We’ve all been there. You’ve had something very pressing on your mind and all you wanted to do was get your partner to hear you. But for whatever reason, maybe your partner is too busy, or the information is too sensitive, but you struggle with being able to convey your hearts desire to your partner. Here are a few strategies which should help make this experience better for you.
First, choose an appropriate setting. Right before an intimate encounter with your spouse, is probably not the best time to let your partner know that you are concerned about your finances. Instead, choose a time and space where you will both have an opportunity to be open and honest about your feelings and your perspective of your needs. Examples of this include opportunities where the children are not around or where other loved ones will not be able to hear your conversations.
Next, ask if it’s OK to have a conversation. Just because something is important to you at this time, doesn’t mean that your significant other is in the headspace to be able to entertain a serious conversation. If you talk with your partner without their permission, you might find yourself further frustrated if they are not emotionally available to provide you the support that you’re looking for. Instead, by asking for permission to speak with the other person, you are agreeing to have the conversation and therefore, the other person will likely be more open to hearing your perspective from your point of view.
If possible, sit beside your partner instead of across from your partner. Sitting beside your partner shows the level of solidarity as we are sitting across from your partner might give the body language of confrontation. If the conversation will already be sensitive, you want to make sure that you do as much as possible to break down your partners tendency to be defensive because that will prohibit any effective communication from occurring. Since the goal should be to come to a solution, and not necessarily to win the battle, sitting beside your significant other as opposed to across from your significant other will aid in this process.
Be direct. A lot of times, life‘s battles are simply that, life‘s battles. They must be addressed. Often times, by beating around the bush, we confuse our significant others and we don’t speak authentically from our hearts. By being direct, you give your partner a concrete understanding of what your concerns are in a way that’s not debatable because your perspective is not undated with a lot of fluff. It’s better to let your partner know specifically what your needs are, as opposed to being vague about them and getting angry when they are not being met.
Do not nag. I know that’s a hard one. Especially for women. But we have to understand that when we nag our partners, it further makes them not want to meet our demands. The reality is, if a person is not doing what you ask him to do, chances are it’s not because they don’t know that you want them to do it, they just have some other reason for not doing it. Maybe they don’t have the money, the time, or the interest to do what you are asking of them. By nagging them, you are further making them not want to fulfill your demands. It’s not that your needs are not valuable, but rather the person does not see the value in what you are requesting at that time, at least not for them. Instead of nagging them to do your request, focus on how you might be able to deal with their limitations and abilities to meet your requests. If you believe in a higher power, it’s also helpful to tap into supernatural forces to sustain you while your significant other is unable to do so.
Use “I” statements. Nobody wants the finger pointed at them. When you remind your partner that “they never do what they say they are going to do,” you put the pressure on them and when people feel pressured they become defensive. Instead, why not say something to the effect of “I feel pressured when you don’t listen to me.“ That positions you back into a position of power, because the only person who can describe how you feel is you. In doing so, the other person is going to be more open to hearing your perspective because their guard since the emphasis is no longer on them.
Listen in the same way that you want to be listened to. This is probably one of the hardest things to do because when we have something on our mind, we really want to be hurt. But one of the main principles of the law of attraction is putting out what you want to receive in return. If you want your partner to listen to you, you’re going to have to listen to your partner as well. In doing so, not only are you being respectful of your partner, but you are also modeling how you want your partner to respond to you.
Relationships are so complicated and communicating is part of the reason why. If you need professional help with communicating with your partner, we are happy to support you.