Hello, and welcome to the black Marriage and Family Therapy matters Podcast, where we connect black families to black therapists. Today we have an awesome guest, Dr. Eric Williams. Hi, Dr. Williams.

Dr. Eric Williams

Hello, hello. It is a pleasure to be here.

Dr. O.

Thank you. It’s a pleasure to have you. If you don’t mind. I’m gonna give my audience just a little bit of information about you then we’ll get right started. Okay.

Dr. Eric Williams

Absolutely. Go for it.

Dr. O.

All right. Dr. A. Williams is a Christian has been a 14 years and father of 11 year old identical twin boys diagnosed with autism and a three year old neuro typical daughter. He has credentialed as both a licensed professional counselor, supervisor and licensed Marriage and Family Therapist right here in Fayetteville, North Carolina. He is also a veteran, a veteran paratrooper of the 82nd Airborne Division. He works on Fort Bragg as a military and family life counselor in his private practice, Coastal Family Services Lllc right off of morganton Road and serves as an online adjunct faculty member at both to rule University worldwide and Huntington University. He brands himself as a relationship expert, specializing in couples and marriage issues with an emphasis on African American relationships. He also has a social media presence on Facebook, known as the coastal Family Services and Thriving Love for New Lovers and on Instagram, at Purpose and Hope Dealer and blogs for various media outlets, and has been featured on major sites like PopSugar, Yahoo, and Pysch Central. He recently published an online course for couples titled Soulmate Connections, Loving Living and Winning Together for those looking to excel at relationships and enabling them to build a healthy village. Wow, Dr. Williams That is impressive. Do you have anything you want to add to that?

Dr. Eric Williams

You know, I think that is really the biggest thing is that I really have. I realized that when I work with individuals, I work with couples, that is just something that has really jumped out for me, just give you a little bit of background about my history. And how interesting this has been for me, when I grew up, I didn’t necessarily come from a two parent home. My parents divorced when I was 13. And so the couples I saw around me,were not they weren’t married either. So I didn’t have the model. So when God spoke to me, and said, Hey, this is what you’re going to be doing. I I jumped on it. And it’s been ever it’s been great ever since. So for me the idea that I’m even working with couples, sometimes it amazes me because I’m I didn’t. But to be able to give it back and see that God is working through me to do it has been nothing more than nothing is sort of a blessing for me. And hopefully a blessing all the couples I work with.

Dr. O.

That’s awesome. That is awesome. There’s nothing like using our own pain, to to connect with people and being able to create opportunities for others to have what we what we were lacking ourselves. I think that’s awesome. Yes, yes. Yeah. And I know a lot about your work. So I can’t wait to get into some of that as well, because you do do a really good job in what you do.

Dr. Eric Williams

Yeah, thank you.

Dr. O.

You’re welcome. You’re welcome. And kind of, you know, really what I’d like to bring this direction take us to the direction of his toxic masculinity for today.Yeah, because it’s such a big issue, especially in the African American community. And Dr. Williams, I think, especially in situations like yourself, when it sounds like you did not grow up with a male figure in the home. And so it sounds like what we’ll just tell me like, what do you have any thoughts about what toxic masculinity means? And how that might be influenced by growing up without it outside of a two parent home.

Dr. Eric Williams

You know, the interesting about toxic masculinity is even even when we describe as toxic everybody or every males sense of masculinity, they have their their their similarities, but they all see them a little bit differently. So even when we talk about masculinity, there’s a difference in how I’m how many of them look at and some of them believe that believe they’re being very unique in what they do. And it turns out to be a lot of embracing some of the same things. So I work quite a bit with, you know, with couples, and sometimes I have general, you know, just males coming into counseling, what I realize is that they their sense of masculinity. Instead, for me, I don’t necessarily call it toxic. I try to soften the blow a little bit to kind of keep them engaged, but it’s really more so the underdeveloped and and when we peel back the layers and realize where they derive this from, oftentimes their stories are very similar to mine where you didn’t know what the best model or you may not have grown up with a model at all. And he kind of develop it as you go or you develop, develop it from other people maybe appears who may not know, either. So toxic masculinity just looks like someone’s like self preservation kind of say, Well, I want to be what I think I should be to fit into a certain situation that doesn’t necessarily play out very well. And it becomes emits a toxic relationship as a result.

Dr. O.

