Welcome to the black Marriage and Family Therapy matters podcast where we connect black families to black therapist. On Mondays, you will receive direct therapeutic support from a licensed therapist or professional connected to the mental health field. They will provide therapeutic and educational resources to help you have a healthier relationship with your family members. On Wednesdays, you will receive direct tips and resources to help you get through the stuck places that prevent many people from having relationships with their families and significant others that they desire. On Fridays, we want you to visit our blog which can be found at WWW dot black MFT matters.com which holds additional resources and action steps that you can begin implementing immediately to improve your relationships. This is necessary because we love that you are listening. But we want you to take action to while you are there. Please grab our A to Z relationship bootcamp and be provided with the skills you need to immediately communicate better within your relationships. Please note that while the therapists on podcasts are therapists, they do not serve as your therapist unless you have signed a confidential agreement with them confirming that relationship. Thank you in advance for listening. And we hope you are inspired. All right. It’s time for the show. Here is your host, Dr. Connie Omari.
Dr. Connie Omari
Hey, hey, hey, and welcome to the black Marriage and Family Therapy matters podcast where we connect black families to black therapists. Today’s guest is Lorraine Leblanc.
Hey Laurine
Dr. Laurine Leblanc-White
Hi, Connie. How are you?
Dr. Connie Omari
How are you?
Dr. Laurine Leblanc-White
Great, great.
Dr. Connie Omari
Well, I don’t want to insult you by using your maiden name. I heard you just got married. So how do we introduce you correctly?
Dr. Laurine Leblanc-White
So it’d be Mrs. LeBlanc wife.
Dr. Connie Omari
There we go. Awesome. So let me introduce our amazing audience to you. Is that okay?
Dr. Laurine Leblanc-White
Yes, of course.
Dr. Connie Omari
Our right MRrs. Laurin Blanc is a licensed clinical mental health counselor. She has extensive experience in the mental health and emotional health field. She provides short term situational problem solving non medical walk around like counseling services to active duty military members and their families. Her professional background also includes Child and Youth behavioral counseling, along with clinical therapeutic services to children, adolescents and adults, adults with identified mental health diagnosis is as a mental health counselor, new author of the book, unapologetically resilient conference speaker, business owner, wife and mother of three, she still has found time for education. She is pursuing a PhD in education and leadership. Wow. Do you think do you think that is awesome? So tell me what kind of got you into this because you clearly have a lot of experience in doing this type of work.
Dr. Laurine Leblanc-White
So they say that 70% of people that are in the mental health field have experienced trauma themselves. So we have a spirit of healing Yeah, long time ago. And I was like, You know what, this is why I’m so drawn to this profession. I’ve always had that spirit of wanting to help people. And even if I had like, my stuff wasn’t together, I always want to help someone else. So yeah, so that’s what brought me here is experiencing a whole slew of traumatic events myself, ranging from, you know, molestation, abuse, mental abuse, bullying. I mean, all types of an array of things, which led me to this profession.
Dr. Connie Omari
Awesome. Awesome. Well, first of all, thank you for sharing that I always appreciate when our therapists come on the show, and they want to be vulnerable. Because a lot of times I think people have this perception that, well, you’re educated. You have your own business. You’ve written a book, there’s no way that you know what I’m going through.
Dr. Laurine Leblanc-White
Absolutely. The exact opposite. Absolutely. Yeah. And I feel like the more stuff we go through, the more helpful we are to the individual. So yeah, we have the misconception that we’re superheroes and haven’t been through anything. I’ve heard that before. But yeah, that’s far from the truth.
Dr. Connie Omari
Yeah, not the case. So you wrote a book?
Dr. Laurine Leblanc-White
Yes. I did. Unapologetically resilient. Yes. So I mean, can I assume that that might be some of your testimony that you’re referring to?
Definitely. Oh, I talked about and I talked about a slew of things that I’ve been through how I got out of it, and how God was literally the person behind everything. Because there was a point in my life where I felt like he left me, I felt like you’ve got to where were you? When a lot of these experiences were happening, but, you know, sometimes in the quietest moments is where we know that God is working the hardest, right? So he’s never left me. And everything just all worked out for me. So yeah. And I became resilient. And I felt like I needed this book.
Dr. Connie Omari
Yeah, that’s awesome. That’s awesome. So I think that you’ve already touched on something that we see a lot in the show, and I think is going to be very helpful to kind of clarify, because you’re clearly you’re clearly a therapist, working on your PhD. So you value the sciences. Yes. Importance of God is ever present. Can you tell me a little bit more about that?
Dr. Laurine Leblanc-White
Yes. I mean, oh, my goodness. And for people not to understand God for them for themselves is, is I don’t know, I’ve experienced him so much to the point where I know that he’s real. And I understand the perspective of there’s no God, there’s only a science and I’m like, maybe they haven’t experienced him on the level yet that I’ve experienced.
Dr. Connie Omari
I wonder as soon as I think to like, I think I don’t have heaven to hell to invite to, but sometimes to see what people say, like, either you and I think it’s one or two things, either, you have not been experienced by God you like, either you haven’t experienced it had your experience with God, or you haven’t had your experience with God yet?
Dr. Laurine Leblanc-White
Yes, exactly. Yeah. Okay, wait a minute. This just has to be it has he’s here. You know, he’s real. And I had too many of those experiences, not to know to, not to believe it. Yeah.
Dr. Connie Omari
But yet, you’re still in your profession. And you’re still people through the physical sciences.
Dr. Laurine Leblanc-White
Yeah. Because, you know, what God said, is faith without works is dead. So not only relying on the faith, but rely on the work and I feel like as therapists we do the work, right. So essentially, it’s like believing that you know, only believe in God, and I go to the doctor’s doctor. You know, Faith without works is dead. So God wants you to use him, but he also wants you to utilize other people as well. Oh, yeah, that part? Yeah.
Dr. Connie Omari
One thing in your book that I know, we don’t want to give us a spoiler. But is there something that just stands out? That is a person read it or when they read it? There? They will definitely walk away with knowing more about God in general.
Dr. Laurine Leblanc-White
Yeah, look, so I had a moment where it was before my friend passed away. And she was excited about some of her new journey. She’s going to move to rally and she just started a new job. And I was sitting on the couch with her. And I felt the Spirit say, tell her you love her. Right? And we had a friendship, but it wasn’t like that friendship where you like, Hey, girl, love you. And I say this to all my friends. But some friends you don’t you just don’t say that to so instead of me being obedient to the sphere, I just looked at her and we just had this weird calls like your lips looking at each other because I knew I was gonna say something but I never said it. So she’s looking at me like girl looking at and why are you looking? Like that thrown with you. And that was the last time I saw her.
So like, I saw it, I saw you post about did you make a post about this?
I think I may. I may have I don’t remember that. But I may have I definitely wrote that in my books I will never forget. And that’s what I like. That was like one of the moments when I knew God was real. I was like, Man, he’s real. Like, I don’t like for something to tell me tell her you love her. And this last time I see her. So like that taught me like one or two things like be obedient to God because when he talks to you listen and DO what He tells you to do. To to like, He knows your begin and end date. Like he knows when you’re about the past. Like there’s an expiration date there. And he knew in that moment, that was the last time I was going to be with her. And I’m like and once you have like one or more experiences like that is what like finances there.
Dr. Connie Omari
I mean, God is natural honey, like the sciences. Okay, like I love it. Um, what’s one thing you wish black families knew about being resilient?
Dr. Laurine Leblanc-White
You know what I think? I black families have the concept that we have to be strong all the time, right? But in order to be resilient, you have to be vulnerable to be open. And then when you feel that resistance of I don’t want to change I don’t want to be open and that’s where the work needs to come in. So that’s all deaf.
Dr. Connie Omari
Oh, good. Yeah, a lot of times we fight back Things like tears. Yes, yeah. When a conversation is difficult, we walk away. Yes.
Dr. Laurine Leblanc-White
Yeah, there’s always a resistance there. And once you like, kind of push through that resistance, you’re open to healing. And then on the other side of that there, there is best when you become resilient.
Dr. Connie Omari
What you say about our history, specifically slavery, where being vulnerable was dangerous. Oh, my goodness.
Dr. Laurine Leblanc-White
Yeah. Yeah, like being vulnerable was was was, it was it was dangerous. We have to basically do what the slave master told us to do show no motions, we had to be strong. And in a way, it’s been embedded in us. It’s trauma field, and it’s in our genes to be that way. For instance, I read an article about a guy I don’t know where I got it from. And his daughter ransom after he she was rate of rate by slave master. Instead of comforting her, he slapped her he hit her, because he couldn’t do anything about that. You know, he in that moment, he didn’t have his manhood. Step up and see if his daughter so at fault, instead of COVID. Wow, yeah. We’ve been taught the unhealthy.
Dr. Connie Omari
And that to me sounds like, what’s the difference between somebody raping one of our daughters in the church? Right? We brushing it under the rug, or we say, oh, that couldn’t happen, because that’s pastor so and so or Deacon, you know, so so?
Dr. Laurine Leblanc-White
Yeah. So we’re doing that now? Yes, we are. In a sense, we’re like, okay, you know, be quiet about it. Shut up about it don’t don’t know.
Dr. Connie Omari
He’s, you know, a pastor.
Dr. Laurine Leblanc-White
Yeah. And it’s like, in our own homes, like, even the uncle order order, Dad, that’s doing it to the kids. I mean, let’s not talk about it. We don’t want to look bad on people. I mean, but it’s killing us. And I’m inside.
Dr. Connie Omari
Where do you see black families struggling the most with resilience?
Dr. Laurine Leblanc-White
Oh, man, we’re struggling with multiple resilience. Because first, we’re not identifying or wanting to admit that we need to help, right? So we’re not being able because resilience is not something that we’re born into something that we become right, in order to become resilient, we have to go through a chain of events. First is a meeting. So first with a man Okay, I do have a problem, right? I’m not weak, because I say that I have a mental health issue, or you know, that I need some type of spiritual guidance, or I need something right. Right. Once we open our mouth in a minute, then we can get to the healing part of it. And then we can get to the side of resilience. So that’s the piece that we’re missing.
Dr. Connie Omari
One of the things that I’ve noticed, and I’m curious about your feedback is, you know, and I’m in my own season of it, but sometimes we get to a place in life where we, we don’t want adversity, right. Yeah, whatever city and I’m like, but if you don’t have adversity, then how do you become resilient, like, you need the problem before you can find your strength.
Dr. Laurine Leblanc-White
I love how you said that. And it’s why I’m tired. Try to tell a lot of people that prepare for the storms, right? Like just kind of like an eagle, the ego he prepares for the storm, right? He knows this coming. And he kind of he tries to Rise, Rise above it, he doesn’t run away from it. And as human beings, we have to understand that adversity is coming, whether we like it or not, it’s how we it’s how we perceive it. It’s how we view the adversity. And that’s what we can different.
Dr. Connie Omari
Yeah. What are three resources that you think are I always say three, but it can be less, but do you know of any resources that people can turn to black people can turn to to kind of help them be more resilient?
Dr. Laurine Leblanc-White
Oh, yeah, definitely. Another black therapist.
Dr. Connie Omari
That part
Dr. Laurine Leblanc-White
I always say like, I always say a some type of spiritual guide like, for me, my everything you know, so spiritual guide, a therapist, a life coach. Those are that I think those were black people can turn to but if you’re saying hey, I don’t have the money, what can I go? I can’t afford a therapist. You know, there’s people that do it for pro bono also, podcast. Hello YouTube, like, I mean, there’s coaches all over the place. So utilize everything that you can utilize.
Dr. Connie Omari
Yes, is there anything that you’ve read or listened to recently, maybe a podcast other than this one that might inspire people?
Dr. Laurine Leblanc-White
Yours is definitely one of the top but like, Yes, girl I love. I listened to a lot of sermons like I love Steve. I love coil of air. Steve Steven, he’s out of Raleigh. who’ve heard it.
Dr. Connie Omari
Yes, he’s As I watched him on YouTube, he has a podcast. He just has a YouTube channel. Yeah, yeah, he’s very inspirational. Yeah.
Dr. Laurine Leblanc-White
Sarah Jacobs rock Roberts.
Dr. Connie Omari
Now that girl has an anointing on her. And you talking about adversity
Dr. Laurine Leblanc-White
and been through a whole lot, you know, like so she can come out of it become resilient.
Dr. Connie Omari
You can you know exactly. I love that. Yes. Yes.
Dr. Laurine Leblanc-White
Those to name a few.
Dr. Connie Omari
What is a common myth that you think black people hold about resilience that you just really wanted to buck?
Dr. Laurine Leblanc-White
Hmm. That they can’t get there.
Dr. Connie Omari
That’s all always be this way.
Dr. Laurine Leblanc-White
Yeah, it will always be this way. And okay. Like it’s, it’s like it’s okay to fake the funk. Right. But a lot of times as black people we learn to mask so much that we’ve got good at it. Right. So where we look good on the outside on the inside, we are a wreck. Yes, yeah. So like, they just become okay with it. Like, okay, as long as on the outside, I look good. I’m not really worried about inside. But the myth, that’s a myth. That’s a huge myth. It is. So important, equally important to work on the inside.
Dr. Connie Omari
Well, we’re one of the biggest consumers in the country, and we make like the least amount of money, girl, so girl, we will get our hair and our nails done. But we’ll go home to a man that beats us.
Dr. Laurine Leblanc-White
Your addition to do that, you know, I’m saying we’ve been conditioned, no matter how we feel physically, like and I hate to say it, but like we have people that are like, extremely unhealthy. But their hair and nails are done. So we’re not physically taking care of ourselves. We’re not mentally taking care of ourselves when we look good. We’re not we’re not investing in it. And a lot of people are saying I can’t afford it. But yes, you can. Those nails are done every two weeks. So that’s a session. What?
Dr. Connie Omari
Yes, yes. It let me just show this real quick. I think I’m moving well, you can’t see it. But I’m showing the reading like my pack of nails. I mean, yes, I just show her some lime green nails. I know the audience can’t see it. But I put some glue on them bad boys and stick the bad boys on for like, a couple of hours here. Oh, yeah, yes. And I kind of, you know, if you want to invest in a manicure, and, you know, a professional thing you can but I’m just saying like, there’s ways that you can go about doing it and budgeting your money. So that maybe for those nails, you know, now you can’t afford a therapy session.
Dr. Laurine Leblanc-White
You know, my thing was a couple years ago, were like, lashes girl had to get them every two weeks. And I was like learning what’s wrong with you? Like, you don’t need to do that.
Dr. Connie Omari
Yeah, right, right. And another thing and I know, and I’m not trying to throw any shade, but I think this is a very important time to kind of insert this. Like, if you ever want to see some of the nicest cars and vehicles, you can like drive through the projects.
Dr. Laurine Leblanc-White
It was a trailer with a BMW. I’m like Lord, like, yes. So where are you investing in? And it’s just because it’s that outside image, like, you know, when they go out of town, or they go to the city, it’s that outside image. It’s just, in fact,
Dr. Connie Omari
I can see when people buy clothes to go out of town. I’m like, I don’t even know your regular clothes. Go to the beach.
Dr. Laurine Leblanc-White
You know, and it’s I had someone tell me like, why are you? Why are you? Why do you have like these high end shoes or heels? And I was like, Well, like I you know, you live in New York, Fayetteville or you know, at the time was in favor. I’m in Stanford, now. You can buy these things and live anywhere, you know, like I, you know, just had a misconception?
Dr. Connie Omari
Yeah, just because you live in a small area doesn’t mean that you don’t have a big reach or that you don’t? Yeah, yeah. So and if that’s definitely anybody’s toes, you know, I mean, we’re being we’re being a little sarcastic. But the point is, you know, we want to if you put that type of investment in your mental health, as your physical health or your physical appearance, because like you pointed out a lot of us aren’t even working on our physical health, then that energy and that investment will will be better well spent.
Dr. Laurine Leblanc-White
It really will in the long in the long run. In the long run, it really will. And it will, it helps not just you but it helps you to do generations to come. family doesn’t realize that the mental health starts with the Patriot Act and the march Iraq’s the moms and dads like it trickles down. Like you have the ability to stop generational curses to keep your mental health in check.
Dr. Connie Omari
Absolutely. Absolutely. Well, we’re coming to a point in this show. Lorraine, where it’s called what’s good. And what I do is give a hypothetical situation and I propose that for you and I give you an opportunity to use your clinical insight To help us through it. Does that okay? Yeah, yeah, definitely. Good, neat. Jane. Jane is a young African American woman who is very ambitious and into supporting and helping underserved populations of Jane has found herself in a crisis situation that has led to an investigation that causes her to question her purpose in her relationship with God. How would you advise her to tap into her God given strengths and talents to be resilient, while helping her to still keep the faith and courage to do what she knows that God has called her to do?
