Episode #60: How to Survive Infidelity

Dr. Connie Omari:

Hello, hello, hello! This is Dr. Omar here. So first of all, let me thank you, okay, for taking the time to watch this video. I know that if you’re watching this, there’s a good chance that either you or somebody you care very much about has, unfortunately, been in a situation where there’s been an affair. And let me just start by letting you know that I know it’s very, very painful. But it’s very, very hard to even talk about or think about any of these things. So let’s just go ahead and kind of talk a little bit about the three things that I want you to do after you discover an affair.

Okay, the first thing I want you to be mindful of—and be sure, I guess I should have said not to do it—is don’t blame yourself. You’re not too fat, you’re not too ugly, your sex isn’t too bad, you’re not too much of a mommy, and you’re sad because your body changed. I mean, there are all types of reasons men cheat, but none of them is because of this, or at least if it is, that shouldn’t be your stuff. So by all means, try not to blame yourself, okay? You are not responsible for the choices that other people make. Even your husband or significant other. So don’t blame yourself. Number three, state your bottom line. You know, essentially, I’m sorry, number two, can you be counted as number two? Only, you know, okay. What you can deal with, if this is something that you can handle, if this is something you cannot handle, but do not make excuses, know your worth, and when you’re making these decisions about whether or not to stay, make a commitment and stick with it.

The last thing you want to do is say something like, Oh, if you do this again, I’m going to leave, and then he turns around and does it again, and you don’t wait. Okay? So you want to be thinking about that. Also, be honest with yourself. Okay? And, like, literally, is this something that you can handle? Is this something that you can’t handle? Only, you know, literally, okay. Finally, number three, I want you to do something you enjoy: watch a Netflix movie, get your nails and hair done, start a new craft or hobby, get a massage, anything to get you in a space where you feel better. You know, you want to be in a good space, okay? And you want to take care of yourself, especially when you’re hurting. So listen, I know these things are very, very hard to do.

There are so many different things that you can do. And there are so many different ways that you can work through this. But these are just three that I think will be very helpful for you. But listen, if you’re watching this, you know, I’d love to continue to have this conversation with you. So I want you to also just click on my link at the end of this page and choose to schedule a free 15-minute conversation. And let’s see how we compare from a Tikkun standpoint. Alright, peace and blessings. Again, thank you for your time. Thank you for listening to this episode of The Black Marriage and Family Therapy Matters podcast, where we connect black families to black therapists. Since you’ve listened all the way through, come on in and join the family. If you haven’t done so yet, please join our free community, where we offer weekly trainings and monthly giveaways. We can be found on Facebook under the Black Marriage and Families Matter Facebook group. And since you’re serious about joining our family, we also invite you to join our all-in ad campaign, which signifies your commitment to go all in not only for yourself but in helping us reach more people by downloading this podcast wherever you are listening to it, leaving us a review, and subscribing to our YouTube channel. This really helps us reach more people and change more lives.

After all, Dr. Martin Luther King once said, we can all get more done together than we can apart. With that said, I want to encourage you to share this episode with just three other people who you think might also benefit from our community and what we are offering, in the hopes that all of you can join the campaign. When you’re done, simply click the link all in the campaign in the bio and receive a free copy of my course entitled Goodbye Toxicity, which is valued at $297. This course will help you work through some of the difficult experiences that arise in most of our relationships, and it’s completely free to you with your commitment to join our all-in campaign. We look forward to connecting with you every Monday and Wednesday. Thanks for listening.