A recent study found that 20% of men and 13% of women admitted to engaging in a sexual relationship outside of their marriage on at least one occasion. Within the report, it was determined that most men engaged in an extramarital affair due to the desire to want to have sex with someone other than their wife. This had no reflection on how they felt about their wife or the relationship. To the contrary, most women who engaged in a sexual affair outside of their marriage, reported dissatisfaction in their marriage. Therefore, though men continue to engage in infidelity at a higher rate than women, when women are unfaithful, this poses the biggest threat on a marriage.
Nonetheless, infidelity is challenging and has adverse affects on many marriages. Here are a few tips to assist you through it, should you experience infidelity in your marriage.
Take a vacation. Sometimes, staying in the same place can be challenging after learning of an affair. Seeing the same people, same lifestyle, and the same environment, can remind you of the pain that you felt after learning of your partner’s infidelity. It can also lend to feelings of hopelessness, almost as if it reinforces the notion that your life is bad and will not change. To take control of this, change your environment by booking a vacation, even if it’s only for going to the beach for a weekend or booking a hotel in a different city. You will be exposed to a different setting that provides a safe place to encounter your emotions. Vacations can also help you return to your own environment with a fresh perspective.
Engage in self care.Find something you like. Whether it’s getting a message, getting your hair and/or nails done, or talking to a friend whom you haven’t spoken to in a while, you deserve to do something that makes you feel good.
Be careful about with whom you disclose. It’s true what they say “Misery Loves Company.” If you tell disingenuous people about your situation, they might seek more pleasure than you intended at your expense. What might be an opportunity for you to release the pain that is building inside of you, might open an opportunity for someone else to be judgmental about what YOU need. People have a way of knowing what YOU NEED TO DO but have no idea what THEY NEED TO DO.
Don’t make a rushed decision. There’s no doubt that discovering infidelity is painful. But deciding to stay too soon can lend the message that it’s okay for your spouse to cheat on you. Deciding to leave to soon, prevents you from seeing if this situation can be resolved. Simply be present. Experience the feelings. Be patient.
Meet other people. After learning about your partners infidelity, it’s easy to feel alone. By socially meeting other people, especially if you can do so without emotionally getting involved, you are opening up an opportunity to meet others and heal from the betrayal. Just because one person betrays you, does not mean that others will . By giving yourself an opportunity to meet other people, you can break down barriers which typically arise after emotional betrayal and live the life that you deserve.
Find a therapist. It’s okay to get help to support you through one of the biggest challenges you will probably every experience in your marriage. We have trained and qualified professionals who are here to do just that.