Wow. Wow, I love that. And I don’t think I’ve ever heard it put that way. And it makes good, it makes a lot of sense. Because when I think of something toxic, I think of it as poisonous, or almost like a combination of something really bad. But growing up without a dad, like, that’s not really bad. You know, that’s, that’s, that’s underdeveloped, like we’re underdeveloped. We’re missing something from our developmental stage, which impacts how we show up in the world. Absolutely.

Dr. Eric Williams

And so what happened is, you know, we to just ask just a little bit more his name, then we start listening to the music, obviously, thing. Yeah, our ideas about, you know, maybe certain celebrities have a sense of identity from that. And that, you know, in a sense, it’s not that I think people would strive to have a toxic sense of masculinity, it becomes toxic, really, in the way that it plays out in their everyday life. And so, it’s not that , I want to be toxic, it’s just that it manifests toxic based on the relationships that I have with the rest of the larger society. So, um, and help people realize that it is really kind of what I enjoy doing.
Dr. O.

Wow, that’s awesome. Dr. Williams, and I, you know, I, I just think it’s so natural for us to kind of go into go into this because, you know, you just told something to me that I didn’t even know, which is that your father actually wasn’t in the home. And, you know, you recall, at the end of 2019, was a very difficult time, I think, for both of us. I lost my dad in October, and we, he also was not a major part of my life. And it’s just because you reached out to me, and you sent your condolences. And I said, Thank you very much. And I think maybe a month later, or so, I found that you lost your dad.

Dr. Eric Williams

Absolutely.

So yeah, I’m glad you brought that up, because that’s something that I really don’t share a lot. And very few people know, but the relationship I had with my dad was one where, before my parents separated before they divorced, I could not stand my dad at all. And there was plenty to say that to my mom, because of the nature of their relationship is very alcoholism, just not there emotionally, and, you know, in, in the family. So I just kind of grew up kind of a good deal and thought about 13. Well, when they divorced, we had a better relationship after they divorced and where I would see my visit because we live across town still visit in a race, it became better as we got older. So so but that was from either of those old wounds that have never really healed, and it’s something I’ve never really talked about, really.

And I realized what a lot of guys, that is very much our story where have these wounds when these past relationships and we don’t necessarily seek out excuse me help. And it it, it drives how we interact with our own kids and spouses or any other ways that we have. So this is, you know, I’m glad you brought that up. Because I think a lot of ways whether you have a father in the home or not, you can still pick up some underdeveloped ideas. Be a man what it means to be a father and I see that.

Dr. O.

Yeah, yeah, I bet. Um, and I know, this is about, you know, toxic masculinity or underdeveloped masculinity. And also, you know, you’re speaking from a male’s perspective, but I just you hit on so many things as well, as a female, that I think we because we, I guess, you know, growing up in the household without a father, my situation was very similar.

But, you know, I think it had I think I ttracted to for a very, very long time, a certain type of man that fed that narrative.

Dr. Eric Williams

Right.

Dr. O.

And I’m wondering, do you see that a lot in your practice as well?

Dr. Eric Williams

Yeah. Yeah. You know, and it’s interesting. I just had a couple, just last night that we brought this up. So one of the Ask initially is, you know, for couples, when you first came into this relationship, or just in general, what is your ideal relationship?

The, the female that I was talking to last night actually mentioned that she was looking for someone that was more like her dad and that’s what she wanted.
And then, in return, I hear oftentimes, a lot of guys are saying in that same dynamic, they don’t feel like they measure up because that that person, that image that the, you know, the female or the weapon be looking for, is not awesome, too, because they didn’t grow up seeing it, whereas she may have and I think, you know, what you just mentioned is something very key that a lot of female, they do grow up with, I think for, for me being a father of a daughter of my three year old, the I think about it, how do I not say mistake, my daughter’s narrative to be, didn’t have that relationship. So I do hear that what you just mentioned. And that is something that oftentimes normal couples, I try to let them know that the work that we do is not about just getting you to to be in a better place. The Legacy I’m thinking about your kids, and I don’t share the same narrative that you’re sharing today. You didn’t see that example from your parents or other elders. I don’t want that to be their story, too. So the word important for their sake as well.

Dr. O.

