How to Fight Fair

Communication in any marriage is difficult. These three tips should help.

It’s no secret that relationships are difficult. In fact, the divorce rate is currently around 40% -50%, That’s less then it has been in years past, but still relatively high when compared to other countries.


Despite the relative higher divorce rates, most people do not look forward to getting one. This encourages many people to stay in marriages where they are unhappy,  or avoid marriages altogether.


If you would like to experience marriage, and reduce your likelihood of divorce, here are a few strategies that can assist you.


In order to reduce your chances of divorce, you have to know how to fight fair.


Use “I statements”. As the name implies, “I statements” are statements that begin with the letter”I”. These are important because anytime you have conflict with someone, you want to reduce the likelihood that they will feel attacked. When you begin your statement which the letter “I,” you take the emphasis off of them and place it on you. This makes it harder for the other person to feel as if you are trying to attack them and they will be more likely to hear what you have to say. Here is an example.

Instead of saying, “ you make me mad when you don’t come home on time,” try this, “ I feel sad when I have to worry about what time you’ll be home because I don’t want your dinner to be cold.” By beginning your statement with the letter, “I,” the other person cannot dispute the facts of what you’re saying because the emphasis is on you and not them.


Apologize when you’re wrong. This one consistently gets people, because people often fight with the emphasis of being right, instead of being nice. When you are more concerned with being right as opposed to being nice, you often block people from wanting to communicate with you or negotiate with you. Besides, if you can admit when you are wrong to your spouse, your spouse will be more likely to admit when they have wronged you. But even if they don’t do so, it doesn’t give you the right not to. Basically, it’s a way that you can validate another person’s perspective and help them to know that they matter. It’s also the mature thing to do.


Give your partner the benefit of the doubt. Believe it or not, most people don’t want to cause you problems, including your spouse. If your partner makes a mistake and hurts you, there’s a large likelihood, that they didn’t mean to do so. Unless it’s clear that they intentionally meant you harm, chances are they genuinely didn’t mean to hurt you. Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt and hope for the best during your next fight. After all, you’re not perfect either.


There’s no doubt that relationships are very stressful. But the better you are able to fight fair in your relationships, the better the relationships will be. Hopefully, these tips will help you get in tiptop shape to handle your next argument. For more support, please contact one of our therapist.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *