Hoovering, also known as “emotional vacuuming,” is a manipulation tactic used by some individuals to try to suck their former partner back into a relationship or attempt to regain control over them. The term “hoovering” is named after the vacuum cleaner brand, as the intention is to suck their former partner back into their life.
Hoovering can take many forms and is often used by individuals with narcissistic or borderline personality disorder. It can involve sending texts, emails, or social media messages, leaving voicemails, or showing up unexpectedly at their former partner’s workplace or home.
Here are some signs that you may be experiencing hoovering:
- Constant Communication: Your ex-partner is frequently contacting you through various means, including phone calls, texts, emails, and social media messages. They may be trying to rekindle the relationship or convince you to take them back.
- Flattery and Charm: Your ex-partner may use flattery and charm to try to win you back. They may promise to change their ways, shower you with compliments, and tell you how much they miss you.
- Guilt and Pity: Your ex-partner may try to make you feel guilty or sorry for them. They may tell you about how miserable they are without you or how much they need you in their life.
- Boundary Violation: Your ex-partner may show up at your home or workplace unexpectedly, despite you having made it clear that you don’t want to see them. They may also try to gain access to your social media accounts or monitor your online activity.
If you suspect that you’re being hoovered, it’s important to take steps to protect yourself. Here are some tips:
- Establish Boundaries: Be clear with your ex-partner about what behaviors are unacceptable, and communicate your boundaries firmly and assertively.
- Cut Off Contact: Consider blocking their number, email, or social media accounts to prevent them from contacting you. If necessary, change your phone number or email address.
- Seek Support: Talk to friends, family members, or a therapist about your experiences. They can offer emotional support and help you develop strategies for dealing with hoovering behavior.
- Stay Safe: If your ex-partner is showing up unexpectedly, take steps to ensure your safety, such as installing security cameras, changing locks, or notifying the police if necessary.
In conclusion, hoovering is a manipulation tactic used by some individuals to try to regain control over their former partner. If you’re experiencing hoovering, it’s important to establish boundaries, cut off contact, seek support, and stay safe. Remember that you have the right to protect yourself and your emotional well-being.
If hoovering is affecting you, or someone that you trust, help is available to you today.