Very good. Very, very good. Well, thank you for that. Um, so we’re gonna kind of change the, the title of this then toxic masculinity to underdeveloped masculinity, just in light of the wisdom that you’ve just shared with all of us. So what is the one thing that you wish black families knew? Like? I know, there’s a lot and you’ve been doing this for a while. But if you could just pick one thing? What do you wish we knew about underdeveloped masculinity?
I think, when and what kind of brain is from a couple standpoint, again, it’s kind of my mind is always thinking in relation to so couples.

Dr. Eric Williams

So one of the thing that I always think about is when males, and I’m kind of go from both sides, but for a lot of males that come into this, their own their sense of adulthood, a sense of being a man, to be aware that who you are, and how great you are, as a man is not something that I guess for both sides, it’s not something that you can self proclaim, and say, Look, you know, I’m the greatest man in the world, I can be, you know, I’m the best husband, I’m the husband of the year, or there’s no better husband than me, because that is a title that can only be granted to you based on the feedback you get from your partner. So everything I bring to a relationship is very relational. So you can have a million great ideas. But the one idea to hold on to is that it’s not so much integrate, isn’t the idea, a great idea is more so does this work for us? And so that’d be the one thing and for both male and female, really is you can have great ideas. But the real question is, does this work for my relationship? Or does it not work? And that means really closely scrutinizing everything, every detail that you’ve ever learned about what it means to be in a healthy relationship? Whether you watch Dr. Phil, he listened to you listen to Bernie brown whomever the real question, bring it back to my relationship. Does this work? versus does it not work? More so than Is it right? Or is it wrong?

Dr. O.

Very good. And, you know, just piggybacking off of that, because I know I’ve been very guilty of like, going to the experts, you know, like, all those people that you just mentioned. And that’s easy to do. Because, you know, when you haven’t had it, you’re searching for that connection, somebody please tell me. But sometimes even that doesn’t work. Yeah. So like, like, if it doesn’t work for for my relationship, you know? Yeah,
exactly. And a lot of times when we look these experts, because I feel the pressure, when couples come in and see me, the we look to these experts, because we want someone and a lot of ways to verify that what I’m saying is true, that what I’m putting in, and this is what you need to be doing, so we can be better. And reality a lot of times is these experts have a lot of great ideas, but a lot of times like to say well, that expert has good ideas, but they don’t know your relationship. And so the idea is take the information, bring it back to the relationship and then see if it works having this information more so than just implementing it without the other person actually co-signing on. So I try to really, you know, look at I don’t want to shun experts because I guess in some way, you know, you and I as counselors, they look at us first so we have

Dr. O.

You are. I just read your bio. And you’re like, on PopSugar… PsychCentral… you are an expert.

Dr. Eric Williams

Yeah. So the idea is just to make sure that people look, take this information home, don’t do because I said it, do it because you feel like it works for you. And that’s kind of the way, you know, a lot of couples. That’s the biggest advice I have. The one thing I’ve been missing.
Well, that’s good. I think that’s very humble of you. Because a lot of times, you know, being the expert in things, it’s easy for us to say, this is the solution. You know, and I know, even in business being in business is, you know, people want results. People want to know what will work, but I think there’s just so true and authentic of you to, to bring in the importance of, you know, just, let’s see if this works for you. And if it doesn’t, that’s okay.

Dr. O.

Absolutely. Um, is there a specific area around this, that you would say blacks, just really black families that you work with are black marriages that you work with, with really struggling?

Dr. Eric Williams

You know, the, this is gonna sound kind of weird, but I think the one focus that I like to look, what I like to get couples to get to, especially for for black couples is, it’s okay to say, “I don’t know what I’m doing.” Because people can get to that place in a relationship, then we can grow. Both people believe, or one person really believes I know what I’m doing. And you just got to come around to seeing this my way. And so we peel back the layers, as we talked about before, say, Hey, you know what, what you saw the kid growing up the ideas about what a healthy relationship was or what you did not see. And then when you start talking about how you develop your own sense of what you’re supposed to be, as a man or a woman, realize that, hey, you know what, I really didn’t have anything. That’s what you get in front of the guy. ” I really don’t know,” you know, some of us on TV, some of what I just, you know, just start up there. Now, I’ll get both of the real items that hey, ” you know, what? Is it fair to say that you really don’t know how to be the husband or the wife that this person needs to be?” And they both have one other. All right, great. Now we’re gonna start because yeah, no, we can get to that place. We can move on. I think both people just have to be humble enough, and wise enough, just say, Look, I don’t know what I’m doing. And want to get some help. And I want to be able to be the best husband or wife, I can be for you.