Dr. Laurine Leblanc-White
Yeah, that’s big. You know, a lot of times when we’re doing God’s work, the enemy will come in, right? The enemy comes to confuse a story, anything that has anything to do with God’s will. So I would want I would try to tell her that you know, do your best not to allow anything to interfere with God’s word, right? So you have the ability to stand on God’s word. And use that as your power in your mind. And understand that adversities are going to come. Challenges aren’t going to come, but when we are doing his work, nothing’s going to stop you. We may be deterred, right? We may have to go another way around the route that we would like to, but you’re going to ultimately get God’s work, work accomplished.
Dr. Connie Omari
And you go, awesome, awesome, awesome. Well, we do appreciate that Loreen. Before we go, I want to make sure that you’ve left our audience with as much information about where we can buy your book or where we are where we can find you online. So let us know how do we find you?
Dr. Laurine Leblanc-White
All right, so Laureen co.com. So Liu, R I and II CEO. My book is also on Amazon. Laurine LeBlanc, unapologetically resilient, this book has helped so many people, you guys read the reviews?
Dr. Connie Omari
I’m sure. Oh, that’s awesome. I’m actually gonna get me a copy myself. I’m also gonna live leave a link to those books in our show notes. So if you can just go there, you can find it as well. Are there any final words you’d like to leave with our audience?
Dr. Laurine Leblanc-White
I mean, you guys being resilient doesn’t happen overnight, but it can happen. And once you start mind shifting, don’t believe that you cannot get to where you want to be.
Dr. Connie Omari
You’re telling yourself there you go. Awesome. Well, thank you so much for your time. You’ve been a pleasure. And I wish you a wonderful day. Thank you for joining us.
Dr. Laurine Leblanc-White
Thank you. Thank you, doctor. Bye.
Dr. Connie Omari
Thank you for listening to this episode of The Black Marriage and Family Therapy matters podcast, where we connect black families to black therapists. Since you’ve listened all the way through, come on in and join the family. If you haven’t done so yet, please join our free community where we offer weekly trainings and monthly giveaways. We can be found on Facebook under the black marriage and families matter Facebook group. And since you’re serious about joining our family, we also invite you to join our all and campaign which signifies your commitment to go all in not only for yourself, but in helping us reach more people by downloading this podcast wherever you are listening to it, leaving us a review and subscribing to our YouTube channel. This really helps us reach more people and change more lives. After all, Dr. Martin Luther King once said, we can all get more done together than we can apart. With that said, I want to encourage you to share this episode with just three other people that you think might also benefit from our community, and what we are offering with the hopes that all of you can join our all in campaign. When you’re done, simply click the link all in campaign in the bio and receive a free copy of my course entitled goodbye toxicity, which is valued at $297. This course will help you to work through some of the difficult experiences that arise in most of our relationships. And it’s completely free to you with your commitment to join our all in campaign. We look forward to connecting with you every Monday and Wednesday. Thanks for listening. Thank you for listening to this episode of The Black Marriage and Family Therapy matters podcast where we connect black families to black therapists. Since you’ve listened all the way through, come on in and join the family. If you haven’t done so yet, please join our free community where we offer weekly trainings and monthly giveaways. We can be found on Facebook under the black marriage and families matter Facebook group. And since you’re serious about joining our family, we also invite you to join our All ad campaign, which signifies your commitment to go all in not only for yourself, but in helping us reach more people by downloading this podcast wherever you are listening to it, leaving us a review and subscribing to our YouTube channel. This really helps us reach more people and change more lives. After all, Dr. Martin Luther King once said, we can all get more done together than we can apart. With that said, I want to encourage you to share this episode with just three other people who you think might also benefit from our community, and what we are offering with the hopes that all of you can join are all in campaign. When you’re done, simply click the link all in campaign in the bio and receive a free copy of my course entitled goodbye toxicity, which is valued at $297. This course will help you to work through some of the difficult experiences that arise in most of our relationships. And it’s completely free to you with your commitment to join our all in campaign. We look forward to connecting with you every Monday and Wednesday. Thanks for listening!