How to talk to your Spouse about Racism

This article provides information on how to discuss the sensitive issue of racism in a marriage relationship.

Marriage is a wonderful institution that is intended to bring two people together for the rest of their lives. But sometimes, marriage can be tough. One issue that may come up in your relationship with your spouse is racism. Below, you will find tips on how to talk to your spouse about racism so you can have an active and healthy dialogue about this topic and work together as a team to find solutions.


Be aware of your own biases and stereotypes. This requires honesty and insight about your own stuff and it will be necessary to understand before you start confronting other people about theirs.


Listen to what the other person is saying without interrupting or judging them. Whether you agree or not, their opinion is just as important as yours and it’s important to take this into consideration when having serious dialogues such as this.


Find common ground – talk about how you both want to be more understanding in the future, rather than focusing on past mistakes.


Role-play different scenarios with each other about how you would prefer situations to be handled regarding race in the future. Use real life scenarios and ofter practical and realistic solutions.


If you’re feeling angry or upset after a conversation, take some time for yourself and come back when you’re calmer. It’s almost never a good idea to confront someone when you are actively angry in the moment so take the time that you need to take so that you can return to this conversation in a better spirit and with a more positive perspective.


Remember that this isn’t just a one-time conversation and keep coming back to it. This can be said of almost every serious topic. Don’t make the mistake of halfway addressing something but not following through with promoting long-term change regarding serious issues.


Talking about racism can be really tough. It’s a difficult, emotionally charged topic that can get the best out of even the best of us. But if your spouse is making racist comments or believes in things like “reverse racism,” or stereotypes such as black women bring “baby mama drama,” or black men are “thugs,” then it might be time for some serious conversations. The best way to approach this type of issue is to follow the tips above. If you find that your challenges are bigger than this, it may be time to get professional help. We would be happy to get started on this together—contact one of our black therapist today.


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