Dr. O.

Wow, awesome. I’m wondering, a lot of times when I when I hear about things that like this that come up now, I wonder how much of that might play into our history?
Because I can imagine, if you would get whipped, you know, you better know something. About how to solve something or whatever, if that was the consequence? Absolutely.

Dr. Eric Williams

Especially for male, this will kind of go back to the whole being a man and, you know, just for man to say I don’t know anything. Like, I don’t know how to do this by nature where all men, you know, for us, most of us at least, have been socialized to be, you know, fix it. Oh, yes. Oh, yeah, To fix this, oh, I don’t care what you might be telling me. Even if you say, look, I just need you to listen to me. I’m trying to fix that problem. And that may not be what you need. And so, or I’ve heard many times where the the idea is, this is just what you know, I just do what you know, men do the problem that because I’m not open to the idea of listening, because I must identify with the general role of what a man should be, or what a black man should be more so than ideal of what a husband to my spam. No, we’re trying to shift that paradigm a little bit. It’s just black man. I’m a husband to you know, my wife. I’m a husband too. You know, so I think that’s the biggest thing.

Dr. O.

And like you said, a lot of us are simply just growing up in households where that wasn’t there. Yeah, no, you don’t, you don’t have anybody to teach you. You don’t have anybody to show you. And it’s hard.

Dr. Eric Williams

It is. And it’s okay to just, you know, on one hand, we like to say yes, you know, especially black community. Yeah, that’s where I came from. I don’t necessarily see this, you know, I’m kind of, you know, I kind of came up through, you know, had a rough childhood. It was tough love. I got to th is place now, you know, I kind of, you know, pick myself up, pull myself up on bootstraps, and that’s great, to an extent, but when it comes to relationships you really only as good as your spouse looks.

Dr. O.

You’re only as good as your weakest link.

Dr. Eric Williams

Exactly.

Dr. O.

Yeah. Yeah. I’ve always wondered, you know, and I’m not perfect myself. But when you pull one of your partners down, you pull yourself down. Really?

Dr. Eric Williams

Absolutely. So, you know, I was horrible. In a husband. I was talking about like, Yeah, I did that. I had to learn like what does it mean to be, you know, a husband, but I didn’t know that was, you know, just time in bumped my head and realize going to counseling to maybe can throw this in there too that I think, like couples and black men has to know is that Yeah, we do need to go to counseling. Yes. No, like I would have to learn, you know, that I had to do some things better.

Dr. O.

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. It’s funny cuz this you gave your vulnerable moment. I’ll share you’ll probably think this is so funny. I used to date nothing but like drug dealers, like straight out, like, really tough, like gangster thug type men, and I’m not knocking those man, I love my black people. But to me, that was, I guess, toxic masculine masculinity. Let’s not even adjective masculinity, like, they know, were tough. They were respected, even though it was feared respect. They had money. And yeah, I thought that was living.

Dr. Eric Williams

You know, and that’s it. Like, honestly. I mean, I have spent time with, you know, like, brothers have sold drugs. And I’ve just been around a lot of people that I probably shouldn’t have been around that. If I had stayed in that setting, I probably would not be on this podcast right now. There probably be some docu series on Netflix at some point. But I think that’s kind of the what you were saying, you know, is the company’s places because this is kind of what we know, is what we see. You know, and I think a lot of times what I hear when I see couples come in, I see these young guys come in accounts, and I’m looking at him like, Man, you know, you could really be so much more, but I get the context in which your life is in right. Trying to work. A lot of us. I mean, I can judge any person that ever came in, because I’m like, Yeah, oh, that guy too. I know. Exactly. But that’s
absolutely.

Dr. O.

Yeah. Yes. Wow. Awesome. Um, are there any resources? That will be tangible? You mentioned, experts, of course, we’re going to talk a little bit about your practice in your course at the end. But are there any things that I don’t know, you know, maybe a Netflix series or, or a scripture verse, or anything that you could think could, you know, that families could rely on when they’re, when they’re going through a tough time?

Dr. Eric Williams

You know, I’m gonna try to keep this as short as possible, cuz I know sometimes I can get I get animated talking about these topics. Pretty much any relationship topic, I’m like, Yeah, I could talk about that, I could do that. I’m gonna try to talk about a couple things, I’m probably gonna leave some things out, because my mind is just kind of slipping through it all right now, but I think one of the the biggest things, that there was a resource I would ask people to really look at, it’s gonna sound kind of weird. It’s that read, you know, just get into audiobooks. And just to an array of books I listened to seeing from Brene Brown, the Millionaire Next Door. In my I’ve listened to social justice, a lot of different things Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell, like there’s a lot of information that is out here. And what you’d find is that the more you expand the way you think, the more you read about, about these, with these different texts, in the way you think, and once you expand the way you think, it really saves how you interact. And I put this file to myself that I’ve learned that, you know, Malcolm Gladwell in Outliers was talking about which he got from somebody else, but he was talking about the 10,000 hours. Think that’s 10,000 hours of practice before you become very proficient at something. A lot of psychologists but to expand on that a little bit more, it says not only is it just 10,000 hours of practice, but 10,000 hours of effective practice. Something that really needs to be more now there’s some some limitations to that. But obviously, like, like you lost sight right now, try to practice basketball, I will never be, you know, let’s say LeBron or anything. But when it comes to relationships fall are harder if I practice communicating over and I get better. The implication is, if I’m only married for a year, and I feel like hey, you know what, this is not working for me, I get out, then you haven’t practiced being married, married long enough to get better at this. And so this lesson that don’t Give up just because, you know, 1000 2000 hours of this is not really working for you. And a lot of times people don’t give up on marriage. Yeah. So expanded a little bit more, take more time. Don’t give up, go to counseling, learn how to keep quiet as communication skills, practice, setting your own boundaries, you got to become you have to do is consistently become better at it. So that’s just one thing that just reading that’s name of a book on relationships. It’s a book about outliers in society. But there’s messages in that that you can bring back to your relationship. So yeah, so that’d be one was just read just, you know, book like that I read. What’s her name’s Michelle Obama’s book “Becoming” great book. Great. Yes, yes. Anybody who thinks that their relationship is difficult, or your spouse works too much, or a woman, you give him your identity to support him and like, read it, it’s a great, great way to really kind of look at perspective on our relationship to So

Dr. O.

You mentioned something, I just want to expand upon it a little bit. It’s audiobooks, right?

Dr. Eric Williams

Yes, that’s right.

Dr. O.

For the longest time I thought that, you know, I was like, gosh, how do people have time to read? Like, how do people get this stuff done? Like, audio books has like changed Audible, I’m sorry, Audible, it has changed the industry for me. And it’s like a prescription of what like 14, something I didn’t get paid, endorse them or anything, but 14 something a month, and you can get a certain amount of credits, and you can get a new book. Oh, my gosh, when I’m dropping my kids off in the morning to school, when I’m going out, you know, with my friends are doing drop up with the grandparents. I just have that on in the car. And I will book in a week.

Dr. Eric Williams

Yes, that’s been a game changer for me. And I’ll tell you recommends a book, the first question. “Is that on Audioble?” Can I find that I’m driving consistently and I have, but I like reading I like new information. So I think being able to hear it while I’m driving is really, really helpful. So but don’t find themselves be very busy. Like I’m busy with school. Read a book, I get it.

Dr. O.

Exactly. And another thing you said too, is it doesn’t I mean, great to do relationships and experts, but you can listen to fun things. You know, you can listen to mysteries or documentaries or whatever, because all of that like feature break, you know, it stimulates you and gets you thinking a different way. about why
Exactly and even more. So now you have something else to connect with your spouse on. You can say, Hey, you know, this is something great today, you can have a dialogue in sometimes people thought they had to go out and spend a whole lot of money to connect with their spouse.

Dr. O.

No, you can do it right here. Yeah.

Dr. Eric Williams

We can read a book together we live together or we can come back and talk about it through our own little in house book club.

Dr. O.

Yeah,
Cool, awesome. Any other resources that you can think of?

Dr. Eric Williams

So that was definitely one. I would also say if you do nothing else, some people are like, I don’t have time to read, I don’t wanna read, you know, book. I just want to, you know, take the quickest way possible. I said, Look, just take the “Five Love Languages” quiz. So if you can go online and just type in Five Love Languages, www.fivelovelangues.com. Put that in, take the quiz. And then something I like to have couples do is you know, after you see what your love languages, or what’s your top score is because it’s five different ones right on the sheet of paper says, Look, I feel most loved when and then based on that love language for you be very specific, and then just write that down so that we know you kind of created a cheat sheet. Again, just cost you nothing at all. You just go on and almost create a cheat sheet.

Dr. O.

I’m gonna see if I can find that online and put that in the show notes. I’ve never done that. So I think that’s awesome.

Dr. Eric Williams

Absolutely. Awesome. Awesome. Because right now, I could probably list more, but, but I don’t wanna take over the whole podcast talking about resources.

Dr. O.

Oh, no, no, not at all. No, we are really grateful for your feedback. You’ve got a lot to offer. Um, I do want to shift our direction now into a segment of the show that we call “What’s Good.” So “What’s Good” is a part of the show where we apply this information into what would be a real life scenario for our listeners. Are you ready?

Dr. Eric Williams

Yeah, I’m ready.

Dr. O.

Okay, meet Johnny. Johnny is a single African American man who is 34 years old. He has a successful career as an entertainment lawyer and is in a jazz band that he works with on the weekends. While he enjoys his line of work and the life of an artist. He recognizes that he’s missing something in his life. He wants a partner to share his life with and grow old with. The problem is he’s never had a stable relationship that lasted more than six months. He has a very active sex life, and has slept with over 30 women in one month. he brags about that. Record often why yet his previous girlfriend of three months dumped him. Because she said he was not emotionally available, it was too quick to get angry. He dumped the girlfriend before that, because he was cheating and did not want to keep lying. He fears getting into another relationship, because he does not want to introduce the same pattern of behavior, but thinks if he gets professional counseling, it’s a threat to his manhood. Do you have any advice for Johnny?

Dr. Eric Williams

Wow. 30 women in 30 days!

Dr. O.

I changed the name, but I do know who’s been with 30 in one month?

Dr. Eric Williams

Wow, yeah. So you know, the one of the things that I hear a lot in this story, which I want to explore with him to really understand what is the function behind a lot of what he does, because he’s not, he’s a very, very busy guy. And he stayed and busy a lot of ways, I mean, working relationally sexually so busy, that there’s something behind why he, he stays still busy. Which, I mean, even on the weekends, he worked full time in a day, I mean, throughout the weekend in the visit, and you know, he finds time for relationships, and, and then the the point about him having, not being emotionally present that that jumped out. So come into counseling, which I can I could get, I don’t even know you fit it into a schedule, really. But, um, but what I would say is for him to really take inventory of really, and this is something that is almost like coaching, so to speak, but really to take inventory to look, you know, when I look at, you know, who I am, and my values is two thing, you know, what, one What do I value as a man? like what really meet the man? And then the other thing is, what is the legacy that I want to leave behind? And I think for him to really begin to envision both of those I will you know, my values, obviously, music is important. It sounds like the you know, the thing, say he’s a lawyer, lawyer, yes. So it so those things need to be there. But you know, I almost wonder, and it sounds bad to put it in this context. But almost wonder if the women that he’s having these relations with are being just used to help with something else. And in some way, he’s actually using these females to not help him to become whatever you call him, his vision is perfectly wrong. So to really, to really help him to really just sit down into, like, what do I really want to do? Who do I really want to become? What’s the legacy I want to leave behind to really focus in on that, and I think sometimes, him being as busy as he is, he doesn’t get enough time to really focus and really bring that into to a healthy picture that he can actually see. I think he’s just kind of, like kind of coping and that can be very difficult now,

Dr. O.

Is there anything that can be done to get Johnny to take the initiative on getting help? Like, maybe any stereotypes he might have that he needs to get past? or?

Dr. Eric Williams

Yeah, you know, I think sometimes the idea that counseling undermines the, the the manhood or the masculinity is oftentimes a challenging one to overcome. And I think for a lot of guys, that’s just the the nature of it. But you know, there are also situations or opportunities where, when males are able to, and this is a no way to, you know, to make him become a better person. But I think sometimes when I can think outside of myself, sometimes if I’m attached to something bigger than me, that says, hey, you know what, I’m a value to other people. Somebody like john may feel better if he was, you know, attached to maybe helping somebody else out so people, you know, a mentor for another, maybe perhaps a kid or a mentor for another professional, but hey, you know, what, that’s something that really keeps me grounded, left, they connected and so sometimes that becomes the reason and the incentive to really make sure I’m good that I work for somebody else. And so for him, I would say, you know, it’s, it’s to really help him really connect with something else and Nestle to help him realize that hey, you know, what, me being connected and my life really mattering to you know, whomever or to wherever entity now becomes even more reason to want to seek out help and in accounting at that point becomes more so naming, counting, maybe it’s just more coaching. Maybe he’s not for counseling right now. He may be just in the play for coaching. And then maybe what would be the Nestle and then maybe some coaching he can probably find out, Hey, you know what, maybe counseling may uncover some things. Okay.

Dr. O.

Very good. I like that. And I’ve learned that too by doing counseling and coaching, sometimes people are just more comfortable with coaching. It’s less of a stigma. You know, we’ve had coaches our whole life in high school, you know, on the sports team and in different areas. So I think, yeah, I love that. I love that. Well, Dr. Williams, you know, I can’t let you go without telling us all the work you do. So where can my listeners find you?

Dr. Eric Williams

Sure. So I’m on? Well, yeah, I’m all over the place. So my, to work with you? And then where can they find you online? How about that?

Okay, for my website is www.coastalfamilyservicespllc.com. In Coastal Family Services, PLLC you can go there, that that’s what my website is. See, blogs. But also you can see my availability for doing consulting work. I’m also on Facebook. So that’s another place where people if for those individuals that are like, you know what, I’m just not ready for counseling right now. I completely get on, you can find me on Facebook on a coastal premises. Join a paid I put a lot of positive inspirational information out. Yeah, that way people can see it. And you know, some people, I’ve actually found that people connect through that page as well, they’ll eventually want to come in for counseling. So that’s a that’s another way. And then our private group started a private group. It’s called thriving love for new lovers. It’s on. It’s also on Facebook. So and now it’s exclusively about couples work. So I put on just to help people really think about couples or post quest and just kind of generate some dialogue.

Dr. Eric Williams

And what happens is there’s a community of other people and couples, I mean, relationships, timing and talking about their relationship. So just it’s another way of just being able to get out to people to reach people and to, you know, it’s this kind of free, free help. So, okay, media. So just always follow in taking some tidbits, take it back to relationship bit and see if it works for you. And if it does great implemented or not, then
love that love that.

Dr. O.

Let’s go to coastal Family Services real quickly. Now that’s located in Fayetteville, but you provide counseling online, correct?

Dr. Eric Williams

Yes, I do online counseling. And by video as well as face to face, so Okay.
Want to have that as a barrier? I just want to make it very clear. You don’t have to come in the office Absolutely. drive all the way across the state if anybody in this state. With that remote access. Okay.

So yeah, being that we are counselors, licensed in the state of North Carolina, I can see anybody staying on Carolina as long as you’re willing to be online, or you want to come see me. And you live in Asheville, that’s fine, too. As long as

Oh, let me just be clear. And I don’t know if I hope it’s okay to ask this question. But are you in network? Which right here?

Dr. Eric Williams

I am. So I’m, I think being a favor, you just kind of just kind of have to be so obvious. Yeah. For for this area, I don’t see a whole lot when I work in that in the carry location. But I see a lot more track here in the business area, as well as military onesource. So I’m someone that panels what is Blue Cross Blue Shield?
Good. Awesome. Awesome. Very good. And last, but certainly not least, that couples course. So make connections, loving living and winning together. Please tell our listeners how to find that.

So that course is also and I put a link out on social media quite a bit. So I’ll definitely and I’ll give you a link at the end.
Okay. So show notes.

Dr. O.

Absolutely. We can still Google Soulmate Connections, or Soulmate Academy by Eric Williams, it’ll, it’ll come up that way too. Right now that web page is still being designed, but the link be active. So there’s a landing.

Very good. So we’ll make sure that we have that in the show notes. And I just can’t thank you enough, Dr. Williams, for all the information that you shared with our listeners today. I can imagine it was very down to earth. And it’s very refreshing to have someone who speaks like us who looks like us act like us to have such amazing wisdom and feedback. So thank you on behalf of all of our listeners for for coming and sharing your wisdom.
You know it no problem at all. I’m just grateful to be here. I’m glad you started platform. I’m happy to be here. I look forward to doing feature work with you.

Dr. O.

Sounds great. All right, you take care.

Yes, ma’am, you too. All right.

Dr. O.

Bye bye